Nagging every day, would things get better?
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Anonymous
| I am still nagging my 14 year old for those things |
Anonymous
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What do you mean that you have to remind your four year old to eat lunch and go to bed? I don’t believe that you thought he would just start doing those things on his own without prompting from you.
Do you have to call him back to the table multiple times during lunch or fight with him to go to bed or brush teeth? |
Anonymous
| He’s 4. You are not nagging. You are teaching. Change your mindset. |
Anonymous
Yeah, I work with 40 and 50 year olds that need to be reminded to do day to day tasks. They also expect a ton of praise for a C-minus effort ... |
Anonymous
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Your expectations are way too high, op. In preschool there’s a song or bell that reminds them to clean up. The teacher reminds them to throw away trash and push in chairs. They have set bathroom times. The reason your kid does so well at school is because there’s routine and consistency there and because there are adults that remind the kids constantly what they need to do.
—preschool teacher and parent |
Anonymous
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If this isn’t a troll post then I strongly suggest parenting classes. Nagging? You feel like you’re his nanny?! You are his freaking parent! Your job is to gently teach him to be an adult. He’s FOUR. It sounds like he’s doing a lot better at being four then you are at being a parent.
Agree with PP, it’s not “nagging” to tell your 4 year old it’s time for bed or ask him to hang his coat. It’s teaching him and learning takes repetition. He’s still learning a hundred new things about the world each day so expecting him to master just the things that matter most to you first is silly. I prepare my 5 and 2 year olds with reminders before basically everything we do: “okay, guys, we’re home. Please hang your coats up and leave your shoes in the mudroom then go straight to the bathroom to wash your hands.” Then I stay nearby so I can say, “Larla, you need to go into the bathroom not the playroom” or “Larlo, the floor is not where we keep coats!” That’s what having kids is about. Eventually they start doing more and more without reminders or supervision but it takes years and years. |
Anonymous
| 4? I’m reminding at 11. |
Anonymous
| Your expectations of both him and your own role are really skewed. This is parenting. |
Anonymous
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Op in case you really need to hear many people say this, your expectations are way, way too high for a 4 year old. Yes 4 year olds can do these things but they need to be part of a routine and yes reminded. Like others have said it’s not nagging it’s just parenting. Please don’t use negative consequences for normal behavior. It’s your job to help your child learn these skills through daily repetition. I would highly recommend considering PEP classes. I think it would give you the tools you’re looking for so it feels less like nagging and you know how to respond effectively if he’s not listening.
You can find them here, located in MD and some online though I’ve heard going in person is best http://pepparent.org/ |
Anonymous
I think some of the other posters are being a little lax. There’s no reason that a five-year-old cannot put away their shoes and backpack and jacket. Make sure you designate a space to do those things, and make it fun with a little song. Keep reminding, and eventually he will do it on his own. There’s no reason a five-year-old cannot remember to wash hands after using the toilet. Again, make a little song about it and keep reminding and he will get it. The rest of the things well, that is just parenting. You are supposed to tell your kid when it’s time to eat time , to bathe, to go to bed. I don’t really know any young children who unilaterally clean up their toys, but he should definitely be able to do it with a reminder from you. |
Anonymous
+100000 OP, I was an only child to parents who had totally unrealistic expectations of normal childhood behavior. They were constantly on my case and frustrated that i couldn't do things they expected of me, even though those expectations were completely absurd! Yes, you have to remind your four year old about things constantly. That's the whole point. They're four. I have serious perfectionist and OCD issues as an adult because throughout my childhood I was made to feel I couldn't do anything right, when in reality I was A CHILD. |
Anonymous
Most four year olds can't tell time, so how is he supposed to know it's time to go to bed? He doesn't have the same sense of time that an adult would, because he's only four, and his world is much narrower than yours. He sees what's in front of him, and even being asked to wait 10 minutes to do something fun can seem like a lifetime to him. And unless he can read, signs won't help. If he's running to get back to his toys after using the bathroom, he won't notice a picture next to the sink. You can create checklists for all the things he needs to do to get ready for school or bed, but you'll still need to work through every step with him. ("Great, you got your pajamas on, let's put a check in that box! Now what do we do next?") Routine and gentle reminders are the best way to go. ("You did a good job taking off your shoes when we came in, but then I think you forgot something. What do we do with our jackets?") If he refuses to do what he's told, that's a different story, and there should be natural consequences for disobeying a direct order (I asked you to put your toys away but you ran out of the room, so you won't be able to play with those toys tomorrow). But repetition is really the only way to instill those elements of daily life we take for granted as adults. You say you feel like his nanny, but realistically, that's why nannies (and parents!) "nag" all day: because it's the only way to get through to young kids. It doesn't have to be a negative thing, with nagging tones and irritated voices, though. It can be a positive thing, just a little nudge to help him move from one stage of his day to the next. Transitions in general can be tough for kids this age, so he may need a bit of preparation if he has trouble shifting gears: "You can play with your Legos for ten more minutes, and then it will be time to wash your hands for lunch." Then he won't be blindsided when you tell him to finish putting that minifigure together, then go wash his hands. Also, most four year olds don't have the executive functioning skills to complete multi-step tasks like "clean your room" or "get ready for bed." They get overwhelmed and don't know where to start, especially if they were engrossed in something else when you told them, so you need to be specific: "OK, it's time to clean your room now. Why don't you start by putting all the blocks back into the bin?" Or ask him where he would like to start. "Time to get ready for bed. I laid your pajamas on your bed, so please go put them on." There's a great series of books by Louise Bates Ames, one for each year, that give a good overview of what's developmentally appropriate for each age and how to adjust your parenting as your child grows. You might consider getting a copy of "Your Four Year Old," just to get a better sense of what your child should be capable of at this age, and how you can help him achieve it. |
Anonymous
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1. Routine: Every time you do something (in the daily routine), it’s the same as last time.
2. Location: The place to put things from outside needs to be near the door, accessible and uncluttered. Toys need to either have an unsorted bin or they need clear, labelled bins. 3. Verbal reminders: Kids get cued until they’re capable of remembering, then cued again after a break in routine (vacation!). This continues until they don’t need verbal cues (depending on the task and the child, eg. it can be anywhere between 2 years old and 12 years old to take care of shoes). 4. Written/pictorial chart or list: If you want to build self-confidence and self-reliance, you need to give a child the tools to do so. For a child who doesn’t read yet, use a pictorial list. For a child who can read, a written list or chart might work better, especially if they can check off what they’ve done. 5. Reinforcements: Positive reinforcement entails calling attention when the child does as required, and gradually weaning away. Then, the child is praised when they initiate the task for themself. Negative reinforcement can work, but at as 4yo, it should be for outright refusal. 6. Age-appropriate expectations: Preschoolers can follow 2-3 step directions (with practice). Ime, children rarely are able to remember more than 5 steps unless they are reminded between tasks, even at 10+yo. |