Did you know you were done at a certain number of kids? Or was it more a financial decision?

[Anonymous]

We could afford another one (or two) but stopped at 2 kids. I would personally just be spread too thin with more than that. I need time to myself and just don't have the emotional energy for more than the 2 I have. Also the whole pregnancy/childbirth/recovery/having a newborn thing is not on my list of fun things I would like to experience again.

[Anonymous]

We have 2 elementary-aged kids. I would love a 3rd, in fact I'm longing for one pretty much every day now that I am in my 40s and the window is closing, however my husband doesn't want one. He is an incredible husband and father, very involved with the kids since birth (would get up in the middle of the night a lot), and he is the breadwinner of the family, so I have to respect his wishes and not push him to do something just for me. Money is not an issue, we could hire help, fund 3 college educations and retire comfortably. The 2 kids we've got are amazing individuals but also the best of siblings to each other, and they keep asking for another sibling, so I know they would be great with a baby. They were easy kids from the get go, so that is exacerbating my broody feelings: I just can't imagine not having one more of those, but of course there are no guarantees, and I think sometimes it's better to enjoy what you have and not get greedy and push your luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps I missed something - but I can't believe that, in three pages, NOT ONE person mentioned environmental considerations.

For such a seemingly educated group of women, I don't quite understand - in light of global pressures that have a high potential to affect this planet into the future - how three or four (or more?!?) can even be a consideration... Seems very, very selfish, IMHO.

Have one... Maybe two? Then. just. stop. already.

https://www.npr.org/2016/08/18/479349760/should-we-be-having-kids-in-the-age-of-climate-change

Yes, you did.
Middle of second page.

I did note that. And corrected myself.

My point still stands.

Time, body, career, finances were the majority reasons offered. Where is the discussion about the impacts of choosing to have so many children - and the impacts on the world that they and their kids will inherit?

Umm...OK. What if one of those 3 or 4 have a large, positive impact on the world? Never know...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We currently have 2 kids and are expecting our 3rd. We are on the fence about having a 4th and will need to decide sooner than later due to our ages (36 years old). Did you have a "feeling" and just know you were done having kids? Or was it more a financial decision? We can afford more (decent HHI - $450K) but not sure if it would make sense. Our kids will be 3 and 5 when the new baby comes. I have a super flexible job and work from home but DH works a lot of hours and has a very inflexible job.

Also FWIW our older two are pretty easy going and I haven't found it very difficult dealing with the two of them. They have both been sleeping through the night since 4 months old and are pretty chill kids (with their mix of insanity like any normal toddler thrown in).

if you only make 450k I wouldn't have more than 3. We have 4 and are at about 500k it's tight

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have 2 elementary-aged kids. I would love a 3rd, in fact I'm longing for one pretty much every day now that I am in my 40s and the window is closing, however my husband doesn't want one. He is an incredible husband and father, very involved with the kids since birth (would get up in the middle of the night a lot), and he is the breadwinner of the family, so I have to respect his wishes and not push him to do something just for me. Money is not an issue, we could hire help, fund 3 college educations and retire comfortably. The 2 kids we've got are amazing individuals but also the best of siblings to each other, and they keep asking for another sibling, so I know they would be great with a baby. They were easy kids from the get go, so that is exacerbating my broody feelings: I just can't imagine not having one more of those, but of course there are no guarantees, and I think sometimes it's better to enjoy what you have and not get greedy and push your luck.

Similar situation here. I’ve always, since childhood, wanted at least 3 kids. We could afford the 3rd. But it takes two to agree to have a kid. It’d be nice if I could just get over it, but real life is rarely that simple. :-/

[Anonymous]

With a 450k in one you can outsource and throw money at anything, no? Dont feel like parenting this weekend? Call in the nanny. Dont want to deal with household chores? Hire a cleaning service? Too tired to do another night of feeding the baby? Call in the night nurse.

The other part is the emotional toll - for me, I'm burnt out after 4 kids I loved all the stages, but after #4 kid transitioned into a preschooler I was glad to finally be done with the toddler stage. I wasnt so zippy as I was with my first 3 kids when it was still novel, fun, and I was younger and had more energy.
I've been parenting for 12 yrs now; 4 kids. Sahm so im "on" 24/7. Dh works long hours, but the tradeoff is I can stay at home all this time .

1:1 time with the kids is something I strive for daily; even if it is just 10 min with ea kid here and there. It is always something that has been super important to me so I've always done this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could afford however many. Have 2.

80% of the time I feel like my best self and like I’ve got my shit under control. If we had more kids I think that percentage would go lower and I’m not ok with that.

This is us exactly.

[Anonymous]

We were done at three as that was the number we wanted. Money was never a consideration and not because we had a lot of it. It really was that we wanted three. If we were starting over today I’d still want three and figure out the money later on.

[Anonymous]

Plan on 2. The families with 3 look tired AF. The moms have no time for themselves. Having kids isn’t that much fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We currently have 2 kids and are expecting our 3rd. We are on the fence about having a 4th and will need to decide sooner than later due to our ages (36 years old). Did you have a "feeling" and just know you were done having kids? Or was it more a financial decision? We can afford more (decent HHI - $450K) but not sure if it would make sense. Our kids will be 3 and 5 when the new baby comes. I have a super flexible job and work from home but DH works a lot of hours and has a very inflexible job.

Also FWIW our older two are pretty easy going and I haven't found it very difficult dealing with the two of them. They have both been sleeping through the night since 4 months old and are pretty chill kids (with their mix of insanity like any normal toddler thrown in).

if you only make 450k I wouldn't have more than 3. We have 4 and are at about 500k it's tight

In no kind of reality should your budget be tight if you make half a million dollars per year, whether we're talking about 3 kids or 6. Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

I always wanted 3, DH was happy with 2. Luckily for me DH was open to 3, and everything about baby 3 makes me feel like this is it for me. We could afford 4, but I’m tired, and ready for the next stage with my family, and 3 is plenty.

I probably would have always felt a longing if we’d stuck with 2, however, which is what I told DH. And he knew that even if he didn’t initially want 3, the moment that baby was born he wouldn’t want it any other way. And honestly it didn’t even take until baby 3 was born - DH was crazy excited the moment I was pregnant.

A small part of me longs for a fourth but not enough for me to make it happen. Pregnancy is hard, babies are hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I knew I wanted none, and agreed to one. Then we adopted a second (family emergency). I told DH I didn't care what other "emergencies" came up, we were at max capacity and there would be no more.

It had nothing to do with money and everything to do with how little I like children or parenting them.

Jesus. How did anyone decide you’d make a good placement in an emergency. You sound like you hate kids

Please. Stop with the judgement. She sounds responsible and has a stable home and family life. I find these people are much better at parenting than the wushu washy types who are completely unrealistic about their limits. There’s nothing wrong with acknowledging that you give up something by taking care of children - that’s a fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always wanted 3, DH was happy with 2. Luckily for me DH was open to 3, and everything about baby 3 makes me feel like this is it for me. We could afford 4, but I’m tired, and ready for the next stage with my family, and 3 is plenty.

I probably would have always felt a longing if we’d stuck with 2, however, which is what I told DH. And he knew that even if he didn’t initially want 3, the moment that baby was born he wouldn’t want it any other way. And honestly it didn’t even take until baby 3 was born - DH was crazy excited the moment I was pregnant.

A small part of me longs for a fourth but not enough for me to make it happen. Pregnancy is hard, babies are hard.

This was exactly our situation but I had no desire for a 4th but if an "accident" had happened I'm sure I would have been all in.

[Anonymous]

We are are currently expecting #4. I always wanted a large family and DH grew up in a large family so he was on board though not enthusiastic like me. We had our first two very close in age, then suffered through some miscarriages so there is a 7 year age gap between numbers 2 and 3. With number 3 we decided to try right away thinking that there may be some challenges but got pregnant on the first try so 3 and 4 will be 16 months apart. I think it'll be a crazy house but I'm so excited and really happy. DH and I have always said that we can survive anything together so our HHI is $300K and it might be tight but we're happy and we have room for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are are currently expecting #4. I always wanted a large family and DH grew up in a large family so he was on board though not enthusiastic like me. We had our first two very close in age, then suffered through some miscarriages so there is a 7 year age gap between numbers 2 and 3. With number 3 we decided to try right away thinking that there may be some challenges but got pregnant on the first try so 3 and 4 will be 16 months apart. I think it'll be a crazy house but I'm so excited and really happy. DH and I have always said that we can survive anything together so our HHI is $300K and it might be tight but we're happy and we have room for everyone.

Room in the house I mean.....every bedroom is filled so there's no space at the inn and we aren't buying a new home