Can someone please slap me out of my selfish funk??

[Anonymous]

Op, what do you think would be different about your kid’s education or future if he or she had gotten into the school you envisioned?

I went to a top school and one of the most liberating things about going there is that you realize...it’s just a school. Pretty, yes, but with flaws like every institution, and not even a particularly good experience for a significant number of students there, for at least some of their time there. Graduation did not guarantee anything: not health, nor happiness, nor good employment, nor financial security. I look at my classmates now, and is plenty of struggle and pain....because you can’t escape that stuff, no matter where you went.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here’s the slap you’re asking for:

Putting your own need to feed your insecurity over your kid’s happiness is some straight up loser nonsense.

Don’t be a loser.

Raising funds to turn that brilliant response into a billboard on the interstate.

[Anonymous]

OP: I am puzzled by your ignorance about college education in the US.

The non-Ivy top ten schools like MIT, Stanford, Duke, and U of Chicago can provide better education and are as (or more) difficult to get in than some of the Ivies. I went to MIT and my sister attended Stanford - and we never even applied to an Ivy because both of us thought that these schools were a better fit for us. Luckily, we had parents who trusted us and cared about quality education!

[Anonymous]

OP, I understand how you feel but you need to get over it. I had parents like you and a similar thing happened to me. Even now, 20 years later, while I just made partner in biglaw, my dad will still say “if only you’d got a place at Harvard”. I have no idea what he thinks would be better about my life - he doesn’t know either, it’s just a box ticking exercise for him. Like, I went to excellent high school, law school, got great jobs, had family etc and if he were designing my “perfect” life, he’d add Harvard in there. He feels I deserved to go there, and wanted that for me even though I didn’t care about it myself. I just laugh about it now but for years it drove me crazy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was their first major decision as an adult. Your kid will want to prove it was a good decision. That is what you want above all else.

+1. As for who from their school did take the risk and got in the Ivies., I would say “comparison is the thief of joy”. You DC weighed the odds and figured the slightly better odds at a darn good school and was better than using their one ED shot for even lower odds. This was their first major adult decision. All the hard work has helped him/her get into a top ten school and can help them do well once they get there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child applied ED to a great school-top 10. Had the grades for an Ivy but, given the low acceptance rates, child decided to aim slightly lower. My belief is that ED is for your dream school and I encouraged child to apply to the ivy but child said they’d rather go for a really good school with a (albeit slightly) higher chance of getting in. They’re in now. I’m happy for them but I can’t rid myself of the disappointment though I haven’t shown it.
I know it’s not about me, child is happy with their choice, they will be fine.
Slap me out of this funk. If anyone can do it, DCUM can. It’s open season on the OP!

Go!

It is nice that you are so confident about a possible acceptance from ivy. You should stop feeling regret. How many people got into ivy at your kids’ school? It is a total game of chance unless you are legacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: I am puzzled by your ignorance about college education in the US.

The non-Ivy top ten schools like MIT, Stanford, Duke, and U of Chicago can provide better education and are as (or more) difficult to get in than some of the Ivies. I went to MIT and my sister attended Stanford - and we never even applied to an Ivy because both of us thought that these schools were a better fit for us. Luckily, we had parents who trusted us and cared about quality education!

How is MIT or Stanford less than ivy? This is bragging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. You’re all being much kinder than I’d hoped. I really really want to move past this because it’s done. Its more painful to feel this way than to just let it go so why can’t I? I’m so angry with myself. It’s child’s choice, child’s life. I should just be happy.
Child got into a great school by any measure (well in the top 10) but I just had that dream (I know I know-I want to slap myself too). Child worked so incredibly hard with the same dream in mind. Maxed out at the number of APs allowed at smallish private school and got straight As plus 2 800s and 3 780s on AP Subject tests, one of which child self studied for, 1580 SAT and 36 ACTLeadership positions, ECs, charity work blah blah. Varsity athlete but not enough for recruiting.
Child initially was gung ho about a particular Ivy for which they had well above average grades according to the school’s naviance reports ( I know-no guarantees). Then senior year came and child suddenly changed their mind and no amount of gentle persuading would budge them. “Why would I risk apply to a school with a 10 % acceptance rate (not nationally but per Naviance for their school) when I could apply to an excellent one with much higher acceptance rated?”

What’s making it harder still is that quite a few of child’s classmates who did take the risk got into Ivies- some top Ivies There were of course the off-the-charts bright kids who would get in anywhere +/- legacy and the athletes but a few “surprises” too. Smart but not overly, no hooks that we know off. That made harder. I just know child stood a good change based on the outcomes so far. I also know that deep down when child heard of the surprises they wondered if they should have thrown their hat in too. Child talked about possibly transferring after first year.
Plus it’s more than bragging rights. I really believe it would have been a wonderful culmination of all child’s hard work and sleepless nights. I feel sad for them.
Anyway all that by way of background. I just need to move one. I even find myself crying in secret sometimes. Foolish foolish foolish woman! Get over yourself already!

Get over yourself! I know people with high SAT scores and perfect subject tests and with national titles got rejected by Harvard and MIT this fall. We get it, you are proud of your kid. Getting into college shouldn’t be a goal in life! Google to see how many successful people actually say that getting into their college is the reason they are successful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: I am puzzled by your ignorance about college education in the US.

The non-Ivy top ten schools like MIT, Stanford, Duke, and U of Chicago can provide better education and are as (or more) difficult to get in than some of the Ivies. I went to MIT and my sister attended Stanford - and we never even applied to an Ivy because both of us thought that these schools were a better fit for us. Luckily, we had parents who trusted us and cared about quality education!

How is MIT or Stanford less than ivy? This is bragging.

It is not. OP mentioned that their kid got into a top ten school. My point is that the non-Ivy top ten schools are as good as the Ivies. So I have no idea what OP is fretting over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: I am puzzled by your ignorance about college education in the US.

The non-Ivy top ten schools like MIT, Stanford, Duke, and U of Chicago can provide better education and are as (or more) difficult to get in than some of the Ivies. I went to MIT and my sister attended Stanford - and we never even applied to an Ivy because both of us thought that these schools were a better fit for us. Luckily, we had parents who trusted us and cared about quality education!

How is MIT or Stanford less than ivy? This is bragging.

It is not. OP mentioned that their kid got into a top ten school. My point is that the non-Ivy top ten schools are as good as the Ivies. So I have no idea what OP is fretting over.

I will choose MIT over Harvard/Yale at a heart beat!!

[Anonymous]

Obviously it isn't rational so what's it really about? Did you yourself want to go to an Ivy but not get to? Is it just that you envisioned yourself saying "Sabrina's at Yale!"

To feel this upset about something that's so irrational means it's more about something internal to you--only you know what.

[Anonymous]

It could also mean that OP is a privileged person with no thiujj thoughts of anything other than herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child applied ED to a great school-top 10. Had the grades for an Ivy but, given the low acceptance rates, child decided to aim slightly lower. My belief is that ED is for your dream school and I encouraged child to apply to the ivy but child said they’d rather go for a really good school with a (albeit slightly) higher chance of getting in. They’re in now. I’m happy for them but I can’t rid myself of the disappointment though I haven’t shown it.
I know it’s not about me, child is happy with their choice, they will be fine.
Slap me out of this funk. If anyone can do it, DCUM can. It’s open season on the OP!

Go!

Only half of the ivys are top 10

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My child applied ED to a great school-top 10. Had the grades for an Ivy but, given the low acceptance rates, child decided to aim slightly lower. My belief is that ED is for your dream school and I encouraged child to apply to the ivy but child said they’d rather go for a really good school with a (albeit slightly) higher chance of getting in. They’re in now. I’m happy for them but I can’t rid myself of the disappointment though I haven’t shown it.
I know it’s not about me, child is happy with their choice, they will be fine.
Slap me out of this funk. If anyone can do it, DCUM can. It’s open season on the OP!

Go!

Only half of the ivys are top 10

But they are still Ivys. That is the point. You are either part of the club or you’re not. Nothing in between.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Grad school.
Your child can apply to Ivy League grad schools if they work hard and get teacher recommendations and internships in undergrad.

Not the same. Ivy, to the extent that it’s a thing, is an undergrad thing.