Think back to your teen self? Would you be upset?

[Anonymous]

I’m a 15-year-old girl.

I am a good student. I study. I make great grades. I take life seriously. I work part-time. I save the majority of my income. I’m responsible. I’m not a problem child. I’m your average Sophomore girl.

I live with my mom, stepdad and two younger siblings. Overall my relationship with my family is good. I love both my mom and stepdad but I’d say my stepdad is sometimes unreasonable strict and generally likes to exert his authority over me at any chance. We can butt heads.

I have my own room. Earlier this week I came in to see that some of my stuff isn’t where I left it. I ask me mom and she says she’s not sure, but that my younger siblings had not been in the room. My stepdad told me he came in to show his friend and his friends son (my age!) my room. Why? I recently repainted my room and painted a small mural on one of my walls. My stepdad wanted to show his friend. I felt a little violated, my stuff had been touched. I told him I wished he would have asked me and he got really angry. He stated that it was his house, and he paid for it so every room is his and he can go in as he pleases. I got upset to, and said I felt violated and embarrassed and he made a joke at my expense claiming I had left some of my dietary clothes (including underwear and a few bras) on my floor and how my dads friends son had seen them and they all laughed. I feel humiliated. I got extremely upset and he laughed at me. My mom tried to mediate but she usually sided with him. I feel like it’s my only safe space and if he had asked I would have made it more presentable. I was not comfortable with the idea that a man and a teen boy I’m frankly not comfortable with were in my room, clearly touching my stuff. Yes, many of the items in the room I paid for myself.

Well, I thought we had gotten over it even though I was still upset but I got home from practice today and my bed was unmade and stunk. I started crying and my stepdad said he napped in my bed because “he bought it, he owns it.” This makes me uncomfortable and feel unsafe in my home.

My dad is extremely upset. My mom says I’m overreacting.

Before I make this a bigger deal, would you do this to your child/stepchild?

[Anonymous]

I would not be very upset about showing my room and maybe moving things, but sleeping in the bed is a violation. So sorry. Can you talk to your school counselor.

[Anonymous]

In this scenario as described, the stepdad overstepped his boundaries. He may own the house, but bedroom should be private space and not part of a tour for visiting guests

[Anonymous]

^^ and to add to the previous post, his sleeping in the bed is really odd and crossing boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Your step dad is an asshole. He slept in the bed to piss you off. A power trip.

[Anonymous]

As an adult if another adult told me this story I would tell them their behavior was terrible and sleeping in the bed? That’s just weird and dumb. Any one who needs to “get back” at a 15 yr is pathetic?

Also I tend to roll my eyes and cut off those parents who start the “ it’s my house and my room and my bed “ bc inevitability they are just upset and defensive over something they know they are wrong about. Be a freakin adult and just admit being wrong.

[Anonymous]

Very sorry you're going through this. Your stepdad sounds like a complete creep. I absolutely would have been upset at your age if someone had led a houseguest through my room unannounced, particularly if my underwear wasn't put away.

Yes, it's true that he "pays" for the house, but in my view (and how I treat my kids) is that you have a reasonable expectation to privacy unless I have a good reason to take it away (lying, cheating, etc.).

[Anonymous]

Whoa! I am getting creepy vibes from your stepdad. You are not his biological child, you are not the same gender as him. He is looking at your shapewear and sleeping in your bed? This is major pedo and pervert behavior.

I am sure that there is no way you could move with your real dad, because you would have done so already, amiright? This means that your stepdad also knows that he has power over you. I would talk to your school counselor and then get CPS involved. I would also insist on family therapy etc where your stepdad, mom and dad are also present.

Get ready for your life to become very hard now because you are in the crosshair of an adult male who has power over you. Your future, your college, your dreams and aspirations - everything can get impacted.

[Anonymous]

Your mom is a complete failure as a parent. She cannot understand that this is inappropriate behavior?

[Anonymous]

Wtf??? Your stepdad took a nap in your bed? Totally freaky and wrong.

[Anonymous]

Can you move in with your dad? Your mom is terrible.

[Anonymous]

Lock the door at night and make sure that you are not alone with him ever. Get your real dad to get some hidden cameras for you that you can secretly install and watch what is going on in your room when you are not there. Lock your underclothes etc because this man is a pervert, he is not your dad, he is not seeing you as his child. There is a great chance that he could sexually abuse you.

[Anonymous]

Follow your instinct. You are feeling uncomfortable about this and you posted here. There is something very off about this man. Your mom will not help you for the following reasons -
1) She does not want to divorce a second time
2) She already has 2 kids with this man
3) To face and accept that this man is inappropriate will mean that she will have to takes steps to protect you. She is not in a position to do that.
4) She is financially not secure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your mom is a complete failure as a parent. She cannot understand that this is inappropriate behavior?

+100000

This is the mom’s fault. Don’t let her excuse the step dad. My mom always did, and it really sucked.
Girl should live with dad, not mom & stepfather

[Anonymous]

Responding Posters, assuming this is not a troll post, please remember you are talking to a 15 year old!! Please, be sensitive in your responses (it is not helpful to call her stepfather and mother names).

To the original poster, you have very valid thoughts and feelings and concerns. Please talk to your school counselor or another trusted “real life” adult about all of this as soon as possible. Trust your own instincts - if something doesn’t feel right to you, then it probably is not. Again, please share this with a trusted adult in your life - a teacher, counselor, etc.