"Ghosted" a friend a few years ago and can't put it behind me

[Anonymous]

In my early 30s I was friendly with a woman who had a ton of good qualities, but as the friendship went on she was shown to be incredibly controlling and had a breathtakingly mean streak. I made the effort to sort of fade from her, but it just turned into bad blood. She demanded my time a lot and when said I was busy she just continued to be really dark. I hear her name every once in a while and I know she just can't stand me and the fact I stopped being friends with her.

I was just searching some emails totally unrelated and an email came up from her back from 2014 when she was like, "Is everything ok with us?" and I responded, "yeah, all fine," basically. This makes me now think how mean that was of me. But on the other hand, I didn't want to be friends with her, and confronting her with her being so nasty and manipulative would not have done much. She wasn't gone to change a part of herself that I still think is just who she is.

I wonder if I ghosted her or distanced myself from a toxic person. I feel this afternoon that I owe her an explanation--but the explanation is so harsh.

[Anonymous]

so you haven't spoken since 2014? why on earth would you contact her now?

[Anonymous]

Whatever her good and bad qualities, she has no desire to hear from you know. You handled it badly, but its too late to rectify it now. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

*now not know

[Anonymous]

This is so weird. For whatever reason you didn't want to be friends with her and you drifted apart. It's done, it's over, you don't owe her anything.

[Anonymous]

You need to learn to let go of things.

[Anonymous]

Instead of focusing on whether you should contact this person, why not spend some time contemplating why you feel bad about doing what you had to do to protect yourself from someone who as "incredibly controlling and had a breathtakingly mean streak"? You had reasons for distancing yourself from her in the way that you did, and they were good ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so weird. For whatever reason you didn't want to be friends with her and you drifted apart. It's done, it's over, you don't owe her anything.

This.
There's no law that legally binds anyone to be a friend of anyone; Don't overdramatize this situation.

[Anonymous]

If you were ever to run into her, you could keep it cordial without it feeling too awkward. That's good, I suppose.

But who cares? Time to move on.

[Anonymous]

Telling her now, 5 years later, how incredibly mean she is will only be even more hurtful. And what’s the point now?

[Anonymous]

Hey Susan,

I'm sorry about ghosting you 5 years ago, with no explanation. I realized recently that wasn't nice, so I'm popping back up to explain myself. I think you are an a**hole and that's why I didn't want to be friends with you anymore.

Hope this helps,
Mary

[Anonymous]

So you ghosted her and then you want to reappear five years later to tell her she sucks? Lmao YOU sound like the mean one

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey Susan,

I'm sorry about ghosting you 5 years ago, with no explanation. I realized recently that wasn't nice, so I'm popping back up to explain myself. I think you are an a**hole and that's why I didn't want to be friends with you anymore.

Hope this helps,
Mary

And I oop!

[Anonymous]

Hi Susan !

Remember me? We were friends a while back and I dropped you without explanation. Even though you had some good qualities I found you overall to be breathtakingly mean.

Have a nice life!

Mary

[Anonymous]

It's been five years. I guarantee she isn't sitting around waiting for an explanation. Leave it alone.