Girls marginalized, boys allowed to control limited resources

[Anonymous]

Yesterday at the parents morning for my daughter's summer camp, she pulled me in to see a film that her small group of 3 boys and 1 girl (her) had worked on during camp. Ages 6th to 7th grade. The "film" was a news desk-style review of music. Two boys on camera, one interviewing the other. The boy offering his opinion compared two songs and concluded that one was just a bunch of "little girls" and therefore vastly inferior, and the other was "grown men" and therefore vastly superior. Cut to commercial-- funny vignette by the same boy. Back to more commentary by the original two boys. Back to a second commercial-- super funny and obviously well-crafted vignette by a third boy. Back to the two boys again. Time ran out before we got to the end, but it was obvious that my daughter, the only girl, had almost no input into this project.

I'm not saying her ideas would have been better. We're talking about middle school-humor here, not exactly a high bar. But I was so sad to see that nothing about this dynamic of adults allowing boys to control limited resources (the filmmaking equipment) has changed since I was a kid. My sense is that with an adult paying better attention to how the projects are progressing, all of the kids in the group would have had an opportunity to use the available time and equipment to make something. But I am new at confronting this (I certainly didn't when I was the girl in those groups) and I don't really know where or how to begin. Help?

[Anonymous]

Girls need to learn how to advocate for themselves.

That’s the reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Girls need to learn how to advocate for themselves.

That’s the reality.

Helping all children learn how to self-advocate is part of an educator's job.

[Anonymous]

Complain to the camp

[Anonymous]

Was your daughter proud of it, showing it off? Or was she complaining to you?

If she was happy with the product (was she the camera person, worked on the script, or had a different role?), then you should be too. If she wasn't, then tell us that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girls need to learn how to advocate for themselves.

That’s the reality.

Helping all children learn how to self-advocate is part of an educator's job.

Yes do the camp should help the girl advocate for herself not micro manage the boys.

[Anonymous]

OP here. She was not complaining. I also do not think she had some sort of meaty role behind the camera. The knot in my stomach tells me that she has already accepted as normal that boys' ideas come first.

Where I am stuck is in how to address this with the camp. What is it that the adults could have done differently? The only thing I can come up with is that they should have paid more attention to equitably dividing time with the equipment among the kids. But you all surely have more and better ideas.

I do appreciate the suggestions that she has to learn to advocate for herself. She's 11, and it's a work in progress. But equally I don't want to file all of this under "she needs to do better" when I know there is a sexism component that is out of her control, but within the power of the adults to, if not completely change, at least influence in a more positive direction.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely talk to the camp! Maybe you could find an all-girls camp next year. That way your daughter can learn how to advocate in a more equal environment, and then transfer those skills in mixed settings later on.

[Anonymous]

This could have happened with “bossy” girls too. I’d keep the boy vs girl out of the conversation and say can you help my daughter insert herself better into the process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yesterday at the parents morning for my daughter's summer camp, she pulled me in to see a film that her small group of 3 boys and 1 girl (her) had worked on during camp. Ages 6th to 7th grade. The "film" was a news desk-style review of music. Two boys on camera, one interviewing the other. The boy offering his opinion compared two songs and concluded that one was just a bunch of "little girls" and therefore vastly inferior, and the other was "grown men" and therefore vastly superior. Cut to commercial-- funny vignette by the same boy. Back to more commentary by the original two boys. Back to a second commercial-- super funny and obviously well-crafted vignette by a third boy. Back to the two boys again. Time ran out before we got to the end, but it was obvious that my daughter, the only girl, had almost no input into this project.

I'm not saying her ideas would have been better. We're talking about middle school-humor here, not exactly a high bar. But I was so sad to see that nothing about this dynamic of adults allowing boys to control limited resources (the filmmaking equipment) has changed since I was a kid. My sense is that with an adult paying better attention to how the projects are progressing, all of the kids in the group would have had an opportunity to use the available time and equipment to make something. But I am new at confronting this (I certainly didn't when I was the girl in those groups) and I don't really know where or how to begin. Help?

OP, the crux of your feedback is good but I think you are missing the mark on the sexism angle. It very well may not be sexism at play (aside from the boy's comment about "little girls" and "men") but rather just personalities. The kids with the biggest personalities ran the show. They happened to be boys.

I think the camp will be more receptive to your feedback if you don't take this one incident and turn it into a big sexist thing. Tell them you didn't see or hear much of your daughter's "voice" in the piece she worked on, and ask them to be mindful of making sure all kids get the support they need to express their ideas and all the kids get the support they need to be able to hear ideas besides their own.

It also would have been appropriate for the adults to give feedback about the little girls comments ("Larlo, disliking a song because of the gender of the performers is not really a powerful critique. What other details can you provide to support your case?)

[Anonymous]

Did you ask your daughter what she contributed? I'd start there. Talk to her about the video - ask what she liked and what she didn't like, what she contributed, what the other kids contributed, what she thought about but didn't make it in, what she wish had gone differently.
That will tell you a lot and direct how you should focus with the camp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girls need to learn how to advocate for themselves.

That’s the reality.

Helping all children learn how to self-advocate is part of an educator's job.

This. However, many STEM educators are not ready or willing to do that. I speak up when my DD is reluctant to. It helps that I am both an educator and the daughter of an engineer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This could have happened with “bossy” girls too. I’d keep the boy vs girl out of the conversation and say can you help my daughter insert herself better into the process.

+1 this has little to do with gender and much to do with personality. My son's teachers always said he got lost when seated with a table full of alpha girls or alpha boys.

[Anonymous]

My quiet middle school son has suffered at the hands of bullies in his class, including one particularly mean girl on his team who wouldn't stop insulting him and his work. It happens because some kids are cruel, OP, regardless of gender.

I hope you mentioned your concerns to the camp. It speaks to a lack of supervision and sensitivity, which is not surprising, because in schools and camps, there aren't enough adults and teens to manage things, and all sorts of microaggressions aren't even noticed.

[Anonymous]

Unless she specifically said "I kept offering ideas and they ignored me" I don't see how she was spefically marginalized. I could see the same exact dynamic playing out with 3 girls and one boy. Or 3 sporty kids and kid who is super into books.