Issue with DD Soccer Mentality

[Anonymous]

Need some advice!

My DD plays for a top tier U12 team in the area and is also one of two top players on the team. She always plays up top or at attacking Center Mid. The issue is last year and now heading into this year is she freezes when she has a good opportunity to shoot on goal and it hurts the team and makes her look bad.

The reason why she does this she tells me is "I'm afraid of the other kids labeling me as a ball hog". Before moving her to a top team, it was not an issue. The other kids simply relied on her to provide offense without issue.

Yes, her current team is much more talented, but she still has the strongest strike and superior ball skills as compared to the others.

My advice is do what the coach says, but then she says same thing, the other kids will call me a ball hog.

Bottom line is she is over thinking, a problem I had as well in youth sports. Anyone else gone through this issue and have some good advice?

[Anonymous]

Judgement from teammates is a concern of my DD as well.

Your advice to follow the coaches instruction is correct.

But I believe kids hold the ball to long and do not shoot when near the goal at the younger ages. They want to dribble it into the goal or be at the 6.

[Anonymous]

tip: coaching instruction always takes priority over your personal feelings

[Anonymous]

Someone on her team is saying this to her, and it is getting to her. 100%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone on her team is saying this to her, and it is getting to her. 100%

and I mean a teammate or teammates. and she doesn't want to say

[Anonymous]

It is very difficult to shake off the "yips."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone on her team is saying this to her, and it is getting to her. 100%

and I mean a teammate or teammates. and she doesn't want to say

Correct, there are two team-mates with lesser soccer IQ constantly yelling pass no matter what position they are in. I can only hope our coach is quick to fix it.

[Anonymous]

Since she is relatively new to the team - and I'm assuming much of the rest of the team has been together - the social dynamics are going to be at least a little difficult to navigate, especially since she's getting minutes at 'prime' positions and there may be some jealousy and negativity directed her way. I think that age is really tough for girls when they don't feel like they fit in, so I'd be careful to not pressure her too much on the issue.

For those of you who have older DD's, do the social dynamics get better or worse? I've heard that the middle school years (U12-14) are the worst for girls in terms of peer pressure, etc., but not sure if most would agree with that.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately, I think this is more of a problem with girls. I felt the same in the classroom. Smart girls had a tougher time speaking up in class or letting people know they were smart.

I have boys and it seems no boy minds being called a show dog. They will get angry over ballhogs, but the ballhogs don't seem to change or mind. It is more along the lines of 'every time he gets the ball he dribbles it into the ground and never passes---even when someone is wide open'. Luckily, their coach is on the same page and the ball hog is eventually reprimanded or taken out. We also have some parents that encourage this behavior in their kids---and these aren't young kids. They are 13/14.

The boys are generally supportive of a teammate that is dominant though. There is an amazing striker on my younger's son team that makes it work 99$ of the time so people don't care as much if he dribbles too much occasionally. If the player is missing better passing opportunities and has no concept of when it is better to pass vs dribble that is a different issue.

Maybe she is more afraid of 'choking' but doesn't want to say this. At that age, my oldest would constantly give up a shot and pass it to someone else when he should have a clear shot. He was more afraid of making a mistake and it was not something he used to be afraid of. I think this came up because he previously was the star of a different team and was now surrounded by many talented players---and he was also now on the end of the calendar due to birth year change. It took a lot of building confidence and pointing out how many kids miss those shots, but when there is an opportunity you have to take the shot. If you don't shoot, you don't score.

[Anonymous]

Attacking players are to attack and there is no such thing a ball hog. Tell her a ball hog is someone that does not pass when they should, that is not the same as keeping the ball to attack the goal. Scoring is not the job of 1 player, it's the job of the team. It is called a "goal" for a reason, the goal isn't to just pass for the sake of passing, it's passing with the intent of attacking the opponent's goal. NO coach will ever punish a player for putting the ball in the back of the net.

[Anonymous]

Messi is a ball hog... trying to score himself all the time. What a selfisgreat player.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately, I think this is more of a problem with girls. I felt the same in the classroom. Smart girls had a tougher time speaking up in class or letting people know they were smart.

I have boys and it seems no boy minds being called a show dog. They will get angry over ballhogs, but the ballhogs don't seem to change or mind. It is more along the lines of 'every time he gets the ball he dribbles it into the ground and never passes---even when someone is wide open'. Luckily, their coach is on the same page and the ball hog is eventually reprimanded or taken out. We also have some parents that encourage this behavior in their kids---and these aren't young kids. They are 13/14.

The boys are generally supportive of a teammate that is dominant though. There is an amazing striker on my younger's son team that makes it work 99$ of the time so people don't care as much if he dribbles too much occasionally. If the player is missing better passing opportunities and has no concept of when it is better to pass vs dribble that is a different issue.

Maybe she is more afraid of 'choking' but doesn't want to say this. At that age, my oldest would constantly give up a shot and pass it to someone else when he should have a clear shot. He was more afraid of making a mistake and it was not something he used to be afraid of. I think this came up because he previously was the star of a different team and was now surrounded by many talented players---and he was also now on the end of the calendar due to birth year change. It took a lot of building confidence and pointing out how many kids miss those shots, but when there is an opportunity you have to take the shot. If you don't shoot, you don't score.

Great post--I agree with all of this. OP, I'd mention this issue to your DD's coach. If he's aware of the team dynamics and her anxiety about disapproval from some of the others, he can more effectively work with her to stay focused on the game and tune everything else out.

[Anonymous]

It is hard to break players of bad habits.

I agree with the PP who said the job of the striker is to score goals.

You could try working with her one on one, passing ball to her with her facing away from goal and tell her to turn toward goal and shoot.

At U12 some coaches are more focused on scoring than others.

[Anonymous]

You have to be the judge of this advice as you know your daughter and how she would respond.

As a coach if I see she is unselfish to a fault or for the wrong reasons,
I do 2 things:
1. Pull the player aside and explain I need them to be selfish and creat scoring chances for themselves not just others

2. Tell the player I will pull three and sit them if they fail to try to finish , no consequence if they shout and miss but if they don’t shoot they are coming out

At some point that is all that can be done. And hope they work through/grow out of it. But on some teams that may be too late if they have slotted her in as an 8 now and no longer a 9 or 10

[Anonymous]

Does your DD have friends on the team?

My DD was in a similar situation when she first join her current team. She didn’t have any friends on the team. Hence, she was very tentative and immediately passed the ball rather than dribble and/or take a shot on goal. She had friends on her previous team and was the key scorer and play maker. Once she became friends with a few girls on the current team after one season, she was much more comfortable and confident.

It’s a social thing for girls at this age. This affect more in some girls than other. It affected my DD’s play much more than I expected. She’s now much many close friends on the team; hence, she plays much more relaxed, enjoys the game, and is a much better/confident player. So it’s a natural progression to get social acceptance with the other girls on the.team.