I feel like I was sexually assaulted

[Anonymous]

I have a friend with benefits. We are older and divorced, neither of us want a serious relationship. We have always had really good chemistry. We see each other a few times a week, we travel together, things have been good for a couple of years.

We've both been practicing social distancing and have been lonely, so I went to his house this weekend.

Usually when we hang out on the weekend we will drink a little or smoke some pot. Last night we smoked pot. For whatever reason, the pot hit me much harder than it hit him and I was really on the verge of passing out. I've never gotten that high before, but i couldn't keep my eyes open and all i wanted to do was close my eyes and sober up for a while.

He kept trying to rouse me and ask if I wanted to "mess around". I don't know exactly how many times he asked and I don't know how many times I said "not right now, let me sober up a little" but at some point he was having sex with me. I couldn't respond much. My head was so heavy. It felt like the sex lasted forever - i know pot makes time speed up and slow down, so i honestly have no idea how long it went on.

Eventually he finished and I fell asleep. I slept a long time - probably ten hours? This morning he said "it really didn't seem like you were enjoying yourself last night. I hope it was ok and that you did enjoy it".

I really didn't reply, just kind of blew it off. We had some coffee and I left. Back story - i was molested and raped for years as a child. I got therapy for it. It's not something I think about a lot and for the most part I feel like I've healed from it.

Tonight I'm feeling so weepy. I feel terrible. I feel so black inside. I know this was my fault for getting super high, although I didn't intend to do it. And I know I should have said something to him this morning.

I don't know how to process these feelings. I feel like crawling into a hole and not coming out. I mean, it shouldn't be a big deal. He and i have had sex hundreds of times, but somehow this just feels devastating.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry he did that. I would feel upset too. This is a hotline you can call if you want to talk to someone: https://www.rainn.org/about-national-sexual-assault-telephone-hotline

[Anonymous]

You were sexually assaulted, and it was not your fault.

[Anonymous]

I'm very sorry. Please use the hotline to talk to someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You were sexually assaulted, and it was not your fault.

+1. I know the feelings are hard, but the facts aren’t. I’m so sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

So you and all the PP would have your whatever charged with rape and thrown in prison? Is that what you want?

[Anonymous]

You went to his house with the intent to get high or drunk and have sex. And that’s what happened. He shouldn’t have done anything to you if you weren’t capable of saying yes. But you put yourself in a bad situation. And I’ll say it again, you went there knowing what was going to happen. There is no blame here. Just stupidity. Take responsibility for your own decisions and actions

[Anonymous]

He’s a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You went to his house with the intent to get high or drunk and have sex. And that’s what happened. He shouldn’t have done anything to you if you weren’t capable of saying yes. But you put yourself in a bad situation. And I’ll say it again, you went there knowing what was going to happen. There is no blame here. Just stupidity. Take responsibility for your own decisions and actions

I tend to agree with this. If you were drunk and/or high, it's totally possible you thought you said no, but didn't. Own your part of this and don't get drunk or high with this guy anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You went to his house with the intent to get high or drunk and have sex. And that’s what happened. He shouldn’t have done anything to you if you weren’t capable of saying yes. But you put yourself in a bad situation. And I’ll say it again, you went there knowing what was going to happen. There is no blame here. Just stupidity. Take responsibility for your own decisions and actions

ffs.. she said "not right now", and that the pot made her woozy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You went to his house with the intent to get high or drunk and have sex. And that’s what happened. He shouldn’t have done anything to you if you weren’t capable of saying yes. But you put yourself in a bad situation. And I’ll say it again, you went there knowing what was going to happen. There is no blame here. Just stupidity. Take responsibility for your own decisions and actions

I tend to agree with this. If you were drunk and/or high, it's totally possible you thought you said no, but didn't. Own your part of this and don't get drunk or high with this guy anymore.

+1. It’s possible his judgment was equally impaired. Own your choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You went to his house with the intent to get high or drunk and have sex. And that’s what happened. He shouldn’t have done anything to you if you weren’t capable of saying yes. But you put yourself in a bad situation. And I’ll say it again, you went there knowing what was going to happen. There is no blame here. Just stupidity. Take responsibility for your own decisions and actions

ffs.. she said "not right now", and that the pot made her woozy.

Maybe she did, maybe she didn't. She was drunk and high. She might have THOUGHT she said it, but didn't. The brain doesn't work right with alcohol and drugs which is why they're controlled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you and all the PP would have your whatever charged with rape and thrown in prison? Is that what you want?

Just because somebody can’t get charged with rape doesn’t mean it wasn’t a rape.

[Anonymous]

She may have put herself in a bad situation but that doesn’t matter. No means no. And what kind of person hears somebody say “not right now” and proceeds anyway? I would never do that, drunk or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She may have put herself in a bad situation but that doesn’t matter. No means no. And what kind of person hears somebody say “not right now” and proceeds anyway? I would never do that, drunk or not.

Maybe she said yes later, that’s just it, she does not know.