staying in touch while kid is in college

[Anonymous]

How do you do it?

[Anonymous]

My DD is an only and we text a couple time a week (mom here). Mostly she complains and I encourage. Also she is a freshman and she texts me when she needs extra $ for tutoring or to buy something.

I do sort of ensure that she face-times her Dad once a week. We set that up as an expectation. He keeps the conversations short -- 15 min or so. Just a 'check-in'.

[Anonymous]

Face time with freshman son every other week or so. He initiated the call and they are usually Sat or Sunday am.

My son and I exchange links of things we find interesting most days via Twitter messages. Occasionally I squeeze a question about how things are going in there. Get an answer about 3/4 of time.

[Anonymous]

Long phone call over the weekend and occasional text,

[Anonymous]

We initiate a weekly video chat or call. We set that as an expectation at the beginning. We'll text her first to see what time works for her.

She also texts or calls when she needs something.

We'll send a random text to show her something, but get a reply only 50% of the time.

[Anonymous]

We have a long phone call every Sunday. (She picks the time which is different each week, depending upon her schedule.) Texts are possible throughout the week, but they have gotten less frequent (she is a sophomore).

I highly encourage families to set up an expectation in advance. You won't worry or have hurt feelings. Obviously, they should set the time and frequency, but for our family having a shared expectation in advance worked well.

[Anonymous]

Txt during week. Sunday video chat.

[Anonymous]

Well: what sort of example have you set with how frequently you keep in touch with your parents?

You should set an expectation of what is acceptable: Once a week? Twice a week? Some sort of daily check-in? Which I don't think is crazy in our current world with texting.

[Anonymous]

Mine hasn't been able to talk for two weeks. I am worried and sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well: what sort of example have you set with how frequently you keep in touch with your parents?

You should set an expectation of what is acceptable: Once a week? Twice a week? Some sort of daily check-in? Which I don't think is crazy in our current world with texting.

I think there is a different expectation re teenage/early 20’s, financially dependent kids vs 80-year old parents.

FWIW, I call my parents once a week. I expect the same from my college aged kids.

[Anonymous]

I also talked my DC through the fact that we are both adjusting to this change. Her Dad and I still love her and want to care from her, but understand she will be very busy. She remains part of the family though, and owes us a connection / some insight into how she is doing.

(I also secretly think she likes having someone familiar and trusted to talk to, to share her insecurities and excitement). It is actually cool to see them grow and mature, even from afar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Txt during week. Sunday video chat.

Same...we let him decide on the time, but usually Sunday evening.

[Anonymous]

To the parent who is sad and worried...perhaps it is not too late to set communication expectations?

I think parents can have needs also, not just kids. Be honest with your child about how it feels to be you when there is only radio silence for weeks at a time. If you are honest, and they don't change their behavior, they are being selfish. That is not developmentally unusual for a teen, but I think it is a sign of maturity when they are able to take other people's feelings into account. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I've been pleasantly surprised by how much my freshman student has communicated with his younger brother (HS sophomore), usually texting every other day.

The younger one sometimes shares something his brother said. Those comments are far more candid than what we get.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been pleasantly surprised by how much my freshman student has communicated with his younger brother (HS sophomore), usually texting every other day.

The younger one sometimes shares something his brother said. Those comments are far more candid than what we get.