Say something or MYOB?

[Anonymous]

This is a bit of a crazy story but the short version is that the supposedly happily married dad of one of my DC’s good friends met a good friend of mine (single no kids) through work as has been going after her. Friend and I had dinner last night and she started telling me about this guy who has been relentlessly pursuing her. She knows he is married but he said the marriage is pretty much over and has been for a while - they are just living together for the kids. She ended up showing me his work bio which had his name and a photo, which is how I figured out it was the dad.

I do not know this dad very well - we would see each other mostly at school drop offs and say a quick hello. I have seen them both together at a couple school events and it could all be an act but they seem really happy and not like they are on the verge of divorce.

I am pretty friendly with the mom though... we are in a book club together and also volunteer together at the school. We text regularly, grab coffee after drop offs sometimes and are very friendly but I would not say we are super close or best friends. However, she talks really positively about her husband, future plans they have and she did confide in me about a family issue (not related to the husband at all) so I don’t know that she would act like everything is fine with them if it wasn’t.

Anyway, the big question now is do I say something to the friend or keep my mouth shut? I feel like MYOB is probably the right move, but I would feel so badly if she didn’t know what was going on behind her back and I did.

Regardless, my friend won’t be going out with him... she thinks it’s all too complicated and does not want to get involved with someone currently married.

[Anonymous]

Dear Facebook...

[Anonymous]

Of course you should tell her! Doesn't matter the lies he is telling, fact is the douche bag is very much married.He has no business dating at this point. He's married and off limits, not to mention he's shown her what a creep he is. If anything I would be sending his wife a anon note to let her know what he's been doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course you should tell her! Doesn't matter the lies he is telling, fact is the douche bag is very much married.He has no business dating at this point. He's married and off limits, not to mention he's shown her what a creep he is. If anything I would be sending his wife a anon note to let her know what he's been doing.

Ha. Stick your nose in others people’s business without knowing what’s fully going on. Typical clueless DCUM advice to shame a man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a bit of a crazy story but the short version is that the supposedly happily married dad of one of my DC’s good friends met a good friend of mine (single no kids) through work as has been going after her. Friend and I had dinner last night and she started telling me about this guy who has been relentlessly pursuing her. She knows he is married but he said the marriage is pretty much over and has been for a while - they are just living together for the kids. She ended up showing me his work bio which had his name and a photo, which is how I figured out it was the dad.

I do not know this dad very well - we would see each other mostly at school drop offs and say a quick hello. I have seen them both together at a couple school events and it could all be an act but they seem really happy and not like they are on the verge of divorce.

I am pretty friendly with the mom though... we are in a book club together and also volunteer together at the school. We text regularly, grab coffee after drop offs sometimes and are very friendly but I would not say we are super close or best friends. However, she talks really positively about her husband, future plans they have and she did confide in me about a family issue (not related to the husband at all) so I don’t know that she would act like everything is fine with them if it wasn’t.

Anyway, the big question now is do I say something to the friend or keep my mouth shut? I feel like MYOB is probably the right move, but I would feel so badly if she didn’t know what was going on behind her back and I did.

Regardless, my friend won’t be going out with him... she thinks it’s all too complicated and does not want to get involved with someone currently married.

Read the 1st bolded statement. Now read the 2nd bolded statement. Kinda contradictory aren't they? If you're not her "bestie" then yeah, she's gonna put on airs like every other normal human being does.

[Anonymous]

Tell the single friend that you know him and that he is NOT in the middle of a divorce. And then, ideally, she will say something to him and scare him straight.

Telling the wife directly may open a massive can of worms for you at school. She could be thankful or, paradoxically, she may try to "shoot the messenger." You don't want this drama at your kids' school between you and another set of parents. You may get a reputation as "meddling" and it may result in your kid getting excluded from group activities. Bad, bad news.

I'd use the single friend as a conduit to warn this guy to stop being a sleaze.

[Anonymous]

I would definitely say something to the wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell the single friend that you know him and that he is NOT in the middle of a divorce. And then, ideally, she will say something to him and scare him straight.

Telling the wife directly may open a massive can of worms for you at school. She could be thankful or, paradoxically, she may try to "shoot the messenger." You don't want this drama at your kids' school between you and another set of parents. You may get a reputation as "meddling" and it may result in your kid getting excluded from group activities. Bad, bad news.

I'd use the single friend as a conduit to warn this guy to stop being a sleaze.

Agree with this approach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell the single friend that you know him and that he is NOT in the middle of a divorce. And then, ideally, she will say something to him and scare him straight.

Telling the wife directly may open a massive can of worms for you at school. She could be thankful or, paradoxically, she may try to "shoot the messenger." You don't want this drama at your kids' school between you and another set of parents. You may get a reputation as "meddling" and it may result in your kid getting excluded from group activities. Bad, bad news.

I'd use the single friend as a conduit to warn this guy to stop being a sleaze.

Yeah but don't you think that tactic would put the OP's camaraderie with the single friend in jeopardy too?
I mean if her friend told her about this yesterday, two days ago, whatever - and the OP after how many days finally pulls her aside and says, "Hey you know that guy who's pursuing you...I know him." Wouldn't the friend be pissed?
Like - "WTF?!!! You couldn't tell me the other day when I mentioned it and showed you his picture?!! What kind of friend are you?!!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell the single friend that you know him and that he is NOT in the middle of a divorce. And then, ideally, she will say something to him and scare him straight.

Telling the wife directly may open a massive can of worms for you at school. She could be thankful or, paradoxically, she may try to "shoot the messenger." You don't want this drama at your kids' school between you and another set of parents. You may get a reputation as "meddling" and it may result in your kid getting excluded from group activities. Bad, bad news.

I'd use the single friend as a conduit to warn this guy to stop being a sleaze.

Agree with this approach.

Another vote for this approach. I would not tell the wife directly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell the single friend that you know him and that he is NOT in the middle of a divorce. And then, ideally, she will say something to him and scare him straight.

Telling the wife directly may open a massive can of worms for you at school. She could be thankful or, paradoxically, she may try to "shoot the messenger." You don't want this drama at your kids' school between you and another set of parents. You may get a reputation as "meddling" and it may result in your kid getting excluded from group activities. Bad, bad news.

I'd use the single friend as a conduit to warn this guy to stop being a sleaze.

Agree with this approach.

Another vote for this approach. I would not tell the wife directly.

Agree!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell the single friend that you know him and that he is NOT in the middle of a divorce. And then, ideally, she will say something to him and scare him straight.

Telling the wife directly may open a massive can of worms for you at school. She could be thankful or, paradoxically, she may try to "shoot the messenger." You don't want this drama at your kids' school between you and another set of parents. You may get a reputation as "meddling" and it may result in your kid getting excluded from group activities. Bad, bad news.

I'd use the single friend as a conduit to warn this guy to stop being a sleaze.

Agree with this approach.

+1 don’t tell wife. You don’t really know anything about their marriage. I tend to this the whole marriage fidelity superhero thing eventually bites you.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

[Anonymous]

Op, you tell the single friend that you CAN NOT hear any word from her re: this man. I am surprised you would choose to have a friend, a friend who would toy with the idea of getting involved with a married man.

[Anonymous]

Your girlfriend might have embellished her side of the story too. Your friend said he is pursuing her-maybe. You haven't seen this behavior first hand so what would you tell the wife? He's a flirt? I would stay out of the whole mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell the single friend that you know him and that he is NOT in the middle of a divorce. And then, ideally, she will say something to him and scare him straight.

Telling the wife directly may open a massive can of worms for you at school. She could be thankful or, paradoxically, she may try to "shoot the messenger." You don't want this drama at your kids' school between you and another set of parents. You may get a reputation as "meddling" and it may result in your kid getting excluded from group activities. Bad, bad news.

I'd use the single friend as a conduit to warn this guy to stop being a sleaze.

Yeah but don't you think that tactic would put the OP's camaraderie with the single friend in jeopardy too?
I mean if her friend told her about this yesterday, two days ago, whatever - and the OP after how many days finally pulls her aside and says, "Hey you know that guy who's pursuing you...I know him." Wouldn't the friend be pissed?
Like - "WTF?!!! You couldn't tell me the other day when I mentioned it and showed you his picture?!! What kind of friend are you?!!"

I honestly don't think it's that big of a deal. She just says to the friend:

"When you showed me the pic, I thought it resembled someone I may have seen before. When I was dropping off Larla at school on Tuesday, I realized that it's the father of one of Larla's classmates. I'm not close with the family, but I've talked with the mother a number of times. It doesn't seem like they are divorced or separated, but who knows? Anyways, I think it's a bad idea for you to get involved with this guy - it seems like a lot of drama and you deserve better than that.

If you mention anything to him, please do NOT say its me. I don't want any trouble at my daughter's school."