Quit career/job due to husband’s disorders?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine has ADHD and is a workaholic. We came close to divorce until we hired a live in nanny. Worth every penny. She does everything I can't do but is less stressed about it.

Young au pair you need to train more or experienced live in nanny?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine has ADHD and is a workaholic. We came close to divorce until we hired a live in nanny. Worth every penny. She does everything I can't do but is less stressed about it.

Young au pair you need to train more or experienced live in nanny?

We poached her from my son's preschool. She is getting her degree in Special Education one class at a time and had become our regular babysitter. No agency and we pay her under the table so it's a bit risky but ten months in life is so much better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- FYI, he is a partner at a small firm that is run meanly and he is a workaholic. He is on his phone constantly, works while on vacation, emails structure his day and time since he has no organizational skills of his own. He has too large an ego to quit and he is incapable of taking care of people or things on the homefront. Literally incapable of a routine or not endangering the kids — like run over the kids, watch them fall over a rail onto train tracks, put them hanging up high where they fall and break a leg incapable.

What you need is live in help to help you manage the house and kids. O

[Anonymous]

A high stress job with a lot if disorder is not a great combo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse has ADD plus BPD, anxiety, and depression. He works in a stressful job and makes at least double what I do ($250k).
I’m at wits end how to deal with his unreliability, endangering the kids, not listening, not remembering things, zero reaction time to incidents. and then his anger explosions every two weeks after all his mishaps build up.

Would me being a Stay at Home parent mollify this? It would be safer and better for the kids, and might minimize his explosions (every time if I have ever a day trip away)?

If we were to divorce later, if this didn’t de-stress the situation and make him less angry, would I be totally screwed? Forced to go back to work and quickly take whatever I can find at a pay cut?

No I wouldn’t quit a good job or career to single parent and run a household for this type of person.
He needs intensive therapy to manage his symptoms and eliminate any anger or verbal abuse towards you or in the home. Unacceptable to be teaching the kids that.
I doubt you see a caring empty nest relationship with him once the kids leave and he’s not contributing positive things with the kids currently, or you or the house, so I’d strongly consider ending it.

[Anonymous]

Get a nanny or au pair. Don’t quit.
I got a flexible job which has helped. I’m about to get an au pair or nanny to help with the chaos of an overworked husband with untreated ADD and issues from his childhood (he’s not abusive, he’s just tired & can’t help me much around the house).

Can you get him into therapy? As soon as I get my nanny/au pair that’s what we are going to do. Husband also has lots of health issues which we are addressing.

I love my husband, his health is important to me, but so is mine. Getting a nanny will give us a break

[Anonymous]

Don’t it will just make him do even less

[Anonymous]

You need to stay at your job!

He sounds unreliable and unstable. You absolutely need your job for security.

What you need to do is throw money at the problem. Hire a full time nanny. Hire s weekly housekeeper. Outsource everything! If you need to travel, make plans for the nanny to stay with your kids. They will have a much more pleasant childhood. If he continues with the same attitude, get a divorce when the youngest child is 5 (or older.) He will continue to be a crappy dad, but it won’t be life threatening after that point.

[Anonymous]

Just divorce him now. Quitting your job is not going to fix him, and you'll be worse off when you do divorce.