Perfect Guy but..
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Anonymous
| I'm 35 and have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year. I feel like I found the perfect guy for me but some of his views just don't match up with mine. The biggest being he wants a wife to stay home once kids come along, which is what his mom did. He makes more than enough to support a family, but I'm passionate about working for many reasons like divorce, job loss, illness, etc. He is also a big suburbs guy, but I was born and raised in the city. I love him and everything else is great. We are very serious and have been talking about moving in together, getting married, and having children. In some ways I feel like I will be settling. I know relationships are a give and take, and we will have a great life, but I don't think giving up my career is something I want to do. I worked really hard to advance my degree and get to where I am today. If you were in a similar circumstance, what did you do? |
Anonymous
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In those circumstances, I would tell him that if he wants a parent to be at home with the children, he can stay at home with them.
He can control his own life, but not yours. |
Anonymous
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This is a tough one, OP. As you know, all relationships require compromise and great guys like this don't come around very often, especially at your age. However, these are some pretty big incompatibilities that need to be addressed before you go much further.
My only piece of advice is this: You need to make a decision sooner rather than later. At 35, you don't have the luxury of waiting around hoping he'll change his mind, or you will, or that you'll see some sign from above as to what your future should look like. And know this: there is no right answer, only the right answer for you and him, today. Once you do decide, try to move forward without second guessing. Could you regret either decision -- keep him or break up --- in 10 years? Of course. But all you can do is make the best decision for yourself right now, and then move forward from there. Good luck. |
Anonymous
Agreed. IMO Families with two working parents with flexible jobs are absolutely the best off. |
Anonymous
That's not how a marriage works. |
Anonymous
| You’re settling because your clock is ticking. Recognize it, own it, and resign yourself to a mediocre life. Or get out now and live a life that may be uncertain, but certain not to end up a disappointment. |
Anonymous
Please spare this guy the pain of being married to you. |
Anonymous
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How do you know that the two of you can even have children?
If either of you couldn't, and knowing that now, what would your decision be? |
Anonymous
Oh, whoa whoa whoa. Sorry, but this is way off. I agree that OP needs to recognize that the clock is ticking. But in no way should she assume that marrying this guy, having kids and moving to the 'burbs will necessarily be a "mediocre" life. She could love motherhood more than she could ever imagine now, once these hypothetical kids arrive. By the same token, if she dumps this guy and moves on to "uncertainty," that could absolutely end up in disappointment. Just ask some of the many 50+ never married women in this city who would give anything for a redo with the guy they let get away. |
Anonymous
Yeah these are fundamental differences. This is clearly not the “perfect” guy for you. Move on. |
Anonymous
| Wtf. You guys are not a match. You need to tell him up front that you aren’t going to be a sahm and see if he can happily accept that. If not, break up: |
Anonymous
+1. Run. |
Anonymous
+2 |
Anonymous
| Sorry but he is not a perfect guy with those requirements. |
Anonymous
| These are really fundamental issues and will leave one or both of you to be very resentful. I would cut my losses and move on. |