How difficult is it for men to wait until marriage?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been dating a great guy for a few months now. We get along really well and he ticks all the boxes. It’s becoming serious and he will introduce me very soon to his family.

All our dates have been in public, so like restaurants, cafes, beach, parks, etc. We haven’t yet been in total seclusion yet, as I haven’t been to his place nor has he to mine. We decided to go to each other’s places once we become more formal and after introducing ourselves to each other’s families.

The thing is, on our dates, I told the guy that I’m willing to wait until marriage to have sex. He was completely fine and told me if I’m comfortable with that, he’s got no problem and is willing to wait with me as well. We can still be physical in other ways to, except sex.

However, I’m starting to think to myself how realistic is it to wait until marriage. I mean, once we start going to each other’s places and get physical, wouldn’t it be easy for things to get out of hand? Also, would guys start to get sexually frustrated and break up since they’re not getting it?

I’m just curious to know for those who waited until marriage, how did you manage to refrain from sex and wait? Am I being unrealistic in telling him to wait for approx 2-3 years until marriage or would that be impossible? How difficult is it for men to wait until marriage?

[Anonymous]

Depends if when you meet up you help him with BJs. A man can wait quite awhile if he’s getting the BJ when you see each other.

[Anonymous]

" wait for approx 2-3 years until marriage " -- no, I don't think that's possible today, and I say this as someone who waited till I was 30 to have sex. I never had a serious BF before my current DH. We had sex fairly early on in our relationship (2 months?). And I'm a woman.

[Anonymous]

You might get a different perspective on religious websites. Not all people who wait until marriage are Duggars with side hugs. However, there are celibate engagements in many religious traditions. Look at Orthodox Jewish websites, though engagements tend to be shorter. A friend who is American Muslim was engaged for three years and a virgin on her wedding night. Still many Catholic couples who wait.

[Anonymous]

Is he religious?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You might get a different perspective on religious websites. Not all people who wait until marriage are Duggars with side hugs. However, there are celibate engagements in many religious traditions. Look at Orthodox Jewish websites, though engagements tend to be shorter. A friend who is American Muslim was engaged for three years and a virgin on her wedding night. Still many Catholic couples who wait.

They do everything else but PIV, ie, they pull a Clinton -- oral is not "real" sex.

[Anonymous]

How old are you? What’s your reason for waiting? If you believe God is going to strike you dead, there isn’t much you can do, but let’s get real. Either you believe in “chastity” as a concept, in which case doing “anything but” PIV is hypocritical, or you are just worried about a technicality.

I personally think that sex is too casual today and I prefer to wait until I’m really comfortable with someone, but I would not wait until a wedding night, either. If they’re the person I want to spend my life with, by the time I’m close to that decision I’m totally comfortable with them in all things, including sex.

Figuring out after you’re married that the sex part is really bad is a bad idea, especially because if you’re religious, divorce is also off the table.

In 2020, if you are not comfortable having sex with him, you’re not really ready to marry him. Period.

[Anonymous]

How old are you? Seems odd to me that you have had this conversation (about marriage) but never been to each other's houses?

Not sure you will get good advice from this website, since your experience/approach seems very unusual. Not bad, just rare.

[Anonymous]

Please reconsider, for both of your's sake. Sexual compatibility is absolutely crucial to a marriage survival. This is far too important for either of you to just roll the dice.

To answer your question: it would be uterlly impossible for a normal man to wait 2-3 years without sex.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who waited until marriage to have sex (about 1-2 years). My impression is that they are both low-sex drive people. They’ve been married about 6 years and have sex only a handful of times a year from what she’s told me. They seem to be happy with this arrangement.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I waited, but I had been with a long time boyfriend before. We dated for 3 1/2 years before marriage. It was sometimes hard but we were both on board with waiting so neither of us pushed the other to try and cave.

[Anonymous]

There aren't that many Catholic couples who wait. There never were. They would get married young, right out of high school.

[Anonymous]

A guy who will wait for marriage in 2020:
1. Such low sex drive that sex doesn't matter to him
2. So unattractive / inept with women he has no other choice
3. Lying to you about waiting while he gets it elsewhere

Marrying any of these men will result in a marriage that fails.

You don't want to marry a man who will wait for marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You might get a different perspective on religious websites. Not all people who wait until marriage are Duggars with side hugs. However, there are celibate engagements in many religious traditions. Look at Orthodox Jewish websites, though engagements tend to be shorter. A friend who is American Muslim was engaged for three years and a virgin on her wedding night. Still many Catholic couples who wait.

They do everything else but PIV, ie, they pull a Clinton -- oral is not "real" sex.

How do you know what everyone is doing in bed?

[Anonymous]

I wasn't super religious, but one of the things I did hold close was the idea of waiting until I was married to have sex. I can't tell you how many women thought I was gay or assumed I had AIDS. I got cheated on by those who couldn't wait, and some kindly told me they weren't interested in a sex-free relationship. I ended up caving and having sex. Years later I met the woman who would become my wife. We both shared a history of failing at waiting, so we decided that we wouldn't do it unless the relationship led to marriage. We were successful, but the sex was terrible. Of course I couldn't say that to her. She had more partners than I did, so it wasn't inexperience. We just weren't sexually compatible in terms of skill, variety, or frequency. It never occurred to me that it might be an issue. We divorced ten years later. I would never suggest anyone wait unless they're a virgin and have no previous partners to use as a reference.