Would you consider this cheating?

[Anonymous]

I know the answer to this is it only matters if I consider it cheating... but I am curious what others would think about this in their marriage.

I have found out (by accident, he left it open on our shared laptop) that he has been messaging women on Reddit asking to Skype (or Kik? Don’t even know what that is...). These are women that post pornographic photos on Reddit. There was also conversation about paying to Skype. I brought it up and he is extremely defensive. We agreed long ago that I have no issue with him looking at porn.... but chatting with women is just crossing the line in my opinion. He swears he never actually Skyped with them or paid any money. I’ve not seen any unusual bank activity that supports him paying for something like this.

I guess I’m just curious how other women (or I guess men) would feel about this.

[Anonymous]

My wife would find this cheating. She’d rightfully demand I stop.

[Anonymous]

OP - if you did it with me, I would not consider it cheating.

[Anonymous]

Man here. Yeah, this is not ok. This is beyond porn and opens the door for scams and sugar daddy stuff. At the same time, the porn sights heavily promote video chats and other payment services now. It is getting hard to avoid. If he is doing it through reddit, though this seems too intentional. He might be exploring some particular sexual preferences that you may not be aware of or he feels you may not be comfortable with.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I'd consider it cheating. And so obviously does your dh. He was hiding it and got defensive.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like cam girls. Yes, I'd think that was cheating. And gross.

[Anonymous]

In the scheme of things, if you have a generally happy marriage, and he has a higher sex drive that's not being met, I don't think I'd worry about this.

[Anonymous]

Yes I would. I MIGHT be able to get over it though.

[Anonymous]

It's fairly harmless from the standpoint that he will never meet these women or catch an STD. It seems like a waste of money. I suppose it's more intimate than watching porn because he is directly paying women to do stuff on cam.

It's forgivable. But then again, I am open minded and my question would be whether he has some fetish he hasn't disclosed and to take seriously if there is a libido gap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the scheme of things, if you have a generally happy marriage, and he has a higher sex drive that's not being met, I don't think I'd worry about this.

I wouldn't be thrilled about him spending money. I would not care about him looking at naked women as long as he isn't planning on meeting them.

[Anonymous]

OP here... I would be livid if I found he was spending money on this. Our money is all together, so I’d think I’d know if he did. I don’t really like him talking to women, period, free or paid.

A fetish did pop up based off of what he apparently follows that I was not aware of. He always claims to be low libido and it has caused issues in the past.

On the bright side, the women he seems to like look just like me.

[Anonymous]

Cheating, probably not, unless he did go through with paying to chat (and whatever that entails??).

But morally questionable, absolutely! I would find it very gross and creepy he was doing that and be very disappointed he would want to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here... I would be livid if I found he was spending money on this. Our money is all together, so I’d think I’d know if he did. I don’t really like him talking to women, period, free or paid.

A fetish did pop up based off of what he apparently follows that I was not aware of. He always claims to be low libido and it has caused issues in the past.

On the bright side, the women he seems to like look just like me.

Ok, so I do consider what he's doing cheating.

However, what does the bolded mean? Are you ok with him having female friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here... I would be livid if I found he was spending money on this. Our money is all together, so I’d think I’d know if he did. I don’t really like him talking to women, period, free or paid.

A fetish did pop up based off of what he apparently follows that I was not aware of. He always claims to be low libido and it has caused issues in the past.

On the bright side, the women he seems to like look just like me.

Ok, so I do consider what he's doing cheating.

However, what does the bolded mean? Are you ok with him having female friends?

I think she meant naked/partially naked strangers on the internet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here... I would be livid if I found he was spending money on this. Our money is all together, so I’d think I’d know if he did. I don’t really like him talking to women, period, free or paid.

A fetish did pop up based off of what he apparently follows that I was not aware of. He always claims to be low libido and it has caused issues in the past.

On the bright side, the women he seems to like look just like me.

Ok, so I do consider what he's doing cheating.

However, what does the bolded mean? Are you ok with him having female friends?

I think she meant naked/partially naked strangers on the internet.

Yes, that’s what I meant.