Anger management for parents

[Anonymous]

Looking for tips, advice, resources. I try not to yell or get angry with the children, I try to stay calm, and 95% of the time I'm fine. But sometimes it feels like the more I suppress my anger, the more I feel like I'm going to implode at times. It even makes me think maybe I should just let myself yell more. It's so much harder in the winter, when I'm fighting off depression and I just feel so tired all the time. I want this to get better.

[Anonymous]

PEP!! It’s is an amazing resource. They have classes and online courses. I just went to one presentation but it was seriously awesome. I plan on doing some courses too.

Also kids are jerks. It’s hard not to yell. My MIL yelled a lot so my BIL didn’t want that for his kids, so he married the sweetest, most soft-spoken patient person he had ever met. Now she yells too. Go easy on yourself!

[Anonymous]

Start a meditation practice. It really works. Two years in for me and I marvel at the difference. Putting just the tiniest difference between yourself and the emotion you’re experiencing makes a gigantic difference.

[Anonymous]

Thankfully you are recognizing and seeing it is not helpful for you it your family. That’s so important. I wonder if therapy would be useful — especially since you mentioned depression. I think a therapist could help you work through expressing your emotions.

I also recommend PEP the parent education program in Kensington Maryland which has a class on anger management. As well as other classes on parenting. Good luck!

Being a parent has its exhausting moments and, yes, sometimes yelling. Noticing when it no longer feels good is critical.

[Anonymous]

How old are your kids?

At various points over the years, I've put myself in time out. Just... made sure kid was absorbed in the TV or toys and just left. Walked up to my room, got under the covers and read for awhile. Sometimes I'd bring a glass of wine with me. Usually after 20 minutes I wasn't mad anymore.

[Anonymous]

Second the PEP classes recommendation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looking for tips, advice, resources. I try not to yell or get angry with the children, I try to stay calm, and 95% of the time I'm fine. But sometimes it feels like the more I suppress my anger, the more I feel like I'm going to implode at times. It even makes me think maybe I should just let myself yell more. It's so much harder in the winter, when I'm fighting off depression and I just feel so tired all the time. I want this to get better.

Did I write this....? I especially identify with the winter depression element.
Are you mad about something legitimate? If your child repeatedly does something "bad" despite warnings, and it is imperative that they not do that thing, then I think raising your voice (without shaming) is warranted.
But if you're just yelling to let off steam or because something inside you wants revenge on your children, then yea, that is something you need to curb, I think. I have been really looking at my triggers lately and decided that I just need more rest. I need to go into my time with my children feeling whole and somewhat relaxed, and I can only do that if I am really strict about allowing myself 15-30 minutes at some point in the day to just chill by myself. I have to look at this downtime as being non-negotiable and an important part of my mental health, similar to exercise.

[Anonymous]

Me too. And then I realized it was a side effect of my anti depressant. I had rage like I'd never had before and it was 99% in the mornings.

[Anonymous]

Second the rec for PEP. They have a short Anger Management course.

http://pepparent.org/the-problem-with-anger/

Are you treating your depression? Have you tried a light box? Have you had your Vitamin D checked?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PEP!! It’s is an amazing resource. They have classes and online courses. I just went to one presentation but it was seriously awesome. I plan on doing some courses too.

Also kids are jerks. It’s hard not to yell. My MIL yelled a lot so my BIL didn’t want that for his kids, so he married the sweetest, most soft-spoken patient person he had ever met. Now she yells too. Go easy on yourself!

Yup, I used to be soft spoken too. I didn’t start yelling until I had my second.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Second the rec for PEP. They have a short Anger Management course.

http://pepparent.org/the-problem-with-anger/

Are you treating your depression? Have you tried a light box? Have you had your Vitamin D checked?

I’ll try the course, thanks. My PCP offered me a prescription for antidepressants but I didn’t want to go down that road. I do light therapy AND meditation but I keep falling off the wagon and am not very consistent. I have to stay on track. I also tried to keep up with exercise, but also inconsistent with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking for tips, advice, resources. I try not to yell or get angry with the children, I try to stay calm, and 95% of the time I'm fine. But sometimes it feels like the more I suppress my anger, the more I feel like I'm going to implode at times. It even makes me think maybe I should just let myself yell more. It's so much harder in the winter, when I'm fighting off depression and I just feel so tired all the time. I want this to get better.

Did I write this....? I especially identify with the winter depression element.
Are you mad about something legitimate? If your child repeatedly does something "bad" despite warnings, and it is imperative that they not do that thing, then I think raising your voice (without shaming) is warranted.
But if you're just yelling to let off steam or because something inside you wants revenge on your children, then yea, that is something you need to curb, I think. I have been really looking at my triggers lately and decided that I just need more rest. I need to go into my time with my children feeling whole and somewhat relaxed, and I can only do that if I am really strict about allowing myself 15-30 minutes at some point in the day to just chill by myself. I have to look at this downtime as being non-negotiable and an important part of my mental health, similar to exercise.

Yes I need that downtime too. I think I need to perfect the art of yelling for effect rather than losing control. Sometimes it gets to the point when I want to scare my children and I know that’s wrong.