What to do if invited to eat at a dirty house?

[Anonymous]

I have a friend whom I adore, but who has a filthy house. We go over for a holiday dinner every year which she loves to prepare. She has a cat that climbs on the counter, she lets her kids mix stuff with their hands, it's just...dirty.
There is truly no way to get out of it and no way to simply not eat when we get there. One year DH got sick after; one year I did.
Sometimes we knuckle through and it's ok but gross. Like, sometimes even moldy food gross...gagging from the smell of a crudite platter with veggies that were clearly expired.

She is a LOVELY person and I don't want to offend her. Any ideas? She won't go for dining out or anything. This is her special "thing." And it's a sitdown dinner, so we can't do a buffet-style and pretend to pick.

[Anonymous]

Invite her to your house. Politely decline the invitation. Or treat her to a restaurant meal in thanks for her hospitality over the years.

[Anonymous]

Ask what you can bring so there's one thing to your liking.

[Anonymous]

I like the suggestion above. Return her hospitality by hosting or buying her meal this year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask what you can bring so there's one thing to your liking.

No because it is rude to bring one thing and just eat that one thing all night.

[Anonymous]

Your best strategy is to avoid any food that hasn’t been cooked in a hot oven. So another words skip the moldy and cooked vegetable tray, skip any French onion dip etc. instead focus on rolls and even meet assuming that it’s been cooked to a proper temperature. You still may pick up some cat hair but the microbes will all be killed.

The previous posters who suggest that you host next year or take her out to dinner are completely ignoring the fact that you said you can’t do that because your friends dinner is her “thing “

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask what you can bring so there's one thing to your liking.

No because it is rude to bring one thing and just eat that one thing all night.

It's not rude. People may have dietary restrictions and this certainly (the house) certainly counts as one.

[Anonymous]

Accept and call out sick the day of.

or

Eat before you go, and eat sparingly when you get there claiming you have not been feeling off today.

[Anonymous]

Maybe start your own tradition and decline, I wouldn’t go

[Anonymous]

I'm confused as to why you claim there's no way to get out of it. "Thank you so much for inviting us - we won't be able to make it this year, but happy holidays!" Then in early January invite her out for coffee to meet up.

Do that a few years in a row and she'll stop inviting you.

You're an adult now. You don't have to go to people's homes if you don't want to.

[Anonymous]

Cats do walk all over the place, but you can be vigilant about not letting them near the food. There are foods you can mix with clean hands, but they obviously need to be washed thorougly right before you mix, and washed again afterward. Old crudites are generally visibly dry, I've never seen moldy ones.

If you're seeing the cat touching the food or utensils, and the kids or your host not washing her hands before she mixes something, or actual mold on the food, then... I would not eat at her house, period.

[Anonymous]

Any chance that you can claim that you and dh are on a very strict diet (one of you is on doctor’s orders and the other one is showing solidarity), and therefore you must decline an invitation for a meal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask what you can bring so there's one thing to your liking.

No because it is rude to bring one thing and just eat that one thing all night.

It's not rude. People may have dietary restrictions and this certainly (the house) certainly counts as one.

What is rude is policing others' food choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused as to why you claim there's no way to get out of it. "Thank you so much for inviting us - we won't be able to make it this year, but happy holidays!" Then in early January invite her out for coffee to meet up.

Do that a few years in a row and she'll stop inviting you.

You're an adult now. You don't have to go to people's homes if you don't want to.

This times 100.

I really don't understand people who say they cannot decline an invitation. Even when it makes you sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused as to why you claim there's no way to get out of it. "Thank you so much for inviting us - we won't be able to make it this year, but happy holidays!" Then in early January invite her out for coffee to meet up.

Do that a few years in a row and she'll stop inviting you.

You're an adult now. You don't have to go to people's homes if you don't want to.

This times 100.

I really don't understand people who say they cannot decline an invitation. Even when it makes you sick.

But if you're close with someone and then randomly begin to duck them, they will either suggest rescheduling until you're out of excuses or else wonder what the F is up and be hurt. Sounds like a surefire way to set fire to a friendship that seems otherwise fulfilling, minus the dirty abode.