People with adult children

[Anonymous]

I have an adult child who lives in CA-I have not been out there, as I also have 2 minor dc in school and it's not easy to get away. DC has been here though.

I have another adult DC on the East Coast.

With adult work schedules and still having kids in school, it's near impossible to get everyone together at traditional times like the holidays. But we managed a random week in summer last year!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't have adult children, but I am an adult from a large family. Why do you just want the parent perspective?

As a member of my family, we make an effort to get together in a central location for holidays. It usually works, although sometimes only 3 out of 4 of us can make it. Sometimes we'll get together with just one other family, or take a vacation just me and my sister's family. I think this is a pretty normal dynamic. We are close, and try to spend time with our parents all together or in groups when we can.

OP: trying to decide how many kids to have and if we should keep going

[Anonymous]

You can’t predict your future based on other people’s family dynamics.

[Anonymous]

OP: I read an article that said most people limit the # of kids they have because they only think about the hard years (young kids) but that having a lot of adult children is great, so wondering if that is true. Or if it’s more of a pain to have to travel and get together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:our kids are 29, 25, and 22. still bank-rolling their lives. it's like having a dental procedure that never ends.

Haha. What do you think contributed to being 3 for 3 on failure to launch?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: I read an article that said most people limit the # of kids they have because they only think about the hard years (young kids) but that having a lot of adult children is great, so wondering if that is true. Or if it’s more of a pain to have to travel and get together.

My friends from large families say there are just too many of them and that there is usually conflict going on between at least two of the siblings. Would imagine that if everyone gets along, it would be great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s it like being the parent of adult children? Wondering what it’s like if you have a large family... is it impossible to get everyone together? Does everyone get along? It it too costly to travel and visit everyone? Did everyone stay close or move far away?

I love it! I have 4 kids, all grown, and all but 1 are within an hour’s drive. It’s tough to get everyone together because my son works in the Midwest, but he flies out every Christmas for a week. Everyone gets along, but my 3 daughters are closer as a group than they are with their brother, partly because of distance but mostly because of personality. My DH and I fly to visit our son at least once a year. I call all the kids on Sunday to chat.

The best part is our large extended family. I grew up as one of 4 kids, and it was just my parents, my sibs & me. Now, my kids have lots of aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents on both my DH’s and my side. We’re a raucous and crazy bunch, which is how we like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an adult child and I know my family dynamic.

We all live in different states and rarely coordinate visits. We managed to all make it to a graduation this year and that was a miracle.

My two older brothers don't talk, one doesn't want to be in the room with the other. My younger brother makes an attempt but doesn't like my older brothers and their kids drive him crazy, all adults now.

I am the only one who talks to everyone.

My Mother and Father are not happy with the dynamic and my Mom wonders where she went wrong.

Other than the occasional high-schooler trolling th eBoomers, every single person on DCUM is an adult child. This is not some sort of special credential.

I guess I felt the need to share that I was not the parent but the sibling and I can still talk to my family dynamics.

Notwithstanding the fact that OP didn't ask you. Thanks for sharing, though.

You seem horrible.

[Anonymous]

We’re all together at least twice a year, more if there’s a family event (wedding, funeral) that year. I pay to rent a big house on the beach each summer. Most of us can drive to it. I help with plane tickets some years. Best week of the year!

We also do a Christmas celebration even if it’s not actually on Christmas Day. We work with everyone’s schedules and other obligations.

Because of a wedding and funeral this year, we were also together in March and May as well.

[Anonymous]

I see my parents several times per year. Is that your question? They live in NY and we live in Virginia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have adult children, but I am an adult from a large family. Why do you just want the parent perspective?

As a member of my family, we make an effort to get together in a central location for holidays. It usually works, although sometimes only 3 out of 4 of us can make it. Sometimes we'll get together with just one other family, or take a vacation just me and my sister's family. I think this is a pretty normal dynamic. We are close, and try to spend time with our parents all together or in groups when we can.

OP: trying to decide how many kids to have and if we should keep going

If you have to ask on a discussion forum I would say that means you should stop now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:our kids are 29, 25, and 22. still bank-rolling their lives. it's like having a dental procedure that never ends.

Haha. What do you think contributed to being 3 for 3 on failure to launch?

Awful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:our kids are 29, 25, and 22. still bank-rolling their lives. it's like having a dental procedure that never ends.

Haha. What do you think contributed to being 3 for 3 on failure to launch?

Parents should stop subsidizing unless they are in grad school.

I plan to cut kids off as soon as they graduate from college. I will pay for grad school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:our kids are 29, 25, and 22. still bank-rolling their lives. it's like having a dental procedure that never ends.

Haha. What do you think contributed to being 3 for 3 on failure to launch?

probably failure to cut the cords on our part... but, seriously, 2 are still in school (phd and md programs), the oldest one got his phd and doing his postdoc work so we are still happy to help him out here and there. it's not causing us financial stress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:our kids are 29, 25, and 22. still bank-rolling their lives. it's like having a dental procedure that never ends.

Haha. What do you think contributed to being 3 for 3 on failure to launch?

probably failure to cut the cords on our part... but, seriously, 2 are still in school (phd and md programs), the oldest one got his phd and doing his postdoc work so we are still happy to help him out here and there. it's not causing us financial stress.

PhDs are fully funded. My sibling and I were both financially independent from the time we started our PhDs. I worked during grad school, not bc I had to but to make things financially easier for myself (afford trips, etc.).