Bully quandary

[Anonymous]

10 yr old DS had a bully last year (not physical, but constant taunting and name calling) We got the teacher involved and thought it was solved, and the kid pretended to agree to stop. This year the bully’s friends are now tormenting him and retaliating for their friend. So we are supposed to encourage our kids to let us know if they are being bullied but that only makes it worse for them. My DS says he will never tell again.

[Anonymous]

You still need to go to the school. Only the adults will be able to help.

[Anonymous]

Take it to the school and don’t let up. Kids are sneaky and it will get worse.

[Anonymous]

Document and report EVERY SINGLE instance this happens.
Even if it is multiple times a day.

[Anonymous]

well, your son has a point.

the adults mishandled it and made it worse.

why should he let them mishandle it again?

[Anonymous]

You should get your son out of this situation. Kids are absolutely sneaky, and bullies will smile and shake hands with your kid in the principal's office and then punch them on the way out.

You kid will likely resist any efforts that you make to change things -- I did when I was being physically bullied in middle school. Instead of letting my parents move me to a different school, I worked hard over a period of years to learn to fight and to respond with immediate violence to any perceived threat or insult. That has not served me well as an adult, and I would have been much better off if my parents had moved me to a different school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:10 yr old DS had a bully last year (not physical, but constant taunting and name calling) We got the teacher involved and thought it was solved, and the kid pretended to agree to stop. This year the bully’s friends are now tormenting him and retaliating for their friend. So we are supposed to encourage our kids to let us know if they are being bullied but that only makes it worse for them. My DS says he will never tell again.

Friends had this issue and they had to lawyer up to make it stop. Life is short and your kids should not have to suffer because of these jerks. I don’t believe kids should have to deal with this sort of thing on their own. Get involved and do what you need to do to make it stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should get your son out of this situation. Kids are absolutely sneaky, and bullies will smile and shake hands with your kid in the principal's office and then punch them on the way out.

You kid will likely resist any efforts that you make to change things -- I did when I was being physically bullied in middle school. Instead of letting my parents move me to a different school, I worked hard over a period of years to learn to fight and to respond with immediate violence to any perceived threat or insult. That has not served me well as an adult, and I would have been much better off if my parents had moved me to a different school.

+1

I agree with this. When someone (older children, and especially adults) can't handle their own battles without violence, trouble for them is inevitable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10 yr old DS had a bully last year (not physical, but constant taunting and name calling) We got the teacher involved and thought it was solved, and the kid pretended to agree to stop. This year the bully’s friends are now tormenting him and retaliating for their friend. So we are supposed to encourage our kids to let us know if they are being bullied but that only makes it worse for them. My DS says he will never tell again.

Friends had this issue and they had to lawyer up to make it stop. Life is short and your kids should not have to suffer because of these jerks. I don’t believe kids should have to deal with this sort of thing on their own. Get involved and do what you need to do to make it stop.

+1

Def lawyer up and sue the assailant - then the kid and their parents (!!!) will have to pay up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should get your son out of this situation. Kids are absolutely sneaky, and bullies will smile and shake hands with your kid in the principal's office and then punch them on the way out.

You kid will likely resist any efforts that you make to change things -- I did when I was being physically bullied in middle school. Instead of letting my parents move me to a different school, I worked hard over a period of years to learn to fight and to respond with immediate violence to any perceived threat or insult. That has not served me well as an adult, and I would have been much better off if my parents had moved me to a different school.

+1

I agree with this. When someone (older children, and especially adults) can't handle their own battles without violence, trouble for them is inevitable. [/quote

In case you missed it, the best option here may be a school change and a fresh start for your kid if its possible.

[Anonymous]

I know a mom who is always saying her child is bullied. Now the child has no friends but my kid who goes to another school. I know parents from my friend’s school and they have said that this mom complains a lot and the child complains a lot so many of the parents do not encourage a friendship because this child will get mad and say she is bullied and who needs that. Bullying is a strong word and too many parents use it. At nine years old the most likely thing is kids who lack social skilled -the child who says they are bullied and the bully who doesn’t have the skills to avoid sensitive child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a mom who is always saying her child is bullied. Now the child has no friends but my kid who goes to another school. I know parents from my friend’s school and they have said that this mom complains a lot and the child complains a lot so many of the parents do not encourage a friendship because this child will get mad and say she is bullied and who needs that. Bullying is a strong word and too many parents use it. At nine years old the most likely thing is kids who lack social skilled -the child who says they are bullied and the bully who doesn’t have the skills to avoid sensitive child.

This is how bullying is excused and continues with misguided views like yours. I hope you aren’t a teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a mom who is always saying her child is bullied. Now the child has no friends but my kid who goes to another school. I know parents from my friend’s school and they have said that this mom complains a lot and the child complains a lot so many of the parents do not encourage a friendship because this child will get mad and say she is bullied and who needs that. Bullying is a strong word and too many parents use it. At nine years old the most likely thing is kids who lack social skilled -the child who says they are bullied and the bully who doesn’t have the skills to avoid sensitive child.

This is how bullying is excused and continues with misguided views like yours. I hope you aren’t a teacher.

Np here but this definitely does happen (in addition to actual bullying, of course) and it’s not good for any of the kids involved. Denying that this dynamic sometimes exists contributes to the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a mom who is always saying her child is bullied. Now the child has no friends but my kid who goes to another school. I know parents from my friend’s school and they have said that this mom complains a lot and the child complains a lot so many of the parents do not encourage a friendship because this child will get mad and say she is bullied and who needs that. Bullying is a strong word and too many parents use it. At nine years old the most likely thing is kids who lack social skilled -the child who says they are bullied and the bully who doesn’t have the skills to avoid sensitive child.

This is how bullying is excused and continues with misguided views like yours. I hope you aren’t a teacher.

Np here but this definitely does happen (in addition to actual bullying, of course) and it’s not good for any of the kids involved. Denying that this dynamic sometimes exists contributes to the problem.

Yes, as someone who endured some pretty bad bullying and witnessed some truly horrific things done to other kids, I'm frustrated when kids try to use accusations of bullying to get their way. Bullying is a huge problem, made worse by kids who think (or are taught to think by parents in denial about their kid's issues) that being told "no" by adults or other kids is bullying. Just as kids lie about being bullies, kids lie about being bullied. Basically, kids lie. All the time. It's what they do. This is not something to be angry about, but it's important for people in positions of supervising kids to realize, and it's amazingly rare for teachers or principals to realize how often kids look them directly in the eye and lie to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a mom who is always saying her child is bullied. Now the child has no friends but my kid who goes to another school. I know parents from my friend’s school and they have said that this mom complains a lot and the child complains a lot so many of the parents do not encourage a friendship because this child will get mad and say she is bullied and who needs that. Bullying is a strong word and too many parents use it. At nine years old the most likely thing is kids who lack social skilled -the child who says they are bullied and the bully who doesn’t have the skills to avoid sensitive child.

This is how bullying is excused and continues with misguided views like yours. I hope you aren’t a teacher.

Np here but this definitely does happen (in addition to actual bullying, of course) and it’s not good for any of the kids involved. Denying that this dynamic sometimes exists contributes to the problem.

Yes, as someone who endured some pretty bad bullying and witnessed some truly horrific things done to other kids, I'm frustrated when kids try to use accusations of bullying to get their way. Bullying is a huge problem, made worse by kids who think (or are taught to think by parents in denial about their kid's issues) that being told "no" by adults or other kids is bullying. Just as kids lie about being bullies, kids lie about being bullied. Basically, kids lie. All the time. It's what they do. This is not something to be angry about, but it's important for people in positions of supervising kids to realize, and it's amazingly rare for teachers or principals to realize how often kids look them directly in the eye and lie to them.

Agree. Both things happen. There is currently an instance of this in HS that boils down to friend drama. The "bullied" was clearly social climbing, playing two groups of friend against a third, bragging about how popular she was. Eventually one friend got fed up and told her (on text) she didn't want to spend any more time with her. Now, the bullied is upset, mom is calling mom's of other girls explaining how DD is being bullied trying to get other girls to come to her aid. It's not bullying if people don't like you. Even being dropped from a friend group or excluded from things is not being bullied. But being consistently targeted for ridicule is bullying, and that seems like what the OP has described here.