Did you know you were done at a certain number of kids? Or was it more a financial decision?

[Anonymous]

We currently have 2 kids and are expecting our 3rd. We are on the fence about having a 4th and will need to decide sooner than later due to our ages (36 years old). Did you have a "feeling" and just know you were done having kids? Or was it more a financial decision? We can afford more (decent HHI - $450K) but not sure if it would make sense. Our kids will be 3 and 5 when the new baby comes. I have a super flexible job and work from home but DH works a lot of hours and has a very inflexible job.

Also FWIW our older two are pretty easy going and I haven't found it very difficult dealing with the two of them. They have both been sleeping through the night since 4 months old and are pretty chill kids (with their mix of insanity like any normal toddler thrown in).

[Anonymous]

We were in almost the exact same spot as you and decided to stop after three. If you have a fourth you will be close to 40 which has more risk and you will be in your late 50’s before you become an empty nester and early 60’s before your kids are out of college. I don’t think we really talked about the extra college expense which is now huge as it had more to do with moving forward to a different phase our our lives. I loved having babies and toddlers around but I longed for the day when my husband and I had a Saturday that wasn’t consumed by kids activities. When my youngest was 13 and my husband was 50 he said I can finally take up golf because I can now afford to waste half a day without feeling guilty.

Finally, you haven’t even had your third yet. Do you realize how much more difficult life is with three versus two? With two, spouses can divide and conquer. With three it is not as easy. Everything becomes exponentially more difficult. I loved having three but I’m glad I stopped. If we had had a “surprise” fourth I’m sure we would have survived but.......

[Anonymous]

My daughter has three and a few years ago she talked about wanting four - this being before #3 arrived and #3 is now 15 months old. She may have a fourth but she hasn’t been talking about it! On a cold, rainy day at 8am having to put two kids in car seats and one in a booster to take one of them to pre-school is not a lot of fun.

[Anonymous]

As pp said, you should wait until you are juggling three children before considering a fourth. It’s a whole new ball game!

[Anonymous]

It wasn’t a financial decision. We thought we only wanted one at first, but got cocky about our parenting skills and went for two. We got the reality check we needed not to have more.

We really like to travel and find it easy with two. The more kids my friends have the less likely they are to bother with anything more than road trips. Which is fine, but not what we want.

[Anonymous]

Family of four fits in the log flume at an amusement park. More would be tricky, so we stopped.

[Anonymous]

I never felt done. I have more than you can count on one hand. Stopped because of finances and time. I would always love “just one more”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Family of four fits in the log flume at an amusement park. More would be tricky, so we stopped.

Interesting “test”. Do you particularly love log flumes or what?

[Anonymous]

We are done at 2 because I have serious doubts we are going to make it as a couple and 2 kids is bad enough to put through the divorce life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As pp said, you should wait until you are juggling three children before considering a fourth. It’s a whole new ball game!

You should wait - though - when I was pregnant with #3, 4 seemed like a line we'd never ever cross. 3 was stretching it. Now #3 is here (still a baby) and wonderful and I think about "just one more" way more often than I expected. (DH will never agree, and that's fine for us.) But bottom line, there's no point in thinking about #4 before #3 arrives.

[Anonymous]

I knew I wanted none, and agreed to one. Then we adopted a second (family emergency). I told DH I didn't care what other "emergencies" came up, we were at max capacity and there would be no more.

It had nothing to do with money and everything to do with how little I like children or parenting them.

[Anonymous]

I think you will very rarely find people who make the decision about how many children to have based solely on finances. We could afford significantly more than we have. We have 2. That’s what’s comfortable for my relationship with my husband and for us as a family. I personally feel like there’s only so much emotional energy to go around and with two kids we are maxed on that. YMMV.

[Anonymous]

We really like to travel and find it easy with two. The more kids my friends have the less likely they are to bother with anything more than road trips. Which is fine, but not what we want.

+1. I sometimes wonder about a third, but I appreciate the opportunities that come with two. More time with each kid. More resources. More travel.

[Anonymous]

I felt three was a nice handful and that my body couldn’t handle a fourth pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

Could afford however many. Have 2.

80% of the time I feel like my best self and like I’ve got my shit under control. If we had more kids I think that percentage would go lower and I’m not ok with that.