Poll about parents and in laws & money

[Anonymous]

1. Do they babysit at all for your kids? How many times a year?
2. How many times do you visit them a year?
3. How many times do they visit you a year?
4. If you fly.. Who pays for their plane tickets if they visit you?
5. If you fly.. Who pays for your plane ticket if you visit them?
6. Who general pays if you eat out or do an outing?
7. Do you borrow money from your parents?
8. Do they borrow money from you or do you assist in any of their month to month expenses?
9. Do you have savings benchmarked to care for your parents as they age?
10. Do you plan to take your parents or in laws in as they are aging if they are in a position they can no longer live alone and have your discussed with spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Do they babysit at all for your kids? How many times a year? Yes, 1-2 nights a year
2. How many times do you visit them a year? 2
3. How many times do they visit you a year? 2-3
4. If you fly.. Who pays for their plane tickets if they visit you? us
5. If you fly.. Who pays for your plane ticket if you visit them? us
6. Who general pays if you eat out or do an outing? us
7. Do you borrow money from your parents? no
8. Do they borrow money from you or do you assist in any of their month to month expenses? no
9. Do you have savings benchmarked to care for your parents as they age? yes
10. Do you plan to take your parents or in laws in as they are aging if they are in a position they can no longer live alone and have your discussed with spouse? no but assist w costs yes

[Anonymous]

My mom (Dad is deceased)

1. Do they babysit at all for your kids? How many times a year?

No

2. How many times do you visit them a year?

Usually, we visit once a year for Thanksgiving. This year, we can't travel as a family to medical issues with one of our kids. So, I'll go see her in January, either by myself or possibly with one of my kids.

3. How many times do they visit you a year?

Once a year, close to or on Mother's Day.

4. If you fly.. Who pays for their plane tickets if they visit you?

She pays for her own plane ticket.

5. If you fly.. Who pays for your plane ticket if you visit them?

We pay for our own plane tickets.

6. Who general pays if you eat out or do an outing?

Usually, she takes us out to a restaurant for Tgiving, and we take her out for Mother's Day.

7. Do you borrow money from your parents?

I haven't so far. My mom has given us Christmas gifts of $ for the kids' 529, and pays for music lessons for one of my kids. There isn't an expectation that this $ will be repaid.

8. Do they borrow money from you or do you assist in any of their month to month expenses?

No

9. Do you have savings benchmarked to care for your parents as they age?

No

10. Do you plan to take your parents or in laws in as they are aging if they are in a position they can no longer live alone and have your discussed with spouse?

That is not the plan, and certainly wouldn't be our first choice.


DH's Dad (his mom is deceased)

1. Do they babysit at all for your kids? How many times a year?

Right now it's a lot. Before my child became sick, it was probably once every couple weeks. Since my kid became sick, my other kids have spent many weeks at his house, and when we're all home, he does a lot of things like staying with sick kid so we can do something with the other kids, or taking other somewhere if we can't go. He has also spent the night with sick kid in the hospital, and been through extensive training to be able to care for sick kid by himself.

2. How many times do you visit them a year?

Usually once a week.

3. How many times do they visit you a year?

Right now, a couple times a week.

4. If you fly.. Who pays for their plane tickets if they visit you?

We live a few miles apart. So, there are no planes involved.

5. If you fly.. Who pays for your plane ticket if you visit them?

See above.

6. Who general pays if you eat out or do an outing?

We don't do a lot of going out and outings are usually things like the kids' games, which are free.

When there is something like a meal out, then whoever invited pays. If he's babysitting and takes the kids somewhere he pays.

7. Do you borrow money from your parents?

We haven't had to, but if we did I know he'd be generous.

8. Do they borrow money from you or do you assist in any of their month to month expenses?

No

9. Do you have savings benchmarked to care for your parents as they age?

No

10. Do you plan to take your parents or in laws in as they are aging if they are in a position they can no longer live alone and have your discussed with spouse?

I wouldn't hesitate to do this. It's the norm in DH's family, and we'd be happy to have him.

DH's Grandfather (because he's an important part of the family!)

1. Do they babysit at all for your kids? How many times a year?

Is our regular after school babysitter, 5 days a week. We pay him for this.

2. How many times do you visit them a year?

He lives with DH's Dad (above). We go over there for dinner every Sunday.

3. How many times do they visit you a year?

He's at our house 5 days a week.

4. If you fly.. Who pays for their plane tickets if they visit you?

N/A

5. If you fly.. Who pays for your plane ticket if you visit them?

N/A

6. Who general pays if you eat out or do an outing?

We do, unless DH's Dad is there, then he might.

7. Do you borrow money from your parents?

No, he is on a fixed income.

8. Do they borrow money from you or do you assist in any of their month to month expenses?

The money we pay him helps with his month to month expenses, but it's definitely earned!

9. Do you have savings benchmarked to care for your parents as they age?

No

10. Do you plan to take your parents or in laws in as they are aging if they are in a position they can no longer live alone and have your discussed with spouse?

My guess is that he'll live with his son (DH's Dad) for the rest of his life, but if somehow that stopped working, we'd be happy to have him.

[Anonymous]

1. Do they babysit at all for your kids? How many times a year? twice a year
2. How many times do you visit them a year? four to six times a year
3. How many times do they visit you a year? four to six times a year
4. If you fly.. Who pays for their plane tickets if they visit you? they do
5. If you fly.. Who pays for your plane ticket if you visit them? we do (or my company does)
6. Who general pays if you eat out or do an outing? we do when we're here; they do when we're there
7. Do you borrow money from your parents? never
8. Do they borrow money from you or do you assist in any of their month to month expenses? never
9. Do you have savings benchmarked to care for your parents as they age? no (not needed)
10. Do you plan to take your parents or in laws in as they are aging if they are in a position they can no longer live alone and have your discussed with spouse? No

[Anonymous]

1. Do they babysit at all for your kids? How many times a year? In laws, not often. My parents live locally and they babysit often.
2. How many times do you visit them a year? My parents live locally. In laws, we visit once a year.
3. How many times do they visit you a year? My parents - n/a. In laws, more often we see them 2 or 3x a years closer to us, but still a 3-4 drive. I have 2 BILs / SILs who live near each other and between them they have 5 kids. Easier for us to all go to them. I don’t have room for everyone, plus DH doesn’t get along with his parents that well.
4. If you fly.. Who pays for their plane tickets if they visit you? They pay
5. If you fly.. Who pays for your plane ticket if you visit them? We pay
6. Who general pays if you eat out or do an outing? Usually our parents or ILs but sometimes we take turns.
7. Do you borrow money from your parents? No
8. Do they borrow money from you or do you assist in any of their month to month expenses? No
9. Do you have savings benchmarked to care for your parents as they age? No
10. Do you plan to take your parents or in laws in as they are aging if they are in a position they can no longer live alone and have your discussed with spouse? My parents live near us and my spouse knows we will help them when they are older (they help us so much now). DH’s parents don’t live near us and I really don’t know what his or his brothers’ plans are. I don’t think my husband wants them moving in with us either way.

[Anonymous]

1. Do they babysit at all for your kids? How many times a year? Mine - 3-4/year. His- none.

2. How many times do you visit them a year? 2-3 times.

3. How many times do they visit you a year? Mine - 6-8/year. His- 1-2.

4. If you fly.. Who pays for their plane tickets if they visit you? Us

5. If you fly.. Who pays for your plane ticket if you visit them? Us

6. Who general pays if you eat out or do an outing? Mine - split. His - us

7. Do you borrow money from your parents? No. Never.

8. Do they borrow money from you or do you assist in any of their month to month expenses? Mine - no. His - yes.

9. Do you have savings benchmarked to care for your parents as they age? Kind of. I know it is coming.

10. Do you plan to take your parents or in laws in as they are aging if they are in a position they can no longer live alone and have your discussed with spouse? Mine - no. His - yes.

The crazy thing is that mine had way less $ and I grew up with far less.

[Anonymous]

Too long of a poll

[Anonymous]

My parents have died, DH’s live about 500 miles away, are retired and have plenty of money.

1. Do they babysit at all for your kids? How many times a year? Never
2. How many times do you visit them a year? Once or twice a year
3. How many times do they visit you a year? Once in a lifetime
4. If you fly.. Who pays for their plane tickets if they visit you? We always drive
5. If you fly.. Who pays for your plane ticket if you visit them? n/a
6. Who general pays if you eat out or do an outing? It’s usually pick up your own family’s check, occasionally we pay all (never reciprocated)
7. Do you borrow money from your parents? No
8. Do they borrow money from you or do you assist in any of their month to month expenses? No
9. Do you have savings benchmarked to care for your parents as they age? No
10. Do you plan to take your parents or in laws in as they are aging if they are in a position they can no longer live alone and have your discussed with spouse? No

[Anonymous]

1. Do they babysit at all for your kids? How many times a year? Inlaws never. Parents weekly
2. How many times do you visit them a year? We visit inlaws 6x a year, travel to my parents once, but they live near us half the year
3. How many times do they visit you a year? Inlaws visit once, parents live near us 6months
4. If you fly.. Who pays for their plane tickets if they visit you? Them
5. If you fly.. Who pays for your plane ticket if you visit them? Us
6. Who general pays if you eat out or do an outing? We each pay our own way
7. Do you borrow money from your parents? Never
8. Do they borrow money from you or do you assist in any of their month to month expenses? Never- they are both richer
9. Do you have savings benchmarked to care for your parents as they age? Never!
10. Do you plan to take your parents or in laws in as they are aging if they are in a position they can no longer live alone and have your discussed with spouse? No. We both work, how could we care for someone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom (Dad is deceased)

1. Do they babysit at all for your kids? How many times a year?

No

2. How many times do you visit them a year?

Usually, we visit once a year for Thanksgiving. This year, we can't travel as a family to medical issues with one of our kids. So, I'll go see her in January, either by myself or possibly with one of my kids.

3. How many times do they visit you a year?

Once a year, close to or on Mother's Day.

4. If you fly.. Who pays for their plane tickets if they visit you?

She pays for her own plane ticket.

5. If you fly.. Who pays for your plane ticket if you visit them?

We pay for our own plane tickets.

6. Who general pays if you eat out or do an outing?

Usually, she takes us out to a restaurant for Tgiving, and we take her out for Mother's Day.

7. Do you borrow money from your parents?

I haven't so far. My mom has given us Christmas gifts of $ for the kids' 529, and pays for music lessons for one of my kids. There isn't an expectation that this $ will be repaid.

8. Do they borrow money from you or do you assist in any of their month to month expenses?

No

9. Do you have savings benchmarked to care for your parents as they age?

No

10. Do you plan to take your parents or in laws in as they are aging if they are in a position they can no longer live alone and have your discussed with spouse?

That is not the plan, and certainly wouldn't be our first choice.


DH's Dad (his mom is deceased)

1. Do they babysit at all for your kids? How many times a year?

Right now it's a lot. Before my child became sick, it was probably once every couple weeks. Since my kid became sick, my other kids have spent many weeks at his house, and when we're all home, he does a lot of things like staying with sick kid so we can do something with the other kids, or taking other somewhere if we can't go. He has also spent the night with sick kid in the hospital, and been through extensive training to be able to care for sick kid by himself.

2. How many times do you visit them a year?

Usually once a week.

3. How many times do they visit you a year?

Right now, a couple times a week.

4. If you fly.. Who pays for their plane tickets if they visit you?

We live a few miles apart. So, there are no planes involved.

5. If you fly.. Who pays for your plane ticket if you visit them?

See above.

6. Who general pays if you eat out or do an outing?

We don't do a lot of going out and outings are usually things like the kids' games, which are free.

When there is something like a meal out, then whoever invited pays. If he's babysitting and takes the kids somewhere he pays.

7. Do you borrow money from your parents?

We haven't had to, but if we did I know he'd be generous.

8. Do they borrow money from you or do you assist in any of their month to month expenses?

No

9. Do you have savings benchmarked to care for your parents as they age?

No

10. Do you plan to take your parents or in laws in as they are aging if they are in a position they can no longer live alone and have your discussed with spouse?

I wouldn't hesitate to do this. It's the norm in DH's family, and we'd be happy to have him.

DH's Grandfather (because he's an important part of the family!)

1. Do they babysit at all for your kids? How many times a year?

Is our regular after school babysitter, 5 days a week. We pay him for this.

2. How many times do you visit them a year?

He lives with DH's Dad (above). We go over there for dinner every Sunday.

3. How many times do they visit you a year?

He's at our house 5 days a week.

4. If you fly.. Who pays for their plane tickets if they visit you?

N/A

5. If you fly.. Who pays for your plane ticket if you visit them?

N/A

6. Who general pays if you eat out or do an outing?

We do, unless DH's Dad is there, then he might.

7. Do you borrow money from your parents?

No, he is on a fixed income.

8. Do they borrow money from you or do you assist in any of their month to month expenses?

The money we pay him helps with his month to month expenses, but it's definitely earned!

9. Do you have savings benchmarked to care for your parents as they age?

No

10. Do you plan to take your parents or in laws in as they are aging if they are in a position they can no longer live alone and have your discussed with spouse?

My guess is that he'll live with his son (DH's Dad) for the rest of his life, but if somehow that stopped working, we'd be happy to have him.

I love this post. Dad and grandpa FTW!

[Anonymous]

1. Do they babysit at all for your kids? How many times a year? 1 time a week

2. How many times do you visit them a year? Before moving closer, 4-5 times a year

3. How many times do they visit you a year? Once

4. If you fly.. Who pays for their plane tickets if they visit you? They drove

5. If you fly.. Who pays for your plane ticket if you visit them? We drove

6. Who general pays if you eat out or do an outing? Us

7. Do you borrow money from your parents? No, never have

8. Do they borrow money from you or do you assist in any of their month to month expenses? Oddly, yes, but only once. They got stuck with bad timing in a real estate transactions and an international vacation, so I lent them about $50k.

9. Do you have savings benchmarked to care for your parents as they age? No. They have done their own planning and I am aware of the details of their financials.

10. Do you plan to take your parents or in laws in as they are aging if they are in a position they can no longer live alone and have your discussed with spouse? Yes. However, my parents have purchased a house in our neighborhood that they have renovated for one floor living and are currently renting out, so I don’t know if they will need to move in with us. If they do, we already renovated our first floor suite to be accessible.

[Anonymous]

My inlaws (my mom is deceased and dad lives out of town.)

Anonymous wrote:1. Do they babysit at all for your kids? How many times a year? Maybe 4? Grudgingly.
2. How many times do you visit them a year? they are local so we see them 1-2x a month
3. How many times do they visit you a year? See above
4. If you fly.. Who pays for their plane tickets if they visit you? When they lived out of town, they paid
5. If you fly.. Who pays for your plane ticket if you visit them? We did
6. Who general pays if you eat out or do an outing? Dutch, to the penny at FIL’s request
7. Do you borrow money from your parents? No, but in a true emergency they would, not just for convenience
8. Do they borrow money from you or do you assist in any of their month to month expenses? No they are wealthy
9. Do you have savings benchmarked to care for your parents as they age? No they are wealthy
10. Do you plan to take your parents or in laws in as they are aging if they are in a position they can no longer live alone and have your discussed with spouse? Yes we have discussed and no one will be living with us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Do they babysit at all for your kids? How many times a year? My parents- once. ILs- never.
2. How many times do you visit them a year? My parents- once. ILs- never.
3. How many times do they visit you a year? My parents- 2-3x. ILs- once.
4. If you fly.. Who pays for their plane tickets if they visit you? They do
5. If you fly.. Who pays for your plane ticket if you visit them? We do
6. Who general pays if you eat out or do an outing? We generally take turns. Ends up close to 50/50.
7. Do you borrow money from your parents? Never
8. Do they borrow money from you or do you assist in any of their month to month expenses? Never
9. Do you have savings benchmarked to care for your parents as they age? No
10. Do you plan to take your parents or in laws in as they are aging if they are in a position they can no longer live alone and have your discussed with spouse? Only if absolutely necessary. It will more likely be a sibling, if this is needed- due to proximity. We live across the country from our families and have multiple siblings who live nearby.

[Anonymous]

1. Do they babysit at all for your kids? How many times a year?

No
2. How many times do you visit them a year?

We are local
3. How many times do they visit you a year?

See above
4. If you fly.. Who pays for their plane tickets if they visit you?

When we used to live further we payed for my mom. Dhs parents paid for themselves
5. If you fly.. Who pays for your plane ticket if you visit them?

Me myself and i
6. Who general pays if you eat out or do an outing?
Split

7. Do you borrow money from your parents?

No
8. Do they borrow money from you or do you assist in any of their month to month expenses?

At times
9. Do you have savings benchmarked to care for your parents as they age?

Kind of
10. Do you plan to take your parents or in laws in as they are aging if they are in a position they can no longer live alone and have your discussed with spouse?

Hell no but we will provide expenses

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Do they babysit at all for your kids? How many times a year?
2. How many times do you visit them a year?
3. How many times do they visit you a year?
4. If you fly.. Who pays for their plane tickets if they visit you?
5. If you fly.. Who pays for your plane ticket if you visit them?
6. Who general pays if you eat out or do an outing?
7. Do you borrow money from your parents?
8. Do they borrow money from you or do you assist in any of their month to month expenses?
9. Do you have savings benchmarked to care for your parents as they age?
10. Do you plan to take your parents or in laws in as they are aging if they are in a position they can no longer live alone and have your discussed with spouse?

1) no and 0
2) 3-4
3) 1-2
4) I pay when I fly
5) They pay when they fly
6) 50-50
7) once - when we bought another house before we sold our first one. They did the bridge loan. We paid them interest.
8) no
9) My Dad lived with us the last 9 months of his life. DH’s Mom was in a facilities for dementia. The other two died first.