What caused the shift in “quality parenting”?

[Anonymous]

The domestic labor thread got me thinking: my parents never played with me and my siblings growing up, nor did they help us with homework or provide extracurricular academic enrichment. They loved us and we had family dinners every night, but it was clear that the world belonged to adults and as long as we were out of the way and not in trouble we played did whatever we made up.

Yesterday I saw a ten-year-old boy on his bicycle alone outside (in our very safe neighborhood) and I actually caught myself wondering if he was safe alone near the street. What happened to change the parenting landscape so much?

[Anonymous]

The shift was caused by the number of children. When families typically had 3-4 or 6 or 8 kids, they were valuable collectively but less individually. Now families have 1 or 2 kids and each is very valuable, and therefore receives a larger parental investment of time, money, and other resources.

[Anonymous]

Competitive world of social media parenting: look at us baking cookies together etc

[Anonymous]

Parents don't raise their own kids anymore. So they want to spend more time with them when they are around.

[Anonymous]

Parents don't raise their own kids and the places they ship them off to (daycare, after school care, etc) have an interest in keeping the kids developmentally stunted. They're told to not think for themselves, just follow the rules, don't do anything out of the ordinary, etc. Those kids never learn to be safe on their own and use good judgement.

When we were younger, we were walking home by ourselves before 10 years old, even looking after younger siblings, and looking after ourselves at home until parents got home from work. We roamed the neighborhoods on bikes. All of this developed independences and generally also better judgement as the kids got older.

[Anonymous]

For a lot of families, there is no shift. For some parents, we want better for our kids and put in the effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents don't raise their own kids and the places they ship them off to (daycare, after school care, etc) have an interest in keeping the kids developmentally stunted. They're told to not think for themselves, just follow the rules, don't do anything out of the ordinary, etc. Those kids never learn to be safe on their own and use good judgement.

When we were younger, we were walking home by ourselves before 10 years old, even looking after younger siblings, and looking after ourselves at home until parents got home from work. We roamed the neighborhoods on bikes. All of this developed independences and generally also better judgement as the kids got older.

Also, the world is a different place now. People are more entitled, etc. Kids are generally way worse behaved. People are a lot more distracted, driving around using phones etc.

It's not the same world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents don't raise their own kids and the places they ship them off to (daycare, after school care, etc) have an interest in keeping the kids developmentally stunted. They're told to not think for themselves, just follow the rules, don't do anything out of the ordinary, etc. Those kids never learn to be safe on their own and use good judgement.

When we were younger, we were walking home by ourselves before 10 years old, even looking after younger siblings, and looking after ourselves at home until parents got home from work. We roamed the neighborhoods on bikes. All of this developed independences and generally also better judgement as the kids got older.

Apparently not since now we're intentionally stunting our children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents don't raise their own kids anymore. So they want to spend more time with them when they are around.

I assume you refer to a decrease in the number of SAHMs?
I grew up in a lower middle class area. Out of my graduating class from high school, I can count on one hand the number of kids who had a SAHP for any significant amount of time. As children, we were all in daycare, after school care, or being watched by a babysitter or grandparent. Both parents worked to make ends meet. This isn't some new thing.

[Anonymous]

I think that in general, kids spend a LOT more time away from home/the neighborhood than they did back in the day. Yes, there is much more daycare and aftercare, but also sports and other structured activities that are much more prevalent now than there used to be. Thus, when the kids are actually home, their parents want to spend time with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents don't raise their own kids anymore. So they want to spend more time with them when they are around.

I assume you refer to a decrease in the number of SAHMs?
I grew up in a lower middle class area. Out of my graduating class from high school, I can count on one hand the number of kids who had a SAHP for any significant amount of time. As children, we were all in daycare, after school care, or being watched by a babysitter or grandparent. Both parents worked to make ends meet. This isn't some new thing.

I know more SAHM's than I did growing up. Child care was much more affordable then. Now it doesn't pay if you aren't high income for both parents to work. Growing up our grandparents would drive in for holidays and long breaks. Now, I'm lucky if my parents will take my child for an hour. My child has never slept over their grandparents house and they would never help in an emergency as they are too wrapped up in their own lives. We live 5 minutes away.

[Anonymous]

My theories.

People having fewer kids. More time and attention available. More pressure for the one or two kids to "turn out" right.

24-7 fear-based media coverage that makes it seem like the world is less safe when in fact, the world is just about as unsafe as it ever was. Before our parents weren't bombarded with this info constantly.

More families with two-working parents. More parents wanting to maximize time spent since time spent with kids is far less. Less of an organic neighborhood culture where kids are just kind of milling around all the time unsupervised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that in general, kids spend a LOT more time away from home/the neighborhood than they did back in the day. Yes, there is much more daycare and aftercare, but also sports and other structured activities that are much more prevalent now than there used to be. Thus, when the kids are actually home, their parents want to spend time with them.

Yes, this, plus a proliferation of screen options that keep them inside even if they are home. As tweens and teenagers we were bored and went outside and hung out with neighbors all summer. There was no texting with your friends. There was go outside with the other humans or maybe get on the phone, except you only had one phone line and couldn't do that for hours at a time and tie up the phone line.

[Anonymous]

Fear and the police culture.

[Anonymous]

Parenting has become endlessly scrutinized by science, medicine and public policy. There now exists for every parenting 'skill' ten experts, 20 books and a host of potentially devastating consequences for your offspring if you parent poorly. As the spectrum of human qualities get increasingly pathologized (remember when wild children were disobedient and not ODD? Bad handwriting meant a bad grade, not occupational therapy?), parents get much more anxious about their children's welfare relative to their peers. Social media has people paranoid; every academic skill is an 'edge', every neighbor a potential child molester.