Really nice but infuriating parents always cancelling wwyd

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP the only people I have known who had to cancel that much were people with special needs kids who really couldn't handle it and people who were having marital problems and ended up separating and getting divorced.

I would only do things with them in groups in the future, OP.

^^^ oops I said "handle it" but I meant handling whatever the social obligation was, not handling parenting! Their cancelling was understandable.

[Anonymous]

I would be frustrated too. No more plans with them. Stop the madness.

[Anonymous]

We knew people like this when our kids were 9-10. The kids would plan. The adults would all agree. The plan would be set. They were very nice people. But something would ALWAYS come up. And the reasons were crazy. “We decided Larla had to clean her room before she could come over ... 4 hours later ...”
Fast forward 10 years. It’s been really hard on the child. People have no patience for that kind of behavior so everyone just backed off. Now the parents just seem nuts and the the poor kid (now an adult) has paid the price.
No I never said anything. What could you say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who organized today's hockey meetup? If it was you, you need to stop organizing with them. If they were the organizers, say no next time and tell them why. Don't comment on their parentling, just their inability to follow thru.

I guess it was mutual- they’d been talking about doing it last night at 6 (which I knew was going to be too much for their kid and so we declined) but then I suggested today because neither of us had plans.

Stop suggesting. Stop accepting. If they offer, feel free to say, “That’s not going to work for us.” If they press, I would have no problem saying, “It’s been frustrating to make plans because you’ve canceled at the last minute.” But that’s how I roll.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have some friends who we genuinely like as people. The problem is that they are ALWAYS capitulating to their child, so if the child does not want to do something, they break plans with us, sometimes without even telling us! There have been times we were supposed to meet for dinner and I will be parking at the restaurant and they say their child is having a meltdown and they tell us they are not coming. Kid is 4, I get it, kids melt down and I think they sometimes are over committing child to things they can’t handle. But it’s so annoying. Today we were supposed to meet up with them to do some hockey stuff. DH went to our storage unit first thing in the morning to get our kid’s gear...and they cancelled and didn’t even tell me until I was at the skating ring and texted “where are you guys?” The response was “we are at home. Larlo wanted to play with his magnatiles”. I was like wtf seriously? They are so afraid to tell their kid no to anything he’s not up for. Meanwhile my kid was also contentedly playing at home (not a given, but he was enjoying himself today) and I had to get him going. It’s infuriating but we do like them and when we are able to get together we enjoy it. I really wanted to tell them off today but I said nothing. Not worth it to say anything right? Not sure how to proceed with this relationship at this point.

wtf indeed OP! Maybe you didn't mention it but did these people even apologize? It sounds like you said, they cater to their child's desires. But what it looks like is that they have absolutely no respect or consideration for you, your child or your time. As your child gets older remember that you are modeling to him in how you allow people to treat you.

This is the first time they haven’t apologized- usually they “so sorry but...”

Their apologies mean nothing if the behavior continues. At least they didn't bother to lie to you this time.

[Anonymous]

That’s super rude that they didn’t tell you until you texted them. If they are such nice people, are you sure there wasn’t a misunderstanding? I would call and say openly (but not rudely) that your family and kid were disappointed. Hopefully they’ll get the point. And yes, only invite them to group things or things you’d do anyway from now on. Don’t depend on their company.

[Anonymous]

Just stop making plans with them. Only invite them to stuff that you are happy to do anyway, or where there's a big group so their absence won't be missed. Don't put yourself out to do things with them.

And don't tell your kid that their kids will be there in advance. They were probably like this pre-kid, too. If this is a pattern, then this is just who they are, and you can't change them, so just adjust.