Awkwardness, acne, adolecence
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Anonymous
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I go between laughing, ignoring, and agonizing over the depth of my 12 year old DD's current awkward phase. It's so painful - zits, grease, friend wars, trying to figure out who she is and who she wants to be, really awful fashion choices. I am trying so hard to just be positive, loving background noise, not interfering but setting a positive example, but dear god, she is a hot mess. Parents who have these put together 12 year olds, how do you do it. What is the secret? Good genes? Organic diets?
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Anonymous
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1. I bought my daughter and I silk pillowcases.
2. I got her to be very good about washing her face each night. 3. I made sure she had friends from different walks of life. 4. I pointed out to her how awkwardly other girls her age stood (as if they've just discovered they have arms and don't know where to put them or what to do with them) so she didn't feel alone 5. I did fun things with her every few days (go for a walk, get Starbucks - nothing big) so she'd be able to get out without having to overthink how she looked or what she said. 6. I allowed her to try every face wash she wanted, and get any coverup she wanted. |
Anonymous
The secret is you have to tell her to do things bc kid just don’t “know” . Acne - step in and help establish a routine. If it’s really bad, help her out on some light foundation. I was honest with my DD and that walking around with a face full of acne is not a good look. If necessary go to a derm for help. Shower every night. Wash hair every other night. No wearing the same outfit more than once a week. Match clothing. If they don’t know how to put an outfit together help with that too. Rotate shoes to let them air out and make sure she knows how to match her shoes to her outfit |
Anonymous
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There's another post that raises similar questions. I think that so long as she's made it clear that she wants to look put together, it's okay for the parent to intervene and point out where things are going wrong while offering constructive solutions. But if she's just a late bloomer and doesn't really notice or care about her appearance and image, then maybe it's best to let her be for now.
I have a teen boy and I recently purchased a bunch of grooming items for him at Marshall's. I think that everything set me back about $25. I got him one of those tools to remove blackheads, some charcoal nose strips, a few different sample sizes of facial moisturizers and face cleansers, two different types of face scrubbers, a nail clipper set and a nail file, a "nature" scented body lotion, and a pumice stone for his feet so that he can remove the outer layer of skin and keep them from getting all funky. I still haven't managed to get him to understand that hair product can be a good thing but I'm working on it. I've demonstrated to him how you use all these things. I try to get him to go shopping at least once a month and anytime he brings it up himself I'll go out of my way to make it happen. If I see a hairstyle or outfit that I think he'd like I'll try to save it to show him. Most of the time he rejects it but sometimes he seems to appreciate it and we'll talk about what he likes about the outfit. He does sports practice 4 days a week so he already knows about deodorant and daily showering. He started to smell after his friends did so he was able to appreciate how gross body odor is on someone else, which I think made him more willing to do whatever it takes to not have BO. |
Anonymous
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Seeing that I'm 49 and have started getting acne again due to perimenopause--it's been easy for me with my MS boys. They see that I have the same issue and are interested in what I do to keep it under control. They both readily adopted a skin routine because they can't stand zits---but they are going through pimple patches like mad.
I never comment other then to tell them not to touch their face or to make sure they wash their face immediately after working out. I add---that I always breakout If I don't wash my face right after working out. |
Anonymous
Oh-- for them--over the counter stuff has been managing it fairly well. I buy them Neutrogena acne wash, a toner, a topical benzoyl peroxide and pimple patches. They are on their own after I showed them what to do and readily do it. The younger one showers before bed at night and I did have to tell him he needs to wash his face every morning because I saw he wasn't routinely doing that and it made a big difference. |
Anonymous
| Kids that age don't really listen to "background noise." I found that being a stronger presence while making sure our DD knew that we loved her no matter what was really what she wanted. I suppose we didn't have the acne issues so much, but the trying to figure out who you are/friend wars, that is where our DD really needed help--and she accepted it when she sensed that I was trying to understand her and help her blossom versus impose a set idea of who she should be on her. |
Anonymous
I would have her wash her hair every night---especially with increased oils during puberty...and wash those pillowcases frequently. My boys have always washed their hair daily and so do I since I exercise to the point of sweating daily. |
Anonymous
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How do I get DD (14) to stop picking her acne? She already is seeing a dermatologist but the picking defeats any medicine or cleaning regime she has. Do take her to an aesthetician? Threaten to take away her phone?
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Anonymous
Could it be anxiety? |
Anonymous
No idea. This was me. Maybe treat any anxiety she may be having. Punishing her in any way for self soothing behavior will only cause her shame and won't help her to stop picking. Please don't punish her. |
Anonymous
Every time you catch her doing it, slap her hand away. |
Anonymous
What have you already tried? |
Anonymous
My kid will be 12 in a couple weeks. She certainly isn’t ”put together” but she has nice skin, and decent outfits. She likes me to help pick out her clothes so I do. As for her skin, yeah, I do buy lots of organic but not exclusively. Also, she avoids dairy bc it upsets her stomach so maybe that helps? I think genetics helps. Neither husband nor I had awful skin. But who knows, she is still young so there is plenty of time. I encourage her to shower and wash her face with a gentle cleanser before bed. |
Anonymous
Don't do this. Again, this will add to her shame and anxiety that cause her to do this. |