How do you choose backup parents in case your and your DH kick the bucket?
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Anonymous
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The whole shock of the Kobe Bryant death made think I need to write our will and plan for god forbid something happen to us both. The problem is, I can’t think of anyone who would be a good fit?! My side has legitimate issues - one sibling had a DH cheat on her, the others are some version on mentally ill.
DH’s side he has one sister that could do it, but she is passive aggressive and seems money hungry. These are all people I love and care about, but the idea of putting my children in their care is anxiety inducing. Welcome people sharing what compromises or plans they have made for their kids! |
Anonymous
| I’ve already looped in my superresponsible brother and SIL |
Anonymous
| My sister and BIL with our best friends (DINK couple) as back up. |
Anonymous
Why would this make the sibling inappropriate? |
Anonymous
| We couldnt agree and DW adamantly insisted on her parents (ages 70+) as backups. Terrible idea and I deeply regret not going to the mat on insisting in someone younger. Hopefully we dont die at the same time. |
Anonymous
NP here but how many kids can a single parent manage. Alternatively, maybe she is trying to reconcile and the marriage is unstable due to the cheating. |
Anonymous
| For various reasons, DH and my siblings cannot be guardians so, unfortunately, our parents are listed as guardians in our wills, with some cousins as backup. |
Anonymous
| It was a quick and easy decision for us — there is only one sibling, and luckily, that sibling is a good choice. Do we agree on every aspect of parenting, etc? Nope. But I know that if something catastrophic happened, my kid would be raised in a loving, happy home. We are the designees for their child. |
Anonymous
There should be backups to your in-laws lined up. My SIL died intestate and her young children went to elderly MIL. She is managing with the help of a live-in nanny and weekend help but the whole setup will crash if she can’t. |
Anonymous
| We have 5 siblings between me and DH. Only one, however, is probably capable of taking care of our kids. The others are single and/or incapable of taking care of children or I don't want their version of taking care of children. The one that is listed has two grown children already who turned out pretty decent. There is another sibling I might choose, but that sibling is now waaay too old. |
Anonymous
Obviously because the husband has one foot out the door. How horrible would it be for a little kid to go through their parent’s death AND then their caretakers get an acrimonious divorce? How much trauma do you want these kids to handle? Better put the insurance money in a rick solid trust - I hear divorces are expensive.... |
Anonymous
| Question: Do you all plan to ask your back-ups if they want that responsibility. I would be horrified if someone listed me without me knowing (and wouldn't consent to this arrangement). |
Anonymous
Absolutely, you can’t just put people down without asking their agreement. |
Anonymous
| A designated guardian can always decline when the time comes so have several backups. |
Anonymous
| We need to put together a will and upgrade it. |