Therapy and Lawyer Needs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Michelle Lockard for a lawyer. http://lockardlaw.com/

2. Do not, under any circumstances, got to marriage counseling.

3. If for some reason you do decide to go to counseling, do not go to Sarah Hedlund.

I plan individual counseling, but what is your beef with marriage counseling?

[Anonymous]

I plan individual counseling, but what is your beef with marriage counseling?

Do you really want to sit there and get blamed for your significant having sex with someone else? If no, then don't go to counseling because that's what's going to happen. They are going to make what happen as a good thing so you can see the holes in your marriage. If you're a guy then you will just be chastised for having a typical male ego. Nothing will be in your favor.

Cut your losses and find someone else that will not waste your life. Would you rather spend six months finding happiness or trying to making a miserable situation into a tolerable one? Yes, that's potentially how long your will be sitting there discussing how both sides are to blame.

It's up to you though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're just at initial consultation stage, consider using your employer's Employee Assistance Program if you have access to one. You'd get a free consult and possibly discounted fees if you use hire the person you meet with.

I assume that’s for therapist, not for lawyer? Or do EAP’s have lawyer programs too?

EAPS do offer lawyers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Recently found out about spouse’s affair. Still trying to get the whole truth out, but let’s leave that part alone for now. What I need help with is finding a therapist for myself who has experience working with betrayed spouses. And I need help finding a divorce lawyer for an initial consultation. I’m in Montgomery county and work in DC - would go to therapist/lawyer in either location. Any suggestions or advice on how and where to look?

Thanks!

For attorney I would highly recommend Howard Soypher in Bethesda. He is excellent. 301.298.4801. Please, please, please go see him. If you decide to divorce, use him. If you decide to reconcile, use him to draft a post-nuptial agreement. If your spouse will really never cheat again, she will have no problem signing it. Please do this. I caught my husband cheating, we went to therapy and after a year I thought our marriage was better then ever only to find out 10 years later, he never stopped cheating. Therapy made him better at hiding it. How I wish I had gotten a post nuptual. Would have saved a lot of agony and money in the divorce. In terms of a therapist, chose carefully. If the therapist frames the cheating as being your fault in any way shape or form, run like hell. You may have contributed to a lot of dysfunction in your marriage but you were in no way responsible for the choice your spouse made to lead a double life. Check out this blog, it will save your sanity: chumplady.com esp about "still trying to get the whole truth". That's a game you don't want to play and will never, ever win. Sorry you are going through all this.

I don’t know this attorney but ITA with the rest. No marriage counseling - individual only. Post-nup favorable to you. He tells you the whole truth and answers any Qs you have and provides complete transparency on all devices at all times. Chumplady.

Be prepared to walk if he continues provides anything less than full transparency, honesty and remorse immediately.

You have a life. Don’t waste any time on him if he can’t take responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Attorney - Liz Selmo at Feldesman Tucker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I plan individual counseling, but what is your beef with marriage counseling?

Do you really want to sit there and get blamed for your significant having sex with someone else? If no, then don't go to counseling because that's what's going to happen. They are going to make what happen as a good thing so you can see the holes in your marriage. If you're a guy then you will just be chastised for having a typical male ego. Nothing will be in your favor.

Cut your losses and find someone else that will not waste your life. Would you rather spend six months finding happiness or trying to making a miserable situation into a tolerable one? Yes, that's potentially how long your will be sitting there discussing how both sides are to blame.

It's up to you though.

Np. The marriage counselors client is the relationship and they will do and say whatever to maintain the relationship. It is really crazy making and further abuse especially if you're leaving a narcissist. Our marriage counselor really pushed dates and sex and completely discounted a lot of the abuse (because this is best for the marriage? Idk). Eventually she stopped seeing us because I couldn't be physical with violent ex. Which was my fault and my block in her eyes.

[Anonymous]

Np. The marriage counselors client is the relationship and they will do and say whatever to maintain the relationship. It is really crazy making and further abuse especially if you're leaving a narcissist. Our marriage counselor really pushed dates and sex and completely discounted a lot of the abuse (because this is best for the marriage? Idk). Eventually she stopped seeing us because I couldn't be physical with violent ex. Which was my fault and my block in her eyes.

I was told that I couldn't say anything mean about my wife's AP because it made my wife feel bad. Then I was told that I only mention him because I was jealous and needed to talk to my individual counselor to get over it.

[Anonymous]

You people have terrible marriage therapists. Go find one who specializes in betrayal or sex addition, etc. I was cheated on and we went to therapy with a counselor who NEVER made me feel at fault and in fact, quite often put my husband in his place when he acted defensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: and how do people find therapists? I don’t know anyone IRL to ask for a recommendation.

My primary care physician actually recommended some therapists for my marital issues (not marriage counseling, individual). Maybe start there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You people have terrible marriage therapists. Go find one who specializes in betrayal or sex addition, etc. I was cheated on and we went to therapy with a counselor who NEVER made me feel at fault and in fact, quite often put my husband in his place when he acted defensive.

Give a name.

[Anonymous]

Doug Cohen in Georgetown.

Doug's really great; he doesn't let people be evasive or get away with bs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why I regularly consult with divorce attorneys. I want a full range of choices if DW files, and I want to close off her options.

That may work in rinky dink cities but not the Wash DC law market, and family law market is deep and extensive. There are many excellent divorce lawyers. But hey, if you want to spend $500 times 100 to do consults in order to pretend to attempt to block your spouse, go ahead.