Angry Wife & ADD/ADHD Husband

[Anonymous]

I've posted twice before:

"Angry Wife & Emotionaless Husband"

and

"Angry Wife posting again"

Anyway, thanks to everyone here, things have gotten better. My husband refused to go to the doctor to check out ADD/ADHD (even though he was willing to go to the doctor to check out memory loss issues and those were ruled out) but he has done a lot of research himself and started self-medicating with espresso/caffeine. It has helped a lot and our marriage and his relationship with the kids has improved.

But over Thanksgiving, he started saying things that are very out of character for him that do not make sense, are false, and seem bizarre. He is an intelligent person who is very successful at work but seems to be making no sense.

Here are a few examples:

"All national parks allow you to take your pets everywhere" (when we were talking about visiting a national park for vacation -- we have been to many national parks together and know we couldn't take in our dog)
"All national parks let you camp there" (again, I know he has been to many national parks)
"Only the poor and rich should go to college because they can afford it, but the middle class shouldn't because they can't afford it." (when we were talking about college, and we are middle class and want our kids to go to college)
"You need to make more money in your first year out of college than the cost of the all the years of college or college doesn't make sense" (DH works in the non-profit/government world and definitely does not believe this nor did he do it.)

There are many more examples but they are a little bit harder to explain because I am not sure if they were innocent mistakes -- like starting to go down a 1-way street the wrong way or telling me that he was going back to the hotel (and implying that he was leaving me and the kids behind like he forgot we needed a ride, too) or saying that he is giving up red meat (for environmental reasons) and then ordering soup with "tendon" at a Vietnamese restaurant and saying that he forgot that it was red meat.

I love my husband and thankfully none of these things are making me angry, but I truly feel like I am with someone with dementia. And, remember, memory loss has been ruled out with a neurologist. Something is wrong here.

He did experiment with drugs when he was younger, so I was wondering if this is a side effect. Or is this just the ADD/ADHD again, and the caffeine isn't helping anymore? Or is this from the stress of visiting family and thanksgiving?

[Anonymous]

Those statements don’t sound like they are related to ADHD at all to me...

[Anonymous]

He sounds irritable and disagreeable, rather than demented.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds irritable and disagreeable, rather than demented.

He’s trying to aggravate you. Just ignore or laugh.

Meanwhile, hang out more with same people and friends and not him.

[Anonymous]

Sane

[Anonymous]

Op. Yes, I think you are all right. Okay, these are not making me angry (just worried) but maybe I should be angry. He is so passive aggressive!

[Anonymous]

I remember one of your previous threads.
When he makes these ridiculous, do you try to correct him or argue with him?
I still think he’s trying get a rise out of you. When he says something completely untrue, just say ‘ok yeah’ and move on. He may stop doing this if he sees you aren’t reacting to it.

[Anonymous]

Caffeine can cause irritability. This may be the side effect of the caffeine. You have to take the bad with the good. Try not to engage. Great that things are going better for you.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like 80% of men over the age of 60. Watching fox news, complaining about millennials, contrarian, and "everyone else is dumb for doing x,y,z" but then he does a,b,c very analogous to x,y,z but doesn't self-reflect the hyprocracy of his earlier statements. he might just have hit this phase early.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like my ex. He also hates dealing with any kind of paperwork; is clueless as to what impact his words or actions might have; misplaces almost everything; gets easily overwhelmed if an argument is more than about 2 steps, etc.
I think it is adhd. My mom says it might be early signs of senile issues of some sort.

[Anonymous]

OP last time.

Honestly my relationship is so much better since I had a place to vent with DCUM. Thank you. I will try the "Ok, yeah" idea. I have been using the "You are really me" reaction (just gut reaction) but I am pretty sure he does this flippantly and if he gets a rise from me, he gets some pleasure out it, so it will be "okay, yeah."

DH does not have any irritability. He is almost stoic so not worried about the caffeine.

[Anonymous]

Are you part of the Airport Party community, by chance?

[Anonymous]

"All national parks allow you to take your pets everywhere" (when we were talking about visiting a national park for vacation -- we have been to many national parks together and know we couldn't take in our dog)
"All national parks let you camp there" (again, I know he has been to many national parks)
"Only the poor and rich should go to college because they can afford it, but the middle class shouldn't because they can't afford it." (when we were talking about college, and we are middle class and want our kids to go to college)
"You need to make more money in your first year out of college than the cost of the all the years of college or college doesn't make sense" (DH works in the non-profit/government world and definitely does not believe this nor did he do it.)

He sounds like an IDIOT! What a tool!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP last time.

Honestly my relationship is so much better since I had a place to vent with DCUM. Thank you. I will try the "Ok, yeah" idea. I have been using the "You are really me" reaction (just gut reaction) but I am pretty sure he does this flippantly and if he gets a rise from me, he gets some pleasure out it, so it will be "okay, yeah."

DH does not have any irritability. He is almost stoic so not worried about the caffeine.

he sounds like he has aspergers.

[Anonymous]

Or that he is an imbecilic tool.