People with adult children
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Anonymous
| What’s it like being the parent of adult children? Wondering what it’s like if you have a large family... is it impossible to get everyone together? Does everyone get along? It it too costly to travel and visit everyone? Did everyone stay close or move far away? |
Anonymous
1. It's LOVELY. The kids and I are friends now. I don't ever have to punish, don't have to be such a great role model, don't ever have to nag. 2. No, it's not impossible to get everyone together. Happens several times a year. 3. Yes, everyone gets along. They have squabbles, but they love the shit out of each other and always get over it. 4. No, it's not too costly to visit or travel. 5. The two oldest went to college on the opposite coast. One has stayed. One traveled around Europe for a year and then came back and now lives about 20 minutes away. |
Anonymous
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I am an adult child and I know my family dynamic.
We all live in different states and rarely coordinate visits. We managed to all make it to a graduation this year and that was a miracle. My two older brothers don't talk, one doesn't want to be in the room with the other. My younger brother makes an attempt but doesn't like my older brothers and their kids drive him crazy, all adults now. I am the only one who talks to everyone. My Mother and Father are not happy with the dynamic and my Mom wonders where she went wrong. |
Anonymous
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My family and my in-laws all have great family dynamics. Everyone gets along.
In laws are spread around and getting everyone together is hard. Does not even happen annually, but we do see family often, just not all at once. They all get along very well and there is an extremely strong sense of family. My family gets together more frequently. I’m no local but visit home often. They aren’t all in the same city. . I speak or text with my bothers and dad at least every few days. We have had some difficult situations over the past decade (divorce, illness, death) that forced us all to circle the wagon, so to speak, and brought us all much closer than we were previously. Although we were always close, it’s different now. |
Anonymous
Other than the occasional high-schooler trolling th eBoomers, every single person on DCUM is an adult child. This is not some sort of special credential. |
Anonymous
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I am an adult child with two brothers. We all get along really well even though I did not get along with my brother growing up. We all have children very close in age which is nice. Our problem is we all live all over the place. Parents live in CT, we live in DC, one lives in IL, the other is military and currently in TX but moves every 2-3 years. This makes getting together very challenging. Since both parents are retired they visit all of us usually 2 times or
More per year. It is very rare that we are all together and usually takes a lot of coordination but this year we did manage to rent a beach house and take a family vacation together which I think we will try every couple of years. A couple things hinder get together otherwise: 1) space. As a family of 5 we got in our house nicely (the house we grew up in). But now with everyone married and 2 kids we are 15!! So it gets tough for anyone to host and flight plus hotel really adds up. 2) time. My parents are the ones who travel to us as they have the luxury of time. My siblings and or their spouses have demanding jobs and not a ton of vacation. Between vacations they take for themselves and visiting in laws it is easy to run out of time. I sometimes don’t see a brother for over a year for this reason. But my parents see all of us at our own places. |
Anonymous
Ha this is true. I’m not the poster but the one just below who said this. It was more to clarify I am not a parent of adult children. But obviously it is redundant given it is clear by post alone. |
Anonymous
| I am an adult with living parents, not an adult child. |
Anonymous
I guess I felt the need to share that I was not the parent but the sibling and I can still talk to my family dynamics. |
Anonymous
Until your children turn 18 or 21, then you’ll learn they’re actually called adult children. (def CHILD: “A son or daughter of any age”) |
Anonymous
Notwithstanding the fact that OP didn't ask you. Thanks for sharing, though. |
Anonymous
our kids are 29, 25, and 22. still bank-rolling their lives. it's like having a dental procedure that never ends. 
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Anonymous
NP here. Good for you for acknowledging how "less than perfect" the family dynamics really are. It is tough, because the IL's get together out of obligation - which takes away from limited vacation time and limited time, in general. I would want my kids to spend time with me because they actually enjoy it. |
Anonymous
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I don't have adult children, but I am an adult from a large family. Why do you just want the parent perspective?
As a member of my family, we make an effort to get together in a central location for holidays. It usually works, although sometimes only 3 out of 4 of us can make it. Sometimes we'll get together with just one other family, or take a vacation just me and my sister's family. I think this is a pretty normal dynamic. We are close, and try to spend time with our parents all together or in groups when we can. |
Anonymous
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Most of your questions are really going vary widely from family to family, and the answers given here might not end up being YOUR experience at all.
For example, the one that asks if it's too expensive to visit everyone...My neighbor whose kids all live in Northern VA would tell you "No, it only costs about $3 in gas." Someone who lives at poverty level but has a child stationed on a military base in S. Korea would tell you they will never be able to afford visiting their child. |