Really nice but infuriating parents always cancelling wwyd

[Anonymous]

We have some friends who we genuinely like as people. The problem is that they are ALWAYS capitulating to their child, so if the child does not want to do something, they break plans with us, sometimes without even telling us! There have been times we were supposed to meet for dinner and I will be parking at the restaurant and they say their child is having a meltdown and they tell us they are not coming. Kid is 4, I get it, kids melt down and I think they sometimes are over committing child to things they can’t handle. But it’s so annoying. Today we were supposed to meet up with them to do some hockey stuff. DH went to our storage unit first thing in the morning to get our kid’s gear...and they cancelled and didn’t even tell me until I was at the skating ring and texted “where are you guys?” The response was “we are at home. Larlo wanted to play with his magnatiles”. I was like wtf seriously? They are so afraid to tell their kid no to anything he’s not up for. Meanwhile my kid was also contentedly playing at home (not a given, but he was enjoying himself today) and I had to get him going. It’s infuriating but we do like them and when we are able to get together we enjoy it. I really wanted to tell them off today but I said nothing. Not worth it to say anything right? Not sure how to proceed with this relationship at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have some friends who we genuinely like as people. The problem is that they are ALWAYS capitulating to their child, so if the child does not want to do something, they break plans with us, sometimes without even telling us! There have been times we were supposed to meet for dinner and I will be parking at the restaurant and they say their child is having a meltdown and they tell us they are not coming. Kid is 4, I get it, kids melt down and I think they sometimes are over committing child to things they can’t handle. But it’s so annoying. Today we were supposed to meet up with them to do some hockey stuff. DH went to our storage unit first thing in the morning to get our kid’s gear...and they cancelled and didn’t even tell me until I was at the skating ring and texted “where are you guys?” The response was “we are at home. Larlo wanted to play with his magnatiles”. I was like wtf seriously? They are so afraid to tell their kid no to anything he’s not up for. Meanwhile my kid was also contentedly playing at home (not a given, but he was enjoying himself today) and I had to get him going. It’s infuriating but we do like them and when we are able to get together we enjoy it. I really wanted to tell them off today but I said nothing. Not worth it to say anything right? Not sure how to proceed with this relationship at this point.

I wouldn't. I'd let them reach out to plan things. Id plan activities with other people instead.

[Anonymous]

I think they need to come off your list of “people we do things alone with” and move to your “people we do things in a group with”.
That way you won’t get stuck, using your example, at an ice rink by yourself.
You will not change their parenting techniques or manners, unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

Stop making plans with them. Or, decide you're doing something and tell them. "We'll be at Grover Park from 11-1pm today if you want to meet up with us." And then don't expect them.

[Anonymous]

Cease and desist from making plans with them.

[Anonymous]

Who organized today's hockey meetup? If it was you, you need to stop organizing with them. If they were the organizers, say no next time and tell them why. Don't comment on their parentling, just their inability to follow thru.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who organized today's hockey meetup? If it was you, you need to stop organizing with them. If they were the organizers, say no next time and tell them why. Don't comment on their parentling, just their inability to follow thru.

I guess it was mutual- they’d been talking about doing it last night at 6 (which I knew was going to be too much for their kid and so we declined) but then I suggested today because neither of us had plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who organized today's hockey meetup? If it was you, you need to stop organizing with them. If they were the organizers, say no next time and tell them why. Don't comment on their parentling, just their inability to follow thru.

I guess it was mutual- they’d been talking about doing it last night at 6 (which I knew was going to be too much for their kid and so we declined) but then I suggested today because neither of us had plans.

Stop suggesting. Stop accepting. If they offer, feel free to say, “That’s not going to work for us.” If they press, I would have no problem saying, “It’s been frustrating to make plans because you’ve canceled at the last minute.” But that’s how I roll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop making plans with them. Or, decide you're doing something and tell them. "We'll be at Grover Park from 11-1pm today if you want to meet up with us." And then don't expect them.

Yes, only invite/include them on stuff you’re definitely going to do whether they show or not. That would drive me crazy otherwise.

[Anonymous]

DP here.
Stop the madness.
1. Only invite them to things you don’t expect them to be at and would be going to anyways
2. Invite them to group outings only for same reason as above.

I would be annoyed too, but you are not going to change their lifestyle, parenting choices, etc.

You can only look out for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Why not also politely mention you would appreciate they let you know when they decided not to come rather than when they are expected to be there?

[Anonymous]

Don’t make plans with them. Duh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have some friends who we genuinely like as people. The problem is that they are ALWAYS capitulating to their child, so if the child does not want to do something, they break plans with us, sometimes without even telling us! There have been times we were supposed to meet for dinner and I will be parking at the restaurant and they say their child is having a meltdown and they tell us they are not coming. Kid is 4, I get it, kids melt down and I think they sometimes are over committing child to things they can’t handle. But it’s so annoying. Today we were supposed to meet up with them to do some hockey stuff. DH went to our storage unit first thing in the morning to get our kid’s gear...and they cancelled and didn’t even tell me until I was at the skating ring and texted “where are you guys?” The response was “we are at home. Larlo wanted to play with his magnatiles”. I was like wtf seriously? They are so afraid to tell their kid no to anything he’s not up for. Meanwhile my kid was also contentedly playing at home (not a given, but he was enjoying himself today) and I had to get him going. It’s infuriating but we do like them and when we are able to get together we enjoy it. I really wanted to tell them off today but I said nothing. Not worth it to say anything right? Not sure how to proceed with this relationship at this point.

wtf indeed OP! Maybe you didn't mention it but did these people even apologize? It sounds like you said, they cater to their child's desires. But what it looks like is that they have absolutely no respect or consideration for you, your child or your time. As your child gets older remember that you are modeling to him in how you allow people to treat you.

[Anonymous]

I think you can bring it up without going off on them. I had a similar friend who always bailed when her kids didn’t want to do something. Finally I texted something along the lines of ‘Larlo is really disappointed, he was really looking forward to seeing Johnny. I wish you had told me earlier so I wouldn’t have gotten his hopes up and dragged him out of the house.’ She was a little bit better after that, but I basically wrote her off as a friend. Much easier to have zero expectations. She was also like that when it was just us getting together. Always cancelling because she was tired, hadn’t had a chance to shower that day etc.

[Anonymous]

Be sure to inform them how you have superior parenting skills, however, and how you don't kowtow to your child's whims. They should understand that.