Why can't kids take the bus ?

[Anonymous]

DH here.

My wife has always insisted on driving our kids to school. Last one is a junior in high school. On the days that my wife works it is expected that I will drive my DD to school often ironically behind the school bus that drove past our house that would have picked up my DD to take her to school.

I will admit part of my frustration comes down to values and equal treatment. My DW will look at me and tell me to get over it if I complain about my extended commute or any other frustrating aspect of adult life but we can't teach our kids grit and resilience by taking the bus. My DW does not get that my frustration is about values - how can we teach them the value of the work when Dad is supposed to interrupt work to take them to school behind the very bus that we pay to drive them. I try and tell my wife that we need to raise resilient kids instead we cater to every whim. I realize I sound whiny and perhaps self indulgent but heck I took two city buses to school and two home.


And I'm not the only one - there's a cop directing traffic at the school drop off zone as no one takes the bus ?

I don't get it but I don't think as parents we are helping.

[Anonymous]

So make them take the bus when your wife is working.

[Anonymous]

I had great talks with my dad when he'd drive me to school. He taught me more about periods than my mom ever did. He gave me work advice. I listened to music I liked.

I arrived at school calm and confident.

Hopefully my dad appreciated the time he spent with me also.

[Anonymous]

I think they should take the bus.
We don’t get the bus but our kid has a very long walk. We got into a bad habit of driving when kid had a lengthy cold that turned into bronchitis and pneumonia and she was exhausted for months, which then rolled into snow season and no sidewalks in our neighborhood, and then it suddenly had been 6 months of driving her.

[Anonymous]

Your wife has control issues.

The kids will be fine.

[Anonymous]

The bus is safer than driving them to school yourself. (Unless your kid has a long and dangerous walk to the bus stop or something.)

[Anonymous]

You are an equal partner in your marriage and so you get to decide what you will or won't do. Unless your wife is a controlling tyrant, she doesn't get to tell you that you will drive your daughter to school. She is welcome to driver her herself if she wishes to and you are more than welcome to say that you won't be driving her as you need to get to work.

I think an adult taking time off work to drive a teen behind the bus is ridiculous. Don't argue with your wife about it. Just state what you will be doing. Let your daughter know. Find out the info with her that she will need to take the bus and then wish her well. If your wife wishes to rearrange her work schedule to drive her, that is her choice. You aren't going to convince your wife at this point to encourage resilience or independence so don't make it about values or that. Just state your decision about your own actions.

[Anonymous]

The school bus or the city bus? If school bus, your wife is crazy and you shouldn’t defer to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had great talks with my dad when he'd drive me to school. He taught me more about periods than my mom ever did. He gave me work advice. I listened to music I liked.

I arrived at school calm and confident.

Hopefully my dad appreciated the time he spent with me also.

OP here. Thank you for this as I do realize it is about my perspective and that with a different perspective I would be enjoying our time together. Part of it is my 16 old DD and our level of engagement as she is playing on her phone with eardbuds in while I drive which further increaes my frustration. Perhaps the new deal is if you want me to drive you we have to engage, i.e. no phone and earbuds.

I am glad that you enjoyed your time with your Dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So make them take the bus when your wife is working.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The school bus or the city bus? If school bus, your wife is crazy and you shouldn’t defer to her.

Why does that matter?

[Anonymous]

Your youngest is a Junior in high school. You lost this battle five or ten years ago. Yes, your wife is ridiculous, but unless you can build a time machine you need to let it go!

[Anonymous]

Kids CAN (and do) take the bus (school bus or public bus). Your kids don't, because your wife thinks that you and your wife should drive them, and you have (so far) gone along with this.

[Anonymous]

Of course they can take the bus.

[Anonymous]

I am fine with driving my kids to school. I did not find the school bus particularly safe, the driver particularly reliable or punctual, the kids particularly well-mannered and the extra 20-30 minutes to get to the bus-stop and wait particularly good use of time. My kids take the bus back home as we are the first drop off in the evening.