Help me not cheat!!
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Anonymous
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I am in an unhappy marriage. I've posted about this already and really the solution is just to wait it out until kids are older. Husband has even made comments that we are just staying until the youngest goes to college. We are no longer intimate, it's been about a year. I don't want to dive into WHY we are waiting it out. That's a whole topic in itself but I have looked at all options and it's what is best for us.
So the result is, I am lonely. I focus on kids but really, there is no adult conversation after they are in bed. No sharing of dreams, passions, etc.. All that is dead now. There is someone at work who I cannot get out of my mind. We have been back and forth communicating. We don't always see each other because of remote work but it's just been this nice calm connection with a nice man that I haven't had in such a long time and certainly don't get it at home. We get along well and I think that perhaps he may be slightly interested. Granted he is divorced and I perceive he thinks I am too. I barely ever mention husband and often don't wear my wedding rings because it's a loveless marriage. Most people are surprised when they hear I am married and have assumed that i'm a single parent. I mentioned today that I am married and I saw that he quickly ended the conversation. He seems like such a great guy and someone that was actually interested in me. Something I haven't had in years. I'm so beyond lonely and only getting older. By the time these kids are gone, I'll be this old bat. I know I shouldn't and he probably wouldn't even want to anyway because who wants to be a cheater or the other man? But...I looked him up on on FB after the conversation ended and while I have seen him many times in person and know he looks good...damn he is gorgeous. His FB is really just this nice guy. Dad with professional career who does crafts/builds things on the side etc.. sigh..someone who just enjoys life rather than so focused on money like my husband is and I guess someone who actually sees me. Please talk me off the ledge. |
Anonymous
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Frankly, you're really self-absorbed to think that it's YOUR choice whether this man CHOOSES to sleep with a married women. Kinda putting the cart, the house, and the road before the horse.
You're staying for financial reasons - whatever. Go have sex with someone. But for god's sake, don't up end some "nice professional Dad guy" just so you can not be lonely. |
Anonymous
| Why don’t you guys agree to an open marriage? Your husband probably wants some, too. |
Anonymous
| Have you READ the results of affairs on this board? Don't do it. |
Anonymous
| How old are the kids? Is college imminent? |
Anonymous
| I would cheat, ask for an open marriage or get a divorce. Or start divorce process then act on it. I do not see the point of staying. Finances can be hard but if you do not want to be married, get divorced. |
Anonymous
+1 (partly). How old are the kids. Unless they are seniors in high school, you need to find a solution. Would your husband possibly be open to a don't ask/don't tell situation where you could each discreetly date? Also, divorce is not the end of the world. It is tough for kids, but it will be tough for them if you split when they are in college, and if you are just staying because it's easier financially...well you are choosing your lifestyle over romance, sex, companionship, the rest of your life. In your situation, I think affair is the worst choice because you could end up in a very contentious divorce-do you want your husband trash talking you to your kids, friends, family? |
Anonymous
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I'm not in a position to throw stones, but I hope you will think about hurting innocent people, ie, your affair partner's wife and kids. Find someone single. |
Anonymous
The guy OP is interested in is divorced (although I do agree with this advice as a general rule). |
Anonymous
| Don’t mess around with someone at work because you could wreck your marriage and lose your job. And your friend could lose his job. |
Anonymous
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Be courageous and end your marriage.
Show your kids how to be ethical. They are watching. |
Anonymous
| Look. A WOHM who cheats. Lolz. |
Anonymous
| You took a step by telling him you are married. If he backs off, you can't cheat with him. |
Anonymous
Not necessarily. Backing off of a woman you didn't realize was married is the decent thing to do. She's still free to go after him, but the ball is definitely in her court. - A man |
Anonymous
| What makes you think he'll bone you? |