Nagging every day, would things get better?
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Anonymous
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How do you make a 4 year old listen to you & follow rules/do things without reminders? Our 4 year old needs to be reminded almost everyday where he should put his backpack/shoes/jackets etc once we come home. He just lay them on the floor. He needs to be reminded it is time to go to bed, it is time to brush teeth, it is time to eat lunch etc. We always have to remind him to wash hand after potty because he often skips it. We have to help him out to clean the toys because he forgets & he DOES NOT WANT to clean up toys. Is it an age thing that things will get better once he gets older or it is our parenting issues? I & DH feel like we are his nannies, and keep nagging about him all day. We want him to grow up & more independent. And, I have been thinking should I put poster/signs everywhere in the house (e.g. a sign to wash hand after potty next to bathroom faucets (remind me of the restaurant one), a sign saying this is the place to put shoes/jacket) to remind him. I think it may work, anyone do that? Or any other recommendation?
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Anonymous
I think your expectations are too high for a 4yo, especially the bolded part. I have to remind my 10yo to bush his teeth and that it's time to go to bed. I do not perceive it as nagging though. Definitely not with my 3yo. My 3yo knows where to put his shoes and his jacket. Most of the time, he remembers to wash his hands after he used the bathroom, but if he forgets, I remind him. I am not sure if it helped, but I used say: "Don't forget to wash your hands" every time DS went to use the bathroom. So that now he says it himself pretty much every time he is telling me that he is going to the bathroom. There is no way, my 3yo would voluntarily clean up his toys. And even when we tell him, he does not want to do it. Again, my 10yo does not want to clean his room either. With the 3yo, it helps if we do it with him and also give very specific instructions, like "please put the balls in this basket," etc. I may be wrong, but my gut feeling is that no posters/signs will help my 3yo to remember to clean his toys. And although his birthday is not until the fall, I cannot imagine that his executive function will improve that much when he turns four either. |
Anonymous
| Nagging without any consequences is pointless. |
Anonymous
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I don't know about the rest, but since birth, basically, we have had a bin by the door, and 99 percent of the time my five years old walks in the house, sits down, and puts his shoes in the bin. That's what 60 months of nagging gets you!
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Anonymous
I will also say that having a place for things definitely helps. So the child should know that shoes go in the bin. Coat goes on the hook. Laundry goes in the basket. There is space for toys on the shelf. This goes for adults as well as kids! If everything has a place, it is so much easier and fun. No one wants to hang up a coat when the hook is to high or too crowded and keeps falling off. No one wants to clean up toys if the bins are overflowing. No one wants to put away shoes if the closet is too full and doesn't close easily. No one wants to brush teeth if there' no stool to reach the sink. ETC. |
Anonymous
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My 8 and 10yo still throw their bags down on the floor when they get home from school. Your expectations seem too high for a 4yo. Is this an only child?
I was embarrassed when my 8yo recently threw his jacket down when we went to friend’s home. It really isn’t a big deal. |
Anonymous
This! It is amazing how both positive and negative consequences affect behavior. I would also rehearse what you want him to do for a certain period of time. Doesn't it take a few weeks of daily practice in order for something to become a habit? Teachers practice routines for the first few weeks of school (and also after breaks). -A teacher and a parent |
Anonymous
OP here. Can you give me some examples of negative consequences for not doing so as a habits? No play toy, no juice, no snack something like that. I am always amazed that my son behaves so well at preschool, but I know that there are many kids for him to model after. It is so called peer pressure. He is not the only child, but he is the oldest. We have a 10 months old baby that crawls everywhere & mess up everywhere. Baby is not a good model for him. |
Anonymous
| 4. years. old. |
Anonymous
I would start with the positive ones especially at that age. You catch more bees with honey. What does he like? 10 minutes on the ipad for following his nighttime routine with a picture schedule? |
Anonymous
| He. Is. Four. |
Anonymous
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The only things that I have found that work well with this kind of stuff is setting up very clear expectations, then developing a routine.
This is your hook where your coat goes. Every time we walk in the door, you put your coat here. That way it doesn’t get dirty from being on the floor, and we won’t have to look for it when it’s time for school. We clean rooms, strip beds, and bring down laundry every Saturday morning at our house. Kids know that they have to do it before they can watch tv. It is up to them how long they want to take doing it and how clean their room is to begin with. At four years old, I definitely helped a lot. I have no idea what you mean when you say that your four year old needs to be reminded to eat lunch. Make lunch for him, yourself, and your 10 month old, put it on the table, and bring everyone over to eat. Surely you aren’t expecting him to realize it’s lunchtime and prepare his own food. |
Anonymous
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Why would you think a 4 yr old would know when it's time to do anything? 4 year olds can't tell time.
OP, I don't think you have a good handle on what expectations are appropriate for a child. Children need TONS of reminders. |
Anonymous
+1 The key is consistency, and time. |
Anonymous
+1 I was going to say the same thing. I forgot to close the garage door after leaving this morning. I'm 40. I guess my husband should take away my dessert tonight. |