Has anyone had additional children specifically because their spouse wasn’t around much?

[Anonymous]

I’m married to a workaholic - should have had better judgement, blah blah, but here we are. Im considering a 3rd partially because I want that buzzing home life with lively family dinners and loud playing in the backyard. As adults I want lots of kids to visit (but not too much - hence needing several!) and to visit me to keep family ties.

If dh was more engaged I could see being done now so we could all 4 vacation more easily and move on with older kid fun. But he’s not, which is part of the reason I’m considering a 3rd. He’d love a 3rd (who wouldn’t if it was no more work for them) and I’ve made peace with my marriage and won’t resent him with my workload increasing without his doing the same.

I think it’s odd though to be aware that if my dh was more around, I had someone to hang out with after kids were in bed on weeknights, a family dinner at night now etc, I’d be uninterested in a 3rd.

Just wondering if anyone else has decided to have an additional kid for this reason. And please now “why would you subject a kid to that kind of dad” response. He’s loving but distant, basically like all dads throughout history until recently and my kids are secure and happy and have a much better home life than either of us grew up with

[Anonymous]

Have a third because you love being a mom not because you’d like another companion to fill in your day.

[Anonymous]

I definitely had a second partially because of this, me and dd eating alone together every week night just felt sad and lonely - with 2 kids there’s more of a family feel at least

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have a third because you love being a mom not because you’d like another companion to fill in your day.

+1. And you are willing to accept whatever may come with the third child. Kids aren't there to fill your emotional void or some fantasy future life that may not happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have a third because you love being a mom not because you’d like another companion to fill in your day.

+1. And you are willing to accept whatever may come with the third child. Kids aren't there to fill your emotional void or some fantasy future life that may not happen.

Isn’t that exactly why people have kids? To create the fantasy life they envision? It’s certainly not for altruistic good of humanity reasons. Everyone purposely procreating is doing it for an inherent selfish reason to live some life they imagine

[Anonymous]

Get a puppy. DH will retire at some point.

[Anonymous]

I have a workaholic husband and I desperately wanted a 3rd, but DH was adamantly against having another because he said he didn't get to spend time with the 2 he had already. Which was a very good point, but I still feel a tug in my heart thinking about child #3 who never was. And that ship sailed about 6 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have a third because you love being a mom not because you’d like another companion to fill in your day.

+1. And you are willing to accept whatever may come with the third child. Kids aren't there to fill your emotional void or some fantasy future life that may not happen.

Isn’t that exactly why people have kids? To create the fantasy life they envision? It’s certainly not for altruistic good of humanity reasons. Everyone purposely procreating is doing it for an inherent selfish reason to live some life they imagine

Yes and no. People always have kids for selfish reasons. Not everyone has kids to be there emotional support and drag an additional child into a shitty situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a puppy. DH will retire at some point.

And when he retires he will spend all his time golfing or training for a triathlon or whatever it is that interests him. People don’t change.

[Anonymous]

I would have a set of twins. A 3rd can ruin a family dynamic but if you have twins then they're set and so is everyone else. IVF obvs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have a third because you love being a mom not because you’d like another companion to fill in your day.

As long as you love the child and treat them well, who cares why you have one? Aren't most people happy to be alive? Would you rather not be born because your parent had you for selfish reasons?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m married to a workaholic - should have had better judgement, blah blah, but here we are. Im considering a 3rd partially because I want that buzzing home life with lively family dinners and loud playing in the backyard. As adults I want lots of kids to visit (but not too much - hence needing several!) and to visit me to keep family ties.

If dh was more engaged I could see being done now so we could all 4 vacation more easily and move on with older kid fun. But he’s not, which is part of the reason I’m considering a 3rd. He’d love a 3rd (who wouldn’t if it was no more work for them) and I’ve made peace with my marriage and won’t resent him with my workload increasing without his doing the same.

I think it’s odd though to be aware that if my dh was more around, I had someone to hang out with after kids were in bed on weeknights, a family dinner at night now etc, I’d be uninterested in a 3rd.

Just wondering if anyone else has decided to have an additional kid for this reason. And please now “why would you subject a kid to that kind of dad” response. He’s loving but distant, basically like all dads throughout history until recently and my kids are secure and happy and have a much better home life than either of us grew up with

Lady you are so warped it's sad
No not all daw are loving but distant. WTF?
Also why aren't you doing all those fun things now? Is it because your kids are older and have started getting lives of their own and now you want dependent baby again so you don't have to deal with the shortcomings in your marriage?

Let's say you do get pregnant would you be okay with twins? Would you be okay with a child with medical issues that put a strain on the household, your other kids?

And since you mentioned it there's no guarantee your kids will want to visit you when older or let their children visit you, if they decide to have kids. People with dysfunctional upbringings aren't always willing to participate in the dysfunction when their older.

[Anonymous]

If anything for me it would be the opposite - how do you deal
With three alone if anything is out of the ordinary??

[Anonymous]

Yikes, op.

[Anonymous]

Go for it. Esp if you stay at home.