Quit career/job due to husband’s disorders?

[Anonymous]

My spouse has ADD plus BPD, anxiety, and depression. He works in a stressful job and makes at least double what I do ($250k).
I’m at wits end how to deal with his unreliability, endangering the kids, not listening, not remembering things, zero reaction time to incidents. and then his anger explosions every two weeks after all his mishaps build up.

Would me being a Stay at Home parent mollify this? It would be safer and better for the kids, and might minimize his explosions (every time if I have ever a day trip away)?

If we were to divorce later, if this didn’t de-stress the situation and make him less angry, would I be totally screwed? Forced to go back to work and quickly take whatever I can find at a pay cut?

[Anonymous]

DO NOT quit your job. He sounds abusive to both you and the kids. You should leave and take the kids. You need an income to be able to provide for the kids.

[Anonymous]

I would not quit in this situation, if only because your husband's mental health problems are likely to result in him quitting/getting fired from his stressful job.

There are a lot of ways to be the primary parent and caregiver to everyone that don't involve quitting your job, and your point about what would happen if you divorce is very true.

[Anonymous]

OP here- FYI, he is a partner at a small firm that is run meanly and he is a workaholic. He is on his phone constantly, works while on vacation, emails structure his day and time since he has no organizational skills of his own. He has too large an ego to quit and he is incapable of taking care of people or things on the homefront. Literally incapable of a routine or not endangering the kids — like run over the kids, watch them fall over a rail onto train tracks, put them hanging up high where they fall and break a leg incapable.

[Anonymous]

Leanly! Not meanly- tho they may be taking advantage of him.

He comes home spent and crashes in the couch at 8pm.

I have to run and do everything, decide everything, execute most everything unless I babystep it for him with reminders.

op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not quit in this situation, if only because your husband's mental health problems are likely to result in him quitting/getting fired from his stressful job.

There are a lot of ways to be the primary parent and caregiver to everyone that don't involve quitting your job, and your point about what would happen if you divorce is very true.

+1 if he becomes unable to work or you divorce (if he is vindictive and has money to keep fighting through the courts you could end up in a very bad financial situation), you need to be able to provide for yourself and your kids. What about hiring someone to do more of the childcare and outsourcing other household tasks?

Also, he ran over your child?

[Anonymous]

Why on earth did you even date, let alone marry and have children with him? No. Do not quit your job. He needs professional help and I would give him an ultimatum: get help or get out,!

[Anonymous]

It's a terrible idea to be a SAHP in your case.

Your DH sounds abusive and possibly dangerous. You need to have money in your own name.

Also, your DH's personality make him sound like the type of person to get fired. Also the type of person who would never pay child support.

[Anonymous]

Be honest, the only thing you respect about him is his paycheck.

Keep your job, divorce him, and learn to live “leanly” yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be honest, the only thing you respect about him is his paycheck.

Keep your job, divorce him, and learn to live “leanly” yourself.

+1

[Anonymous]

The question is the having a stay at home parent mollify a workaholic spouse with mental disorders.

Possibly.

Risky experiment to try out. If he continues to let his stress out on you, you are worse off. Yes you’ll get child support but have to find a job and may have to coparent with him, which sounds risky for the kids too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse has ADD plus BPD, anxiety, and depression. He works in a stressful job and makes at least double what I do ($250k).
I’m at wits end how to deal with his unreliability, endangering the kids, not listening, not remembering things, zero reaction time to incidents. and then his anger explosions every two weeks after all his mishaps build up.

Would me being a Stay at Home parent mollify this? It would be safer and better for the kids, and might minimize his explosions (every time if I have ever a day trip away)?

If we were to divorce later, if this didn’t de-stress the situation and make him less angry, would I be totally screwed? Forced to go back to work and quickly take whatever I can find at a pay cut?

Probably. I hate that that's the $.02 I'm giving you, OP, but realistically, leaving the workforce before you may need to exit a marriage isn't a good idea. I say this as a divorced parent.

[Anonymous]

no, OP. stay at your job and spend money to keep your kids safe by having babysitters around when your DH is home. When your kids are old enough to keep themselves safe then divorce. he will likely bluster about how he wants 50-50 custody but will lose interest at the end of the day.

[Anonymous]

PP here. Also, GTFO. For real. Get the hell out of this marriage for the sake of the kids if not for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:no, OP. stay at your job and spend money to keep your kids safe by having babysitters around when your DH is home. When your kids are old enough to keep themselves safe then divorce. he will likely bluster about how he wants 50-50 custody but will lose interest at the end of the day.

This. This is solid advice. I'm the GTFO poster.