What caused the shift in “quality parenting”?

[Anonymous]

DH was born in 62 and raised in “children should be seen and not heard” mode.

I feel like it wasn’t particularly nurturing. Him and his siblings have issues with relationships, communication, expressing feelings . So I can’t exactly say it turned out alright.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH was born in 62 and raised in “children should be seen and not heard” mode.

I feel like it wasn’t particularly nurturing. Him and his siblings have issues with relationships, communication, expressing feelings . So I can’t exactly say it turned out alright.

I want to add that his mom was a SAH and her parenting involvement was to say “go outside and play” and his dad looked at kids from behind a newspaper.

I think this generation overcompensating for neglect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH was born in 62 and raised in “children should be seen and not heard” mode.

I feel like it wasn’t particularly nurturing. Him and his siblings have issues with relationships, communication, expressing feelings . So I can’t exactly say it turned out alright.

I want to add that his mom was a SAH and her parenting involvement was to say “go outside and play” and his dad looked at kids from behind a newspaper.

I think this generation overcompensating for neglect.

Benign neglect for the most part. “Go outside and play” is one of the best things you can say to a kid.

[Anonymous]

I'm Gen X with teens, and what I see is too many Millennial parents not adjusting to being parents. As in, they want someone else to do the heavy lifting on this whole parenting thing.

I've been outside gardening and overheard Millennial parents tell their kids to "shut up" as they stared at their phones on the walk home from the bus stop, as if they're somehow angry they have to parent their own kids. It is just so strange. It is at if many Millennial couples are constantly at war as to who is "stuck" with the kids today.

It's time for some parents to grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH was born in 62 and raised in “children should be seen and not heard” mode.

I feel like it wasn’t particularly nurturing. Him and his siblings have issues with relationships, communication, expressing feelings . So I can’t exactly say it turned out alright.

I want to add that his mom was a SAH and her parenting involvement was to say “go outside and play” and his dad looked at kids from behind a newspaper.

I think this generation overcompensating for neglect.

Millennial here. A lot of parents are just keeping up appearances. My “public mother” and my “private mother” were two very different people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm Gen X with teens, and what I see is too many Millennial parents not adjusting to being parents. As in, they want someone else to do the heavy lifting on this whole parenting thing.

I've been outside gardening and overheard Millennial parents tell their kids to "shut up" as they stared at their phones on the walk home from the bus stop, as if they're somehow angry they have to parent their own kids. It is just so strange. It is at if many Millennial couples are constantly at war as to who is "stuck" with the kids today.

It's time for some parents to grow up.

What’s new about that? Well, the phones are!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm Gen X with teens, and what I see is too many Millennial parents not adjusting to being parents. As in, they want someone else to do the heavy lifting on this whole parenting thing.

I've been outside gardening and overheard Millennial parents tell their kids to "shut up" as they stared at their phones on the walk home from the bus stop, as if they're somehow angry they have to parent their own kids. It is just so strange. It is at if many Millennial couples are constantly at war as to who is "stuck" with the kids today.

It's time for some parents to grow up.

What? That’s not my experience at all. I only see anxious millennial parents hovering above their 3 year olds at the playground in order to avoid human contact with other adults around them. Millenials are arguably the MOST overinvolved parents, with their Larla-is-allergic-to-red-dye and Larlo is sensitive-to-tags-and-small-talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel really bad about it for my kids. I want them to go out and play freely in our neighborhood (where there is no crime at all!) but most other parents do not allow their children out unsupervised even at 10 years old. Very sad!

Is this a regional thing?

Is there some other city in this country where kids playing freely is still the norm? I dream of being able to provide the “Goonies” style “pack of kids having fun” that I experienced in MoCo in the 80s but not sure if that exists anywhere anymore.

I grew up in MoCo. We were not free range at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm Gen X with teens, and what I see is too many Millennial parents not adjusting to being parents. As in, they want someone else to do the heavy lifting on this whole parenting thing.

I've been outside gardening and overheard Millennial parents tell their kids to "shut up" as they stared at their phones on the walk home from the bus stop, as if they're somehow angry they have to parent their own kids. It is just so strange. It is at if many Millennial couples are constantly at war as to who is "stuck" with the kids today.

It's time for some parents to grow up.

What? That’s not my experience at all. I only see anxious millennial parents hovering above their 3 year olds at the playground in order to avoid human contact with other adults around them. Millenials are arguably the MOST overinvolved parents, with their Larla-is-allergic-to-red-dye and Larlo is sensitive-to-tags-and-small-talk.

Yes, how terrible they engage and interact with their kids while you are on your phone or chatting away ignoring yours while yours latches on to someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm Gen X with teens, and what I see is too many Millennial parents not adjusting to being parents. As in, they want someone else to do the heavy lifting on this whole parenting thing.

I've been outside gardening and overheard Millennial parents tell their kids to "shut up" as they stared at their phones on the walk home from the bus stop, as if they're somehow angry they have to parent their own kids. It is just so strange. It is at if many Millennial couples are constantly at war as to who is "stuck" with the kids today.

It's time for some parents to grow up.

What? That’s not my experience at all. I only see anxious millennial parents hovering above their 3 year olds at the playground in order to avoid human contact with other adults around them. Millenials are arguably the MOST overinvolved parents, with their Larla-is-allergic-to-red-dye and Larlo is sensitive-to-tags-and-small-talk.

This is not unique to millennials by any means. Gen X-er here who’s seen this going on for a long time. Can we not turn this into yet another millennial bash? It’s getting tired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH was born in 62 and raised in “children should be seen and not heard” mode.

I feel like it wasn’t particularly nurturing. Him and his siblings have issues with relationships, communication, expressing feelings . So I can’t exactly say it turned out alright.

I want to add that his mom was a SAH and her parenting involvement was to say “go outside and play” and his dad looked at kids from behind a newspaper.

I think this generation overcompensating for neglect.

You are way overgeneralizing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents don't raise their own kids and the places they ship them off to (daycare, after school care, etc) have an interest in keeping the kids developmentally stunted. They're told to not think for themselves, just follow the rules, don't do anything out of the ordinary, etc. Those kids never learn to be safe on their own and use good judgement.

When we were younger, we were walking home by ourselves before 10 years old, even looking after younger siblings, and looking after ourselves at home until parents got home from work. We roamed the neighborhoods on bikes. All of this developed independences and generally also better judgement as the kids got older.

This is a laughably ignorant take on the issue.

We were shipped off to day care, before and after school care, camps and grandparents. Difference is we had grandparents involved and now less are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For a lot of families, there is no shift. For some parents, we want better for our kids and put in the effort.

I don’t necessarily equate putting more effort into parenting as having a better outcome. In many cases it produces anxiety-ridden kids who have no confidence in their own abilities or entitled kids who think they’re better because their parents have spent so much money on them.

You are not causing anxiety by being involved. You are justifying your neglectful parenting. Kids can get anxiety and a lot more from parents who are not involved. Nothing wrong with getting your kids in activities and supporting their interests. But, good way to justify that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parenting has become endlessly scrutinized by science, medicine and public policy. There now exists for every parenting 'skill' ten experts, 20 books and a host of potentially devastating consequences for your offspring if you parent poorly. As the spectrum of human qualities get increasingly pathologized (remember when wild children were disobedient and not ODD? Bad handwriting meant a bad grade, not occupational therapy?), parents get much more anxious about their children's welfare relative to their peers. Social media has people paranoid; every academic skill is an 'edge', every neighbor a potential child molester.

Its a money grab and a way for people to make money off of others. If parents spent more time working on handwriting, kids may not need an OT or just a few sessions. It really hasn't changed that much, at least from my life. There were parenting books when we grew up. The big difference is parents have more free time. 100 years ago everything was done by hand. Life is much easier and not comparable anymore. We also had active grandparents that many of us don't have know. If I have problem, I call a neighbor. My mom is too busy with her life.

[Anonymous]

I can see everything live: their grades, their social media, their location.