Has anyone had additional children specifically because their spouse wasn’t around much?

[Anonymous]

I’m going to bet that you are a very loving mom so do it because you love children and love raising them. But only do it out of love, not to fill out a dinner table. Your husband may be a workaholic but he wants a third and he will love the child in his own strange way.

[Anonymous]

You know, my father was NOT a workaholic, but my mother was a SAHM. She did not have much of a life. And she wanted to be WAY too involved in my life for my comfort. To the point that she made it very difficult for me to have friends, so that by default, she would be my only friend.

She wanted to spend WAY more time with me than I wanted to spend with her. As soon as I figured this out (around 25-27) I pulled away from her significantly. Now I am in my early 40's, my mother has no friends, and I talk to her about four times a year. And almost every time I do, I regret it.

Your reason for having a third child is understandable, but just keep in mind your child may not like you as much as you like them. The puppy suggested upthread may be the best way to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know, my father was NOT a workaholic, but my mother was a SAHM. She did not have much of a life. And she wanted to be WAY too involved in my life for my comfort. To the point that she made it very difficult for me to have friends, so that by default, she would be my only friend.

She wanted to spend WAY more time with me than I wanted to spend with her. As soon as I figured this out (around 25-27) I pulled away from her significantly. Now I am in my early 40's, my mother has no friends, and I talk to her about four times a year. And almost every time I do, I regret it.

Your reason for having a third child is understandable, but just keep in mind your child may not like you as much as you like them. The puppy suggested upthread may be the best way to go.

Wouldn’t that kind of be a reason in favor of having more? My dh is an only, the pressure on him/us is intense, siblings would have given his parents (understandable!) desire to spend time with family and connect with family more outlets

[Anonymous]

DH works a lot and while I didn’t have a second to have another person around, it is so much better for us than just one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know, my father was NOT a workaholic, but my mother was a SAHM. She did not have much of a life. And she wanted to be WAY too involved in my life for my comfort. To the point that she made it very difficult for me to have friends, so that by default, she would be my only friend.

She wanted to spend WAY more time with me than I wanted to spend with her. As soon as I figured this out (around 25-27) I pulled away from her significantly. Now I am in my early 40's, my mother has no friends, and I talk to her about four times a year. And almost every time I do, I regret it.

Your reason for having a third child is understandable, but just keep in mind your child may not like you as much as you like them. The puppy suggested upthread may be the best way to go.

Wouldn’t that kind of be a reason in favor of having more? My dh is an only, the pressure on him/us is intense, siblings would have given his parents (understandable!) desire to spend time with family and connect with family more outlets

I'm not an only child.

[Anonymous]

That is a terrible, awful reason to have a child. Get a pet. Or hobbies.

[Anonymous]

I’m kind of confused why people are saying this is such a bad idea - people often have large families because they want busy, family filled households. Other people choose to have one because they want a quieter / less bustling household.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have a third because you love being a mom not because you’d like another companion to fill in your day.

+1. And you are willing to accept whatever may come with the third child. Kids aren't there to fill your emotional void or some fantasy future life that may not happen.

Isn’t that exactly why people have kids? To create the fantasy life they envision? It’s certainly not for altruistic good of humanity reasons. Everyone purposely procreating is doing it for an inherent selfish reason to live some life they imagine

It’s why some people have children and I think it’s a poor reason for having kids. There’s a difference between the inherent selfishness of having kids and having them because of *your* fantasy of what life will be like with them and who they’ll be. I love getting to know my kids for who they are and helping them grow into the best versions of themselves. I’d love it if we have healthy relationships when they’re adults, but I’m betting that will come from appreciating them for who they are, not for who I want them to be.

I filled the emotional gaps for both my parents while I was a kid, and boy, did it suck. It’s hard to have a decent relationship with them now because they still pull that crap, and I’m done with it (and busy raising my own three kids and enjoying DH).

[Anonymous]

My mom did. It was not a good move. For any of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know, my father was NOT a workaholic, but my mother was a SAHM. She did not have much of a life. And she wanted to be WAY too involved in my life for my comfort. To the point that she made it very difficult for me to have friends, so that by default, she would be my only friend.

She wanted to spend WAY more time with me than I wanted to spend with her. As soon as I figured this out (around 25-27) I pulled away from her significantly. Now I am in my early 40's, my mother has no friends, and I talk to her about four times a year. And almost every time I do, I regret it.

Your reason for having a third child is understandable, but just keep in mind your child may not like you as much as you like them. The puppy suggested upthread may be the best way to go.

Wouldn’t that kind of be a reason in favor of having more? My dh is an only, the pressure on him/us is intense, siblings would have given his parents (understandable!) desire to spend time with family and connect with family more outlets

+1 - my oldest is 8, so a long time from your experience, but with 2 younger siblings, she values our more limited time together, and I have to pick my battles out of necessity. If she was an only, I'd drive her completely nuts.

[Anonymous]

I did the opposite. Stopped at one partly because my spouse wasn't around much. I didn't think I could handle more on my own.

Interesting how people react to situations so differently.

[Anonymous]

So you want another kid to witness an unhappy marriage and basically be raised by one parent? You have your priorities mixed up. Please don't have any more kids.