My MIL refuses to spell grandchild's name correctly

[Anonymous]

It's not actually even the spelling - it's the spacing. Our daughter has a double-barreled first name, each name is quite short and only 1 syllable, so it is something like Anne Claire. I understand that this is not to everyones taste but it's what we named her and we love it. To those wondering, we never have had any issues with official forms, schools just calling her just Anne, etc. It is a two syllable name made up of two names that are, for most people, easily recognizable, spelled, and pronounced. It has been a total non issues except that my husband's mom always spells it AnneClaire. Gets things embroidered with AnneClaire, spells it like that in cards, etc. My husband always "reminds" (in quote, because I can't imagine she doesn't realize what she is doing) how our daughter's name is written, but she has yet to make any changes. I just ignore it and don't react (I assume she is looking for some sort of reaction from me?) but it's so odd that she insists on continuing to do this. Anyone else have a similar issue?

[Anonymous]

She sounds dense.

[Anonymous]

So what? I'm the "grandchild" in this situation and it never made a whit of difference to me. In fact, I remember thinking "Grandma has a special name for me."

[Anonymous]

I would just tell her again and again about the spacing. If she has something embroidered, I would ask her where she ordered it and but a new one with the correction. I would show her the new item and say that is how her name should be written. Ask her if, in the future, she could space it correctly because it is important to everyone in your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just tell her again and again about the spacing. If she has something embroidered, I would ask her where she ordered it and but a new one with the correction. I would show her the new item and say that is how her name should be written. Ask her if, in the future, she could space it correctly because it is important to everyone in your family.

+1 keep correcting her just as you would little Anne Claire as If she were learning to write her own name. MIL will eventually give up and find a new name altogether to reference her as.

[Anonymous]

Oh my grandmother did something like this! My parents named me Suzanne which apparently was far too Frenchified for my old Irish grandmother. I grew up using a nickname so it should have been even more irrelevant, but for my entire life she addressed me as Susan, including in letters and cards. As far as I can remember, we only ever laughed about it. She was a tough old biddy and those tribal New England prejudices die hard.

OP your MIL isn't cool w/the way you've spelled your daughter's name. You can stew in resentment, correct her ad nauseum, and spend decades fighting over a space. Or consider it an absurd family joke.

[Anonymous]

A possibility.... I have a niece with a two-name first name. MANY people who don't know her and just see the spelling call her the first name, instead of both. I wonder if this is your MIL's way of making sure everyone knows both names are her first name, because she has had experience with her friends who see it and just use the first name. Now it's in her head (the elderly don't adapt as easily to change of any kind) and she is trying to solve it. This doesn't make it any less irritating, but less seemingly passive aggressive on her part. Just a thought.....

[Anonymous]

Not a big deal. Like one of the PPs said, it could just be seen as a special name from Grandma or an endearing quirk. True story- my grandfather really really wanted a granddaughter with named Dorcas (like the biblical figure.) That is not even remotely close to my name, but he called me exclusively that until he passed away. I remember it fondly. Think big picture. Does it bother your child?

[Anonymous]

I’m 48 and my mother’s side misspells my name. No big deal at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh my grandmother did something like this! My parents named me Suzanne which apparently was far too Frenchified for my old Irish grandmother. I grew up using a nickname so it should have been even more irrelevant, but for my entire life she addressed me as Susan, including in letters and cards. As far as I can remember, we only ever laughed about it. She was a tough old biddy and those tribal New England prejudices die hard.

OP your MIL isn't cool w/the way you've spelled your daughter's name. You can stew in resentment, correct her ad nauseum, and spend decades fighting over a space. Or consider it an absurd family joke.

Great advice to just treat it as an absurd family joke. I'm mostly in that camp, but another thing that is bothering me about it is that grandma subtly (but clearly) prefers our older child, so always miswriting the younger one's name gets to me more than it normally would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh my grandmother did something like this! My parents named me Suzanne which apparently was far too Frenchified for my old Irish grandmother. I grew up using a nickname so it should have been even more irrelevant, but for my entire life she addressed me as Susan, including in letters and cards. As far as I can remember, we only ever laughed about it. She was a tough old biddy and those tribal New England prejudices die hard.

OP your MIL isn't cool w/the way you've spelled your daughter's name. You can stew in resentment, correct her ad nauseum, and spend decades fighting over a space. Or consider it an absurd family joke.

This.

It’s pretty ridiculous that she thinks she can impact anything by buying lots of personalized gifts. The only impact she can have is annoying you, so if you take that away from her, she has nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh my grandmother did something like this! My parents named me Suzanne which apparently was far too Frenchified for my old Irish grandmother. I grew up using a nickname so it should have been even more irrelevant, but for my entire life she addressed me as Susan, including in letters and cards. As far as I can remember, we only ever laughed about it. She was a tough old biddy and those tribal New England prejudices die hard.

OP your MIL isn't cool w/the way you've spelled your daughter's name. You can stew in resentment, correct her ad nauseum, and spend decades fighting over a space. Or consider it an absurd family joke.

Great advice to just treat it as an absurd family joke. I'm mostly in that camp, but another thing that is bothering me about it is that grandma subtly (but clearly) prefers our older child, so always miswriting the younger one's name gets to me more than it normally would.

NP, and the subtle preference issue does complicate things. I'm in the treat-as-a-joke camp, but you're going to want to keep an eye on unequal treatment that's intended to dismiss/diminish your younger child. That can cause problems you may not recognize until after the damage gets internalized.

A tough old Irish grandmother who resists a name because it's too Frenchified isn't targeting the child, she's uncomfortable with the name. No harm intended, no harm experienced, and not the same thing that you're describing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not actually even the spelling - it's the spacing. Our daughter has a double-barreled first name, each name is quite short and only 1 syllable, so it is something like Anne Claire. I understand that this is not to everyones taste but it's what we named her and we love it. To those wondering, we never have had any issues with official forms, schools just calling her just Anne, etc. It is a two syllable name made up of two names that are, for most people, easily recognizable, spelled, and pronounced. It has been a total non issues except that my husband's mom always spells it AnneClaire. Gets things embroidered with AnneClaire, spells it like that in cards, etc. My husband always "reminds" (in quote, because I can't imagine she doesn't realize what she is doing) how our daughter's name is written, but she has yet to make any changes. I just ignore it and don't react (I assume she is looking for some sort of reaction from me?) but it's so odd that she insists on continuing to do this. Anyone else have a similar issue?

The space makes her — and everyone else — think it is a first name, middle name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not actually even the spelling - it's the spacing. Our daughter has a double-barreled first name, each name is quite short and only 1 syllable, so it is something like Anne Claire. I understand that this is not to everyones taste but it's what we named her and we love it. To those wondering, we never have had any issues with official forms, schools just calling her just Anne, etc. It is a two syllable name made up of two names that are, for most people, easily recognizable, spelled, and pronounced. It has been a total non issues except that my husband's mom always spells it AnneClaire. Gets things embroidered with AnneClaire, spells it like that in cards, etc. My husband always "reminds" (in quote, because I can't imagine she doesn't realize what she is doing) how our daughter's name is written, but she has yet to make any changes. I just ignore it and don't react (I assume she is looking for some sort of reaction from me?) but it's so odd that she insists on continuing to do this. Anyone else have a similar issue?

The space makes her — and everyone else — think it is a first name, middle name.

So? Many people go by first name and middle name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not actually even the spelling - it's the spacing. Our daughter has a double-barreled first name, each name is quite short and only 1 syllable, so it is something like Anne Claire. I understand that this is not to everyones taste but it's what we named her and we love it. To those wondering, we never have had any issues with official forms, schools just calling her just Anne, etc. It is a two syllable name made up of two names that are, for most people, easily recognizable, spelled, and pronounced. It has been a total non issues except that my husband's mom always spells it AnneClaire. Gets things embroidered with AnneClaire, spells it like that in cards, etc. My husband always "reminds" (in quote, because I can't imagine she doesn't realize what she is doing) how our daughter's name is written, but she has yet to make any changes. I just ignore it and don't react (I assume she is looking for some sort of reaction from me?) but it's so odd that she insists on continuing to do this. Anyone else have a similar issue?

The space makes her — and everyone else — think it is a first name, middle name.

Except she knows that her granddaughter's name is Anne Claire. I'm not sure how much clearer we could be. Also, we haven't had any issues out in the real world - we write "Anne Claire" in the first name space on all forms, so no issues with just being called Anne have ever happened at school or at the doctor's office, and it's never been an issue with booking flights, filling out and receiving official government documents with her name on them...it is a total non-issue except for grandma.