If a woman is older than 50, is it safe to assume she is the grandmother or nanny?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I turn 51 in the fall and have a kid entering his last year of preschool next week. At preschool in Bethesda I am far from alone as an older parent--some I guess are even older than me. This week at the drop-off for the camp bus for my older kid I mistakenly referred to another kid's grandfather and the kid corrected me saying it was his dad. Dad was at least 70 with white hair and the kids were probably 11 or 12. I assume a second marriage but who knows. Makes me feel like I'm not alone in waiting.

So your youngest is 4? Are you a man or a woman?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are all these moms having bio kids at 40+ all having them through medical means? A 50-60 year old woman with an elementary kid would typically be grandma in my neck or the woods.

Nope. Many of us aren’t using any extra support at all. And have uncomplicated pregnancies with very healthy babies and easy births. Not always donor eggs and fertility treatments. It’s less of a thing than you’d imagine. I have friends that have 3 year olds and friends that have grandkids. Welcome to the rest of the world.

My grandmothers had their last babies at 42 and 46 respectively. Later fertility seems to run in my family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are all these moms having bio kids at 40+ all having them through medical means? A 50-60 year old woman with an elementary kid would typically be grandma in my neck or the woods.

Had mine at 41 and 44. I tried IVF but it didn’t work. I was doing nutritional supplements and acupuncture when I got pregnant both times. I also had two miscarriages in there as well, once while trying, once not trying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are all these moms having bio kids at 40+ all having them through medical means? A 50-60 year old woman with an elementary kid would typically be grandma in my neck or the woods.

A 35 year old would be a grandma in your neck of the woods.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I turn 51 in the fall and have a kid entering his last year of preschool next week. At preschool in Bethesda I am far from alone as an older parent--some I guess are even older than me. This week at the drop-off for the camp bus for my older kid I mistakenly referred to another kid's grandfather and the kid corrected me saying it was his dad. Dad was at least 70 with white hair and the kids were probably 11 or 12. I assume a second marriage but who knows. Makes me feel like I'm not alone in waiting.

So your youngest is 4? Are you a man or a woman?

Female. Kid will be five for most of the year—misses the cutoff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are all these moms having bio kids at 40+ all having them through medical means? A 50-60 year old woman with an elementary kid would typically be grandma in my neck or the woods.

Nope. Many of us aren’t using any extra support at all. And have uncomplicated pregnancies with very healthy babies and easy births. Not always donor eggs and fertility treatments. It’s less of a thing than you’d imagine. I have friends that have 3 year olds and friends that have grandkids. Welcome to the rest of the world.

Why do you seem offended? And no, it's not typical in the 'rest of the world' to be having your first child at 40+. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are all these moms having bio kids at 40+ all having them through medical means? A 50-60 year old woman with an elementary kid would typically be grandma in my neck or the woods.

Nope. Many of us aren’t using any extra support at all. And have uncomplicated pregnancies with very healthy babies and easy births. Not always donor eggs and fertility treatments. It’s less of a thing than you’d imagine. I have friends that have 3 year olds and friends that have grandkids. Welcome to the rest of the world.

Why do you seem offended? And no, it's not typical in the 'rest of the world' to be having your first child at 40+. Sorry.

No, it's not typical to be having one's first child at 40+, because women who want to have children typically have them earlier. But women all over the world have children at 40+; they are often oops babies to families who thought they were finished having children but were not vigilant about birth control or didn't use birth control at all. In this area it's often parents who met later in life or built their careers before having children. It's pretty ignorant for you or the OP to assume that it's freaky or unnatural for middle-aged people to be parents to a young child.

[Anonymous]

I would not assume anything. I’ve met several dads at our preschool with adult children from prior marriages. I am 41 with a 2yr old and there are several moms who look older than me. Not sure if they ARE older, but they look to be pushing 50.

[Anonymous]

Yes, with second marriages, adoptions, and fertility treatments, parents of preschoolers can be older than you might expect them to be.

Or they may just look older. When my youngest was in preschool, I was in my early 40s, with graying hair and glasses, and I certainly had a few children assume--and comment at playground pickup--that I was my child's grandma. Some of us are less well-preserved than others.

So yes, presume they are the parent and let them tell you otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are all these moms having bio kids at 40+ all having them through medical means? A 50-60 year old woman with an elementary kid would typically be grandma in my neck or the woods.

Nope. Many of us aren’t using any extra support at all. And have uncomplicated pregnancies with very healthy babies and easy births. Not always donor eggs and fertility treatments. It’s less of a thing than you’d imagine. I have friends that have 3 year olds and friends that have grandkids. Welcome to the rest of the world.

Why do you seem offended? And no, it's not typical in the 'rest of the world' to be having your first child at 40+. Sorry.

No, it's not typical to be having one's first child at 40+, because women who want to have children typically have them earlier. But women all over the world have children at 40+; they are often oops babies to families who thought they were finished having children but were not vigilant about birth control or didn't use birth control at all. In this area it's often parents who met later in life or built their careers before having children. It's pretty ignorant for you or the OP to assume that it's freaky or unnatural for middle-aged people to be parents to a young child.

Or to read offense when there is an any. That’s more about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, with second marriages, adoptions, and fertility treatments, parents of preschoolers can be older than you might expect them to be.

Or they may just look older. When my youngest was in preschool, I was in my early 40s, with graying hair and glasses, and I certainly had a few children assume--and comment at playground pickup--that I was my child's grandma. Some of us are less well-preserved than others.

So yes, presume they are the parent and let them tell you otherwise.

This.

[Anonymous]

The word assume is super loaded. You might just not worry about it and figure out which kid belongs to which adult as you go like the rest of us.

[Anonymous]

Never assume anything, OP, because it makes an ass out of u and me.

[Anonymous]

Whoa. Some of y'all are getting really butthurt. OP was just curious. Relax.

[Anonymous]

Be careful with assumptions like that.

There's an adoptive mom at my school who looks much older than me and the other late 40-something moms I know. Her kids are very young and I assume she gets mistaken for the grandmother or nanny on a regular basis. I am torn between admiring her for adopting the kids and thinking she's crazy for taking on such a huge responsibility late in life. I mean, I'm tired. She has to be exhausted at the end of the day.