Why do some people do this ? I’m so baffled by her behavior

[Anonymous]

I was at a coffee shop the other day and a woman chatted me up as I was leaving. She saw that was studying for the lsat and she mentioned that she’s studying for the bar. We started talking and had what seemed like a good rapport. I told her was going to see the movie ‘Just Mercy’, and I asked if she wanted to go see it. She asked if she and I were the only POC at bookclub. I told her yes, with the exception of a graduate student, but it’s a hit or miss with her. It was a bookclub event and we both have a passion for activism and are POC, I thought she would like to go. She seemed really excited about it and we exchanged contact after she told me that if I ever have any questions to reach out to her. She also mentioned what days she’s in the coffee shop studying and told me that if I ever want to meet up and help motivate each other study, to text her. Well, I told her I go to the same coffee shop as a change of pace but I’m usually at the library but I’d be happy to meet up. The next day I went to the coffee shop and studied but I left early due to a doctors appt. She had made it a point to say that she would introduce me to various people she knows and that I’d be perfect for the firm she works at, as she can see I have a lot of passion for advocacy and they are always looking for POC. I admitted to her I’m interested in education law due to a personal reason and told her I have a learning disability that was not found until college and I want to help others so they know their rights. Anyways, I didn’t meet up the other days to study at coffee shop because I went to the library. The day of the event she texted me to say that she couldn’t make it. I asked if she still wanted to meet up once in a while like we planned and then told her if she’s ever interested in attending bookclub to let me know, as it’s a great group of ladies. Well, it’s been crickets with her. I’m not sure what happened. I’m not going to text her again. I’m just baffled by her behavior.

I was pleasantly surprised by how encouraging she was and I was thankful for her support but I’m so baffled now by her behavior.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like maybe the momentum died. It’s just like dating. If enough time passes without seeing the other person, things can sort of fizzle. Plus the holidays could have been busy for her.

Maybe reach out one more time and if no response then drop it.

[Anonymous]

I have strong bouts of social anxiety. I can be okay in the moment, but then I go away and start getting anxious about it and then find ways to avoid interacting with people. Lots of people think I'm stuck up or a bitch, but really it's just my anxiety that makes me avoid socializing.

[Anonymous]

She started over thinking things afterwards or her attention has become focused elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

She rethought a relationship with you. It happens. You seem overinvested in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have strong bouts of social anxiety. I can be okay in the moment, but then I go away and start getting anxious about it and then find ways to avoid interacting with people. Lots of people think I'm stuck up or a bitch, but really it's just my anxiety that makes me avoid socializing.

This is what happens to me. I hate this about myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have strong bouts of social anxiety. I can be okay in the moment, but then I go away and start getting anxious about it and then find ways to avoid interacting with people. Lots of people think I'm stuck up or a bitch, but really it's just my anxiety that makes me avoid socializing.

+1

Sadly, many people with social anxiety are seen as arrogant or aloof.

[Anonymous]

She's not interested in someone with a learning disability.

[Anonymous]

People say things in the moment that they don't really mean all of the time. It sounds good.

[Anonymous]

She knows you're interested in a friendship with her, so there's nothing to be done. She seems to be one of those people who are good at networking, but wouldn't go too deep or too far. Let it be.

[Anonymous]

"I admitted to her I’m interested in education law due to a personal reason and told her I have a learning disability that was not found until college and I want to help others so they know their rights."

This. This is your answer. You were waaaay to candid with someone you just met.

She is worried you may indeed ask her to follow-through on introductions to her company/firm and (rightly or wrongly) she's not comfortable recommending you now.

[Anonymous]

You were open book.
She read and moved on.
Do the same.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP this is actually your fault. She gave you an opening by telling you when she was at the shop and you never went. YOU were the one who seemed uninterested.

[Anonymous]

+1 ^^

To the above response.
So on point!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP this is actually your fault. She gave you an opening by telling you when she was at the shop and you never went. YOU were the one who seemed uninterested.

+1 This sorry to pile on. She probably thought you were not that interested and has moved on. She must have been baffled why you didn't show up when she offered to help you. Everyone has their own timeline and may not be waiting around for you on your schedule.