If a woman is older than 50, is it safe to assume she is the grandmother or nanny?
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Anonymous
| At preschool orientation, many parents of 2yo looked to be in their 30s. I’m 41. This is my third child. I was surprised at how many older parents there were. I didn’t want to ask in fear of insulting anyone. There were dads or grandfathers (looked to be in their 70s) and several women who looked to be in their 50s. They acted like parents but totally not sure. |
Anonymous
| I wouldn’t. Some people look older than their age, and there are people (particularly in DC) having babies in their mid-40s. Not sure why it really matters to you though. |
Anonymous
It is a new school for us and I want to meet other parents. I thought I would be the old mom in my 40s. I did not want to offend anyone from the first meeting. |
Anonymous
| I was 46/47 and had a 2-year old in preschool. You never know. |
Anonymous
Maybe try getting to know them - age-agnostic- then you won't have to worry about offending people. Ask them questions like, where do you live? How do you like the school so far ... you know questions that have nothing to do with age. |
Anonymous
| I wouldn't assume anything... just be friendly and with normal conversation it will come up if they are grandma or mom. I made the mistake of assuming a woman was a grandmother in my son's preschool class and every time since then that I see her, I just cringe inside. She is such a sweet woman, I still feel horrible. |
Anonymous
I’m not a young mom either. My oldest is 10 and friends often have siblings in high school and college. These caregivers at preschool seemed much older than the normal older parent. Then again, DH has a colleague who is 15 years his senior and kids are our age. His hair is all white and he says people often think he is the grandfather and not the father. |
Anonymous
This. I was a 22 year old nanny to a 3 year old whose parents were 50 and 51. People assumed I was the mom and the parents were grands, even though I bore no resemblance to the family. It was uncomfortable for me and hurtful to the parents. |
Anonymous
| Why do you need to ask? Hi, are you Colton's grampa? Just be normal, for Pete's sake. You don't want other people assuming you're a halfwit. |
Anonymous
| Assume she or he is the parent - this is safest and you will be corrected if wrong. |
Anonymous
| Always err on the side of flattery. |
Anonymous
We recently saw an older mom traveling with 2 young kids and a nanny. I totally thought nanny was mom and real mom was grandma. Toddler was held by nanny and kicking the seat in front the entire time. Other kid was crying. People were complaining and nanny had no emotion. Realized later that the older lady was the mom defending kids to complaining neighbors. Mom looked 50ish. I guess she could have been a tired looking 45yo. |
Anonymous
| It is the other persons job to fill you in as they want. Hi I am Larla's Great-Aunt Bitsy! I take care of her on Mondays so I will be dropping her off. You'll likely meet her mom Betsy then. Or you might just get..Hello I am Bitsy! Nice to meet you! |
Anonymous
Good and broadly applicable advice. |
Anonymous
+1 |