DH giving me silent treatment for so long that I’m losing interest in him

[Anonymous]

OP are you a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - thanks all. I’ve been faithful and if anything “too generous” as a wife my friends tell me I spoil my husband. I don’t know what I’m not telling : my DH acts sporadically, hot and cold, gets angry about what seems like nothing, I am on eggshells a lot of the time; I’m pretty sure he may have wandered at some point but no proof. It’s just not the best place to be but for reasons of stability I’m in this now - I loved him despite all the bad behavior but the silent treatment is back firing / instead of making me want him to talk I’m just kind of feeling like “go away!”

OP this is undeniably abusive behavior. You have to leave him.

[Anonymous]

He’s being abusive, OP. He will not change. Stop being extra nice to him or cajoling him.

He said you had people fooled because they thought you were nice. What specifically are his grievances against you? What, true or not, does he accuse you of?

Consult a divorce lawyer. Then decide if you want to give him a last chance to go to couples counseling. But it sounds like this is his deeply-ingrained mode of interacting with you, and it may be that this is just who he is.

[Anonymous]

Consult a divorce lawyer and get prepared. You are approaching the point of being ready to go. Have things in order before hand.

[Anonymous]

Op I'm so sorry. This does sound like emotional abuse. The silent treatment is a classic example of it.

I would stop doing things for him. Just stop doing the laundry or picking things up for him at the shops, just stop. If he wants to treat you with such contempt then I really couldn't be bothered taking care of someone like that.

After 3 years, I would think that things are not going to change. I would consider divorce. No one should have this in their life - if it keeps going your self esteem will be shot.

[Anonymous]

I would keep doing all you are doing, while working towards being prepared for separating. Then when he threatens leaving, calmly agree.

[Anonymous]

OP I was married to someone like this for ten years. He definitely enjoyed me tiptoeing around him, I think it made him feel powerful. I remember him saying "I wish people could see you for the kind of person you really are."

I finally left him. He was stunned. I'm now with a good, kind man who is so appreciative of me. He regularly reminds me that my ex screwed up. There's a better life out there, whether it's alone or with a new partner.

[Anonymous]

This is called stonewalling and no wonder you’re ready to be done with him. Google Gottman’s 4 horsemen (of the apocalypse aka divorce). Stonewalling is abuse and detrimental to relationships.

[Anonymous]

OP please keep us posted on your divorce journey.

[Anonymous]

Op he doesn’t even like you. Why are you putting up with this?

[Anonymous]

Why are you staying with him? Reasons of stability make no sense if there is no emotional stability. Do you rely on him for money? If so, that’s the first thing that needs to change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What you're describing sounds way worse than losing interest.

Op his stonewalling and silence is not healthy or sane for you.

Is he this passive aggressive or Aspie in all aspects of his lie? Why is he so angry? Stressful job? Doesn’t like having adult responsibilities?

I’m so sorry OP. I think you need individual therapy to sort out your goals here and then perhaps plan an exit. Would you want your sister or best friend to stay in this situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For starters stop giving him a reaction. That's exactly what he wants, and you keep falling for it. Try to work on your self esteem, I would never BEG someone to stay with me. Next time he threatens divorce tell him you were thinking the same thing, and you plan to see an attorney. I would ignore his silent treatments, but I would tell him in a firm voice if he continues to belittle you, threaten you, or go radio silent instead of communicating like adults you do plan to move on. Don't say anymore, and go about your business. If he won't change I would divorce his ass. He's a psychological abuser.

Agree. I assume he doesn’t communicate with you in family or house or life matters either so he really is just emotionally abusing you. See a therapist, get stronger and plan a strategic exit.

Is he an On the ball father or just plays around with the kids and dumps the real stuff in you?

What was the role of his father and mother back in the day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:he is abusing you.

He also has some real mental and personality disorders. Bipolar, borderline, narcissistic, lack of empathy (inability).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leave.

Yes you need to get out. He's a control freak and an ass.