Solutions for adult ADHD Dh

[Anonymous]

Dh is a successful individual. He always was top of his class and is successful at work. But at home he’s falling apart. After we had our second child it just took a nosedive. He’s a traveling consultant and last year lost 7 iPhone cables, tooth brush charger, then lost the toothbrush itself a month later, shoes, coats, random clothes and credit cards. We just went on a vacation that had a black tie dinner. I packed everything for the kids and I. I even laid out dhs shirts. He remembered his tux, but forgot cumberbund, studs, tux shoes, black socks and cuff links. He’s always out buying someone a Christmas present on Christmas Eve (even after I took over gifts for everyone). He often can’t voucher at work because he loses the receipts. But somehow at work he’s on top of every detail of his huge contracts. Dh isn’t trying to drop the ball with us and he’s not checked out. Clearly lacking executive functioning skills though.

Is there any hope? He’s adamant he doesn’t want meds. I’m extremely organized and type A, so for a decade we’ve relied on my lists and organization. But it only goes so far. I’ve never let him touch our finances and I keep nearly every detail of our household running (I’m not a sahm) but I can’t put more work in.

[Anonymous]

I’ve found this helpful: adhdmarriage.com

Also, written lists and exercises. I’m sorry he’s so stressed out. Being stressed with adhd sucks.

[Anonymous]

Try letting him experience consequences more often. Really think before you take over a responsibility.

You may also benefit from simplifying your life, schedule, and home visual environment.

[Anonymous]

I have a husband with adhd. If he doesn't want to use medication, maybe try working with an adhd coach. Also Dr Amen is a good resource. He has a book on the different types of ADHD. He also has a number of YouTube videos about the subject. Good luck, with help your husband may be able to manage his adhd.

[Anonymous]

Does he admit he has adhd?

[Anonymous]

Mine is on medication at age 47 after diagnoses for 2 sons and then he went. We agreed kids were too young (4 and 6) for medication

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve found this helpful: adhdmarriage.com

Also, written lists and exercises. I’m sorry he’s so stressed out. Being stressed with adhd sucks.

NP. Thanks for this website.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve found this helpful: adhdmarriage.com

Also, written lists and exercises. I’m sorry he’s so stressed out. Being stressed with adhd sucks.

NP. Thanks for this website.

+1 another NP, thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve found this helpful: adhdmarriage.com

Also, written lists and exercises. I’m sorry he’s so stressed out. Being stressed with adhd sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dh is a successful individual. He always was top of his class and is successful at work. But at home he’s falling apart. After we had our second child it just took a nosedive. He’s a traveling consultant and last year lost 7 iPhone cables, tooth brush charger, then lost the toothbrush itself a month later, shoes, coats, random clothes and credit cards. We just went on a vacation that had a black tie dinner. I packed everything for the kids and I. I even laid out dhs shirts. He remembered his tux, but forgot cumberbund, studs, tux shoes, black socks and cuff links. He’s always out buying someone a Christmas present on Christmas Eve (even after I took over gifts for everyone). He often can’t voucher at work because he loses the receipts. But somehow at work he’s on top of every detail of his huge contracts. Dh isn’t trying to drop the ball with us and he’s not checked out. Clearly lacking executive functioning skills though.

Is there any hope? He’s adamant he doesn’t want meds. I’m extremely organized and type A, so for a decade we’ve relied on my lists and organization. But it only goes so far. I’ve never let him touch our finances and I keep nearly every detail of our household running (I’m not a sahm) but I can’t put more work in.

Why?

Does he understand that his choice not to take meds or otherwise get treatment (coaching, whatever) imposes a burden on his family?

[Anonymous]

None of these seem like a big deal honestly. I understand that you’re super type A and it bothers you, but maybe just don’t sweat the small stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:None of these seem like a big deal honestly. I understand that you’re super type A and it bothers you, but maybe just don’t sweat the small stuff.

OP here. It is a pretty big deal actually. Not showing up with the right tux accessories means we have to spend half a vacation day at a crummy tux rental store instead of doing planned activities. I am laid back and don't want to nag DH. I feel like more and more things are falling through the cracks or winding up on my shoulders. His job isn't stressful and it's probably less stress than my job (I make more money too with less hours).

He's very much against medications and thinks ADHD is bogus

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of these seem like a big deal honestly. I understand that you’re super type A and it bothers you, but maybe just don’t sweat the small stuff.

OP here. It is a pretty big deal actually. Not showing up with the right tux accessories means we have to spend half a vacation day at a crummy tux rental store instead of doing planned activities. I am laid back and don't want to nag DH. I feel like more and more things are falling through the cracks or winding up on my shoulders. His job isn't stressful and it's probably less stress than my job (I make more money too with less hours).

He's very much against medications and thinks ADHD is bogus

You are not laid back

[Anonymous]

Is he bothered by the lost and forgotten items or only you? If he wants to improve, he must make a pack list (you can check it). He will also have to recheck his list when repacking at his destination.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of these seem like a big deal honestly. I understand that you’re super type A and it bothers you, but maybe just don’t sweat the small stuff.

OP here. It is a pretty big deal actually. Not showing up with the right tux accessories means we have to spend half a vacation day at a crummy tux rental store instead of doing planned activities. I am laid back and don't want to nag DH. I feel like more and more things are falling through the cracks or winding up on my shoulders. His job isn't stressful and it's probably less stress than my job (I make more money too with less hours).

He's very much against medications and thinks ADHD is bogus

You need to let him fail and experience the consequences. Plan less activities, and plan things you can do without him.