Husband/Wife stuck deciding to stay or separate

[Anonymous]

My wife and I are on agreement we need a break. Over the last five years we've really grown apart to the point where we have nothing in common. We're not angry with each other, as we are both open and understanding that we've become two very different people with different views on life. However, our family around us are very happy. My parents and my wife's parents get along very well (talk, hang out, etc regularly without us). We have family gatherings at our house and everyone is happy - but us.

We know separating would destroy our parents. We do have one child and that's another reason we've decided to try and stay together. But, whenever everything inside isn't working but everything outside is...it's tough to make a decision. Also, financially it's expensive.

[Anonymous]

Why don’t you spend the next year getting to know each other again and building a new/different relationship and then revaluate.

[Anonymous]

Without verbal, emotional or physical abuse, or terrible communication with zero conflict resolution, or one party who is neuro-atypical, or cheating, it is hard to understand divorcing out of boredom.

Get counseling and change it up a bit, plan some things to look FW to.
And thank your lucky stars you are not in one of the aforementioned situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Without verbal, emotional or physical abuse, or terrible communication with zero conflict resolution, or one party who is neuro-atypical, or cheating, it is hard to understand divorcing out of boredom.

Get counseling and change it up a bit, plan some things to look FW to.
And thank your lucky stars you are not in one of the aforementioned situations.

This.

[Anonymous]

Throw some money at it. Take a nice European vacation and
have the child stay with Grandparents.

Go out to some nice date night restaurants.

Do a weekend in NYC.

Do some really fun stuff together.

[Anonymous]

Find common ground. Take a class together or an activity.

[Anonymous]

Nothing in common? You have a kid which is likely a large part of both of your lives.

[Anonymous]

Why did you get married? You must have felt at the time you had a lot in common and presumably also had similar views on life. Think about what changed. “Growing apart” is a choice it sounds like you both made, and you could make the choice to reconnect. Just my two cents because it sounds like you have things pretty good.

[Anonymous]

OP, I strongly recommend you and your wife read The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: A 25 Year Landmark Study by Judith Wallerstein before making your decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Throw some money at it. Take a nice European vacation and
have the child stay with Grandparents.

Go out to some nice date night restaurants.

Do a weekend in NYC.

Do some really fun stuff together.

This. You guys have a lot going for you. Spice things up and do something different

[Anonymous]

You are going to create a massive disaster out of a situation that isn’t that bad. Think of your kid.

[Anonymous]

Think of your kid now. Think of you later.

Do your research. The grass looks greener on the other side, but statistically speaking, the majority of divorced people have regrets.

I agree with the book mentioned above. You chose to have kids. It’s not all about you now.

Surely you’ll have a “replacement family” and perhaps this won’t be an issue for you because of that, but what if you don’t? Are you prepared to be alone? I challenge you to go away this Christmas. Sit alone in a hotel room. Have Christmas Eve dinner alone. Because when and if your kids get married, they won’t have time to be pulled in multiple directions at holidays.

Counseling and “dating each other again” first. Please, not only for you, but for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Without verbal, emotional or physical abuse, or terrible communication with zero conflict resolution, or one party who is neuro-atypical, or cheating, it is hard to understand divorcing out of boredom.

Get counseling and change it up a bit, plan some things to look FW to.
And thank your lucky stars you are not in one of the aforementioned situations.

+1000. You have it good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Think of your kid now. Think of you later.

Do your research. The grass looks greener on the other side, but statistically speaking, the majority of divorced people have regrets.

I agree with the book mentioned above. You chose to have kids. It’s not all about you now.

Surely you’ll have a “replacement family” and perhaps this won’t be an issue for you because of that, but what if you don’t? Are you prepared to be alone? I challenge you to go away this Christmas. Sit alone in a hotel room. Have Christmas Eve dinner alone. Because when and if your kids get married, they won’t have time to be pulled in multiple directions at holidays.

Counseling and “dating each other again” first. Please, not only for you, but for your kids.

Please provide the source that backs up your claim that divorced people have regrets. I am happily married after divorcing an abusive man. I am not saying that OP should divorce but it is nonsense to say that the majority have regrets. Every single divorced person I know is happier for it.

[Anonymous]

Try your best to work it out. The biggest regret of divorce was how it blew up so many people’s happiness and holidays. It sounds like you are both just bored. Not a reason to divorce....trust me.