Can someone please slap me out of my selfish funk??

[Anonymous]

My child applied ED to a great school-top 10. Had the grades for an Ivy but, given the low acceptance rates, child decided to aim slightly lower. My belief is that ED is for your dream school and I encouraged child to apply to the ivy but child said they’d rather go for a really good school with a (albeit slightly) higher chance of getting in. They’re in now. I’m happy for them but I can’t rid myself of the disappointment though I haven’t shown it.
I know it’s not about me, child is happy with their choice, they will be fine.
Slap me out of this funk. If anyone can do it, DCUM can. It’s open season on the OP!

Go!

[Anonymous]

Grad school.
Your child can apply to Ivy League grad schools if they work hard and get teacher recommendations and internships in undergrad.

[Anonymous]

The slightly nicer reply: You're right. It's not about you. Parent the child you have, not the child you thought you'd have.

The nastier reply: If you'd prefer that your child be miserable at an Ivy so you can have bragging rights, rather than happy at the "top 10" school they'd rather attend, you're a terrible parent.

[Anonymous]

When you see how happy your child is a year from now, you will know it is all for the best.

[Anonymous]

MIT, Stanford, Chicago, Northwestern, Duke, Hopkins. These are the only non-ivy top 10. Which of these do you feel is "aiming lower"? You have problems.

[Anonymous]

Mourn a small amount of time (privately) realizing you are mourning your dream. Now congratulation yourself for raising a self confident, grounded child. Then celebrate.

[Anonymous]

Here’s the slap you’re asking for:

Putting your own need to feed your insecurity over your kid’s happiness is some straight up loser nonsense.

Don’t be a loser.

[Anonymous]

Is the school a good fit for your kid? They showed a lot of maturity in choosing it and it sounds like they will make great decisions in college and in life!

[Anonymous]

You kid sounds like they have a good head on their shoulders and will do well in life.

You, at least, seem sort of charming. It is amusing to think of coming to DCUM for the express purpose of being slapped around.

[Anonymous]

Your kid is a wise old soul. You are a young soul with lessons to learn. Learn them.

[Anonymous]

What does it mean to have the grades for an Ivy? Perfect grades? You need basically perfect grades to get into any of the top 10. Unless your kid has something else really special (legacy, uncommon leadership or athleticism, etc.) Having the grades doesn't mean a lot.

I think of excellent grades as being the minimum bar to get into the tippy-top schools: necessary but not sufficient.

[Anonymous]

A year from now, all the time spent overthinking about prestige of the college will disappear. Really.

Your student will be in the throws of sinking or swimming in college and last year will feel like a stupid waste of time.

[Anonymous]

You should be so happy! I'm jealous - my DS has a lot on his list and has already been rejected from 2 of his reach schools.

Your kid is happy, picked their #1 school and are in? You should be proud and happy and grateful and if you aren't, please don't say that in public. That sucks.

[Anonymous]

OP -

I'm glad you are venting this anonymously. The truth is, your kid is in at a school that is plenty good enough to fulfill any dream they have.

And, as I watch my kid in engineering school, it wouldn't be a bad thing to be a bit "above average" relative to your peers. There are internships and opportunities that are selective - who really cares about opportunities that your kid won't be good enough to claim as their own?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You kid sounds like they have a good head on their shoulders and will do well in life.

You, at least, seem sort of charming. It is amusing to think of coming to DCUM for the express purpose of being slapped around.

+1 on both. This is an excellent use of the College Forum, OP. I commend you!

This was a couple years ago, but my kid with perfect grades, test scores (2400 on the SAT first sitting) and subject scores blew her SCEA on Stanford and didn’t get in to either of the ivies she applied to. Same story with all her high stats friends. Without a hook or amazing ECs, great stats alone will not get the job done. Your kid made a smart decision, and you should be very impressed by their judgement. Plus, now they are done with the stress of applications and you can enjoy the rest of senior year with them!