Therapy and Lawyer Needs

[Anonymous]

Recently found out about spouse’s affair. Still trying to get the whole truth out, but let’s leave that part alone for now. What I need help with is finding a therapist for myself who has experience working with betrayed spouses. And I need help finding a divorce lawyer for an initial consultation. I’m in Montgomery county and work in DC - would go to therapist/lawyer in either location. Any suggestions or advice on how and where to look?

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

If you're just at initial consultation stage, consider using your employer's Employee Assistance Program if you have access to one. You'd get a free consult and possibly discounted fees if you use hire the person you meet with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're just at initial consultation stage, consider using your employer's Employee Assistance Program if you have access to one. You'd get a free consult and possibly discounted fees if you use hire the person you meet with.

I assume that’s for therapist, not for lawyer? Or do EAP’s have lawyer programs too?

[Anonymous]

OP where are you? Do you prefer a male or female? Psychology Today has good information and names and numbers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP where are you? Do you prefer a male or female? Psychology Today has good information and names and numbers.

I’m in MoCo work in DC. Not sure if I prefer male or female. I’m male BTW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're just at initial consultation stage, consider using your employer's Employee Assistance Program if you have access to one. You'd get a free consult and possibly discounted fees if you use hire the person you meet with.

I assume that’s for therapist, not for lawyer? Or do EAP’s have lawyer programs too?

PP here. I meant lawyer. EAPs can do both, but I think you'd get mileage out of even meeting a lawyer who's just okay while you might be pickier about a therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Recently found out about spouse’s affair. Still trying to get the whole truth out, but let’s leave that part alone for now. What I need help with is finding a therapist for myself who has experience working with betrayed spouses. And I need help finding a divorce lawyer for an initial consultation. I’m in Montgomery county and work in DC - would go to therapist/lawyer in either location. Any suggestions or advice on how and where to look?

Thanks!

For attorney I would highly recommend Howard Soypher in Bethesda. He is excellent. 301.298.4801. Please, please, please go see him. If you decide to divorce, use him. If you decide to reconcile, use him to draft a post-nuptial agreement. If your spouse will really never cheat again, she will have no problem signing it. Please do this. I caught my husband cheating, we went to therapy and after a year I thought our marriage was better then ever only to find out 10 years later, he never stopped cheating. Therapy made him better at hiding it. How I wish I had gotten a post nuptual. Would have saved a lot of agony and money in the divorce. In terms of a therapist, chose carefully. If the therapist frames the cheating as being your fault in any way shape or form, run like hell. You may have contributed to a lot of dysfunction in your marriage but you were in no way responsible for the choice your spouse made to lead a double life. Check out this blog, it will save your sanity: chumplady.com esp about "still trying to get the whole truth". That's a game you don't want to play and will never, ever win. Sorry you are going through all this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Recently found out about spouse’s affair. Still trying to get the whole truth out, but let’s leave that part alone for now. What I need help with is finding a therapist for myself who has experience working with betrayed spouses. And I need help finding a divorce lawyer for an initial consultation. I’m in Montgomery county and work in DC - would go to therapist/lawyer in either location. Any suggestions or advice on how and where to look?

Thanks!

For attorney I would highly recommend Howard Soypher in Bethesda. He is excellent. 301.298.4801. Please, please, please go see him. If you decide to divorce, use him. If you decide to reconcile, use him to draft a post-nuptial agreement. If your spouse will really never cheat again, she will have no problem signing it. Please do this. I caught my husband cheating, we went to therapy and after a year I thought our marriage was better then ever only to find out 10 years later, he never stopped cheating. Therapy made him better at hiding it. How I wish I had gotten a post nuptual. Would have saved a lot of agony and money in the divorce. In terms of a therapist, chose carefully. If the therapist frames the cheating as being your fault in any way shape or form, run like hell. You may have contributed to a lot of dysfunction in your marriage but you were in no way responsible for the choice your spouse made to lead a double life. Check out this blog, it will save your sanity: chumplady.com esp about "still trying to get the whole truth". That's a game you don't want to play and will never, ever win. Sorry you are going through all this.

Just called Soypher. He charges for initial consult at normal hourly rate. Is that normal?

Yes this “getting to the whole truth” thing is super hard. I’m taking a pretty hard line that I need it to happen quickly or I’m not tryin got reconcile. Right now I don’t trust I’m being told the truth, and I’m taking steps to get it all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Recently found out about spouse’s affair. Still trying to get the whole truth out, but let’s leave that part alone for now. What I need help with is finding a therapist for myself who has experience working with betrayed spouses. And I need help finding a divorce lawyer for an initial consultation. I’m in Montgomery county and work in DC - would go to therapist/lawyer in either location. Any suggestions or advice on how and where to look?

Thanks!

For attorney I would highly recommend Howard Soypher in Bethesda. He is excellent. 301.298.4801. Please, please, please go see him. If you decide to divorce, use him. If you decide to reconcile, use him to draft a post-nuptial agreement. If your spouse will really never cheat again, she will have no problem signing it. Please do this. I caught my husband cheating, we went to therapy and after a year I thought our marriage was better then ever only to find out 10 years later, he never stopped cheating. Therapy made him better at hiding it. How I wish I had gotten a post nuptual. Would have saved a lot of agony and money in the divorce. In terms of a therapist, chose carefully. If the therapist frames the cheating as being your fault in any way shape or form, run like hell. You may have contributed to a lot of dysfunction in your marriage but you were in no way responsible for the choice your spouse made to lead a double life. Check out this blog, it will save your sanity: chumplady.com esp about "still trying to get the whole truth". That's a game you don't want to play and will never, ever win. Sorry you are going through all this.

Just called Soypher. He charges for initial consult at normal hourly rate. Is that normal?

Yes this “getting to the whole truth” thing is super hard. I’m taking a pretty hard line that I need it to happen quickly or I’m not tryin got reconcile. Right now I don’t trust I’m being told the truth, and I’m taking steps to get it all.

Yes, it's normal to charge for consult. He charges a bit more then some others you may call but less then many. I can assure you will save money working with him over using someone cheaper. My ex husband used someone cheaper and spent literally triple what I spent because Howard is no BS and doesn't waste your time with BS. He is to the point and got me way more then the courts would have given me in my divorce. Sadly, now that people know I'm divorced, I get asked who to use on a regular basis. I have referred several other people to him (2 of them left their previous attorneys and switched to him) and they report the same experience I had with him.

[Anonymous]

OP: and how do people find therapists? I don’t know anyone IRL to ask for a recommendation.

[Anonymous]

As pp also noted, read the chump lady website. It will open your eyes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: and how do people find therapists? I don’t know anyone IRL to ask for a recommendation.

I think people mostly find them through word of mouth.

I saw Claire Engers in Kensington years ago and found her to be very practical and helpful.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/claire-j-engers-kensington-md/46952

Often, a therapist will agree to an initial phone consultation to discuss what you are looking for and enable you to try to determine if there is a "fit." You could start with this list:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/infidelity/md/bethesda

[Anonymous]

Kentlands psychotherapy

[Anonymous]

This is why I regularly consult with divorce attorneys. I want a full range of choices if DW files, and I want to close off her options.

[Anonymous]

1. Michelle Lockard for a lawyer. http://lockardlaw.com/

2. Do not, under any circumstances, got to marriage counseling.

3. If for some reason you do decide to go to counseling, do not go to Sarah Hedlund.