DH giving me silent treatment for so long that I’m losing interest in him
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Anonymous
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Has this happened to anyone else? DH started giving me silent treatment on and off after we got married; it used to cause me great distress and I would try extra hard to get him starting talking again; he would threaten to leave me and I would cry and beg him not too; I think he enjoyed the attention; now it’s been more than four years of marriage and DH still will do silent treatment and when I ask him if anything is wrong he will say “nothing” and just avoid eye contact; he is super nice and eye contact with kids and others but not with me; it used to make me angry seeing him on his phone first thing in the morning and not saying a word to me, going to work and saying goodbye to everyone but me; (I will still say “do I get a goodbye” joining and he will mumble one); over time it seems like he blocks out what I say to him (eg I will say I took the dog on a walk, and an hour later he will ask “did anyone take the dog on a walk” and I will get annoyed that I just told him an hour ago); it is like the silent treatment PLUS blocking me out.
At a dinner party last week another couple said they loved me and my energy; he didn’t say anything; when we got home he just said “wow they love you, you certainly have them fooled!” I have gone above and beyond being a nice wife - making dinners, planning date nights, hosting family and friends, and he rarely says anything nice to me about what I am doing. I have found my own happiness by lowering my expectations —- but this silent treatment now - instead of previously causing me to beg “what’s wrong why aren’t you talking to me I love you” etc is making me lose interest in my husband. I find it a real turn off - especially since I ask him what is wrong and he just says nothing. Has anyone been in this situation with any advice? |
Anonymous
| What you're describing sounds way worse than losing interest. |
Anonymous
| For starters stop giving him a reaction. That's exactly what he wants, and you keep falling for it. Try to work on your self esteem, I would never BEG someone to stay with me. Next time he threatens divorce tell him you were thinking the same thing, and you plan to see an attorney. I would ignore his silent treatments, but I would tell him in a firm voice if he continues to belittle you, threaten you, or go radio silent instead of communicating like adults you do plan to move on. Don't say anymore, and go about your business. If he won't change I would divorce his ass. He's a psychological abuser. |
Anonymous
| Leave. |
Anonymous
Yes to all of this. I wouldn’t continue to live my life like this or model this type of behavior to my children. You both need counseling to make this marriage work. |
Anonymous
This ^. He has completely checked out. To me, through his actions, he doesn't care about or love you, and in fact, it seems he is harboring some deep resentment. Did something happen between the two of you? Even if he were a little angry at something, behavior like this is so utterly not normal so there may have been something quite big (at least big in his mind) that turned him down this dark path. No matter what, his behavior is just ridiculous. You deserve some answers and if he's not willing to share, you need to plan you exit or live through a lifetime of hell. - happily married father of 3 |
Anonymous
| You do know that this is a form of blatant manipulation, right? I would sit him down and say "dear husband if you want to let me know about what is bothering you, I'll be perfectly willing to communicate, talk, fight, negotiate with you. But if you keep giving me the silent treatment, I'm out." This is not something that will fix itself unless you insist on getting treated better by him. |
Anonymous
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I was raised by a mother who gave silent treatments and I went through this exact cycle you are describing. I stopped caring. About her or her silent treatments. I am pretty well estranged from her as an adult and hardly think about her. Feel totally disconnected from her. It's way for the other person to try to control you. And then one day, you stop caring and they have zero control at all. Hardly the outcome they are looking for, but that's what happens.
Do you have kids? I think you can tell him what you're experiencing when you're not in the middle of one of the silent treatments. Tell him that you're losing your feelings for him and if he continues, you see your relationship headed nowhere good. Go to a therapist together. If you don't address this, your relationship WILL be dead. You might stay married to the guy, but it will be a dead relationship. |
Anonymous
| Wow. Time to go. |
Anonymous
| This is abusive, OP. |
Anonymous
| Remind us why you're married to him? |
Anonymous
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This is emotional abuse. But to answer your question, no I do not have experience with this. I would probably give the silent treatment back until it’s been months since we talked or had sex and are on the road to divorce.
Why do you love someone who hates you so much? Was your father absent when you were a child? |
Anonymous
| Do you both ever try to actually communicate? It's clear to me, at least based on the description you offer, that your husband absolutely doesn't love you. I'd have difficulty staying married to someone who expresses loathing for me ("you sure have them fooled" wow.) |
Anonymous
| Uh... your husband is emotionally abusive, he has basically told you he hates you, and you worry that you're losing interest? |
Anonymous
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I hate to tell you this OP, but your husband loathes you.
That comment about the people loving you & you having them fooled, is his way of showing you how much he despises you. He's being extremly passive aggressive and is hoping that you'll get fed up and leave him first. Is it possibile he's been having an affair? |