Boyfriend of 1 year just sent me an article about a local swinger's party...

[Anonymous]

...and I'm not into it. Am also feeling sad, as it's yet another in a series of indicators that we're not on the same page.

We're both divorced parents; him x 7 years, me x 3 years. His kids are teens, I have one 6 yo DS. We've dated for a year, it's gone well, met each other's children around month 8. And in the last 3 months things seem to have stalled.

I've made it clear that I want to get married again, that with a young child it's a priority for me. He was less emphatic about that but understood my position. He needs to move in the next year for his job and I explained that with children involved, we'd need to be engaged before I moved anywhere with my child. He's brought up multiple geographic locales; I entertain the conversations briefly but firmly circle back to my original position: no ring, no move. Sorry to be a hardliner, but I have a lucrative job that I enjoy here in Washington. DS's dad is (unfortunately) uninvolved so that does not prevent a move, but if/until I merge households my financial independence is crucial. Even after a merge, it's crucial. Anyway we've navigated the conversations with maturity and they've gone well. Now this.

Since I'll be asked, I'm high drive and our sex life is pretty intense. I might even be open to his suggestion somewhere down the road. But at 1 year, with kids involved, before we're permanently committed? I feel stung and like I may need to step back from all of this. I'm looking at the math and it's not adding up to the likelihood of success.

His answer when I asked why he sent me the article: "I was just sharing". Sure you were, buddy.

I know the answer here: this is what dating is for, move on, etc. People dating in their 40's with kids will get it: cutting bait at the year mark is sometimes necessary. But it sucks.

[Anonymous]

I suggest you lighten up.

[Anonymous]

If he really wanted to commit to you, you'd know it. Cut bait. He's testing to see what he can get away with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he really wanted to commit to you, you'd know it. Cut bait. He's testing to see what he can get away with.

OP here. Sadly, that's my interpretation as well.

[Anonymous]

Yep, he's not ready. Move on. He's still exploring.

[Anonymous]

Better to find out now about your BF than after its too late. Let him go.

[Anonymous]

GTFO NOW. He's probably sleeping with other people and has been the entire time you've been together...

[Anonymous]

Leave now! Take care of yourself and your son!

[Anonymous]

It seems you’re looking for reasons to break up.

[Anonymous]

One year has been wasted on him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:GTFO NOW. He's probably sleeping with other people and has been the entire time you've been together...

I sort of agree with this.

[Anonymous]

I’m, break it off now. ASAP. Before you’re too involved.

[Anonymous]

He’s not the one for you. People have dealbreakers which is perfectly ok. Don’t get married just so your child can have a “dad.” It’s not with it to be unhappy.

[Anonymous]

Don’t change anything in your life for this man. You have a young child and good income. The odds of the two of you divorcing if you get married are high especially because it’d be on a forced timeline. Break it off. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

I’m divorced and dating a man who is divorced. We both have young kids and will be introducing the whole concept at the year mark. I have to ask you- why are you in such a hurry? I get that he’s moving in a year, but you don’t need to be engaged for a year. Are there any other warning signs?