Neighbor with guns
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Anonymous
| Our neighbor has guns. There are constant offers for my DC to come over there but I'm not comfortable with that. Do I tell my tween DC why they can't go over to play or just keep saying no? My concern is that they'll start saying, "No, my mom doesn't want me to come over because you have guns." Or do I just tell the parent why I don't want my DC over there? |
Anonymous
| Just tell the parent. |
Anonymous
|
A few questions :
1. Are the guns kept out, unlocked , and loaded? 2. Is the ammo accessible? 3. How did you learn that they have guns? Is your neighbor police/military? If DC and neighbors kids are good friends, I’d have a talk with the parent. Then go with my gut. Btw, how do you know your Neigbor has guns? |
Anonymous
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Other people may have guns in their house that you don't know about. Your neighbor's kids could take a gun out of the house. Even if you keep your children from visiting the neighbors (which may indeed be advisable), it doesn't ensure they won't encounter guns.
I'd definitely tell your child so they know what the actual problem is and how you wish them to react if they ever encounter a gun. I always told my child to leave the immediate area and tell the "grown up in charge" (parent, teacher, babysitter, etc.), about the gun. You might want your children to do something else, but you need to decide what that is and give your child a procedure they can use, just in case. As for telling the other parent, I think that depends on their personality and the overall relationship you have with them. Guns tend to be a sensitive subject and parenting choices are even more sensitive. However you approach the situation, could result in tension. Whichever way you decide to go, just be courteous and respectful with them and hopefully, they'll return the favor. |
Anonymous
Yes, tell them you don’t want them over because of the guns. While you’re at it also ask them about how they secure prescription drugs, alcohol, and any dangerous other weapons that they might have in the house. /s If your convictions are no guns then you really should just go out and say it. What are you afraid of? |
Anonymous
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I don't care if adults have guns -- my concern is my kid being around them. This kid in particular does things that just make you scratch your head and wonder why, or before you have a chance to say, "And btw don't touch X,Y or Z" they've already touched it, broken it or eaten it. No common sense and no sense of responsibility. If I say, leave the room if you see a gun, they won't do it. They may say, "I was just LOOKING at it, and THEN i was going to leave the room like you said!" etc.
The neighbor is retired military. They told me about the guns. I'm just wondering how much I should say to my neighbor and to my kid about why we're not taking them up on their offers for my DC to come over. |
Anonymous
| If they’re military they shouldn’t mind a frank discussion about safety and Storage. |
Anonymous
| Tell both your DC and the neighbor. Thank you for your invitation, but we have a family rule that DC cannot go to a house with guns. You are welcome to come here. |
Anonymous
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I own a gun OP and you would never know.
Its locked in a safe in our bedroom at all times. I would talk to the neighbors and your kid about being safe and then let kid go over there unless you have a reason to believe they leave them laying around. |
Anonymous
Agree to this. Ask them if they have a gun safe and trigger locks and are all guns secured? Most of the homes your child goes to play at probably have guns unknown to you. The problem is many times they are not locked and secured. |
Anonymous
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There are so many retired military in DC MD VA that
having guns in the home is pretty common. My guess is your child has played at many homes with guns. Having a conversation with the parents about whether the guns are secured and locked is ok. As important is to have conversations with your child. |
Anonymous
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It has come to my attention recently that a lot more people have guns than I would expected.
I suppose I ask how stored and if I don’t think the parents are morons I allow my kids to go. |
Anonymous
| We also own guns and unless someone was making assumptions you wouldn't know. |
Anonymous
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First, you owe no one's feelings a duty when it comes to your child's safety.
Second, at least in this context, when all else fails, the last thing standing between your child and a potential disaster is their ability to remember and follow pre-incident safety training. You suggested your child may need some work in this regard. Third, teach your child as others have suggested: "If you see a gun, STOP; DON'T TOUCH; LEAVE THE AREA; TELL AN ADULT. Fourth, teach your child the (adapted) rules of firearm safety: 1. [All guns are real, even if somebody says they aren't and even if they don't look real.] 2. All guns are always loaded. All the time. Always. 3. Never point a gun at anything you are not willing to destroy. 4. Keep your finger off the trigger until you are ready to fire. 5. Be sure of your target, and what's beyond it. 6. Anybody with a gun who doesn't follow these rules is a danger to your life. People differ on when children should be exposed to guns. Some families have a hunting or recreational tradition, and start early, with supervision. This can be fine, but one must be mindful of the risk that "familiarity breeds contempt." People who handle guns regularly can become careless. (So can people who have no familiarity with guns.). Children especially are at risk of over-confidence. "I know how to shoot." If you can't talk to your neighbor about this, you probably don't know them well enough to count on them to take care of your child anyway. PP's are correct that a military person should have an above average level of security and safety training, but you can't count on that alone. It doesn't have to be an adversarial cross examination. Ask them what kind of shooting they like. Where do they do it? Do they involve their kids? How? "That's interesting." Then you can get into the harder stuff: "So I guess you must have a pretty nice safe?" "How do you make sure the kids can't get to the guns unsupervised?" And a very important question: "How do you like to store your 'house/home defense/carry' gun(s)?" There was a time when lots of people kept guns in the closet or a display cabinet or in a bedside table. The kids were told to leave them alone and they did. There was less cinematic misuse of guns and many if not most kids had at least some idea of the destructive power of a gun in real life. Those days are gone. There is a reason people have to be of age to buy a gun. So have the conversation, or bite the bullet and say that it's nothing personal but you'd rather the kids just play at your house where you can keep an eye on your sometimes impulsive/risk prone child. But absolutely teach your child the "get away" and safety rules above. As PP's have observed, there may be other circumstances in which your child could come into contact with a gun. |
Anonymous
+1 Military and former military aren’t the gun nuts who lose their sh!t if you ask about gun safety. |