Making Friends?

[Anonymous]

I have to make new friends as an adult, which sucks ass. I thought I had a really solid group of friends, but they’ve all started hanging out without me in recent months. Like they will ask if I’m free a certain weekend, I’ll say yes, then they won’t respond. And when I follow up they still don’t respond but then I find out after the fact they went on a group vacation without me that weekend! It’s so hurtful so I’m done but also since there was no huge falling out I’m not sure what I did so it’s hard to want to put myself out there. I’m just ranting, sorry! .

[Anonymous]

Sorry, but maybe because as a grown woman you use expressions like "sucks ass"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but maybe because as a grown woman you use expressions like "sucks ass"?

Totally fair assessment because that phrase is out of character for me. Just mad and sad so I used it in my rant. Generally do not speak that way.

[Anonymous]

The fact that they ignore you makes me think they’re immature because unless you did something unforgivable the mature thing to do would be to address an issue with you. Find friends who aren’t a sorority of mean girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but maybe because as a grown woman you use expressions like "sucks ass"?

Totally fair assessment because that phrase is out of character for me. Just mad and sad so I used it in my rant. Generally do not speak that way.

Fair enough. Sounds like you definitely need to move on and seek out new friends. People who consistently leave you out and hurt your feelings are obviously not worthy of your friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but maybe because as a grown woman you use expressions like "sucks ass"?

Totally fair assessment because that phrase is out of character for me. Just mad and sad so I used it in my rant. Generally do not speak that way.

Oh please. I have an easy time making friends and have a healthy number of them, and I've used that phrase.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but maybe because as a grown woman you use expressions like "sucks ass"?

Totally fair assessment because that phrase is out of character for me. Just mad and sad so I used it in my rant. Generally do not speak that way.

Fair enough. Sounds like you definitely need to move on and seek out new friends. People who consistently leave you out and hurt your feelings are obviously not worthy of your friendship.

Thank you, I agree. It is just the weirdest situation. They made plans without me and ignored me, but continue to text me. It’s odd and frustrating. Making friends as an adult is just uncomfortable!

[Anonymous]

OP, I’m on the hunt for new friends as well, so I understand & sympathize.

And btw, I, for one, like the term “sucks ass” and would avoid potential friends who take issue with it.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, OP. I’m part of a rather large group of close friends—i’m very lucky, I know—but the fact is that not everyone can be invited to everything. Sometimes it just works out where 5-6 families is the perfect amount of people to do X.

Also, being the planner is hard. I do my fair share of planning and in return when someone else does the planning, I am usually invited. If you are just waiting around for invites, take the bull by the horns and initiate <whatever> yourself. I’ll usually get 1-2 other friends on board for date planning purposes and then let others know about it if they want to join us.

[Anonymous]

Why is this in parenting? Are these friends you do kid-related stuff with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. I’m part of a rather large group of close friends—i’m very lucky, I know—but the fact is that not everyone can be invited to everything. Sometimes it just works out where 5-6 families is the perfect amount of people to do X.

Also, being the planner is hard. I do my fair share of planning and in return when someone else does the planning, I am usually invited. If you are just waiting around for invites, take the bull by the horns and initiate <whatever> yourself. I’ll usually get 1-2 other friends on board for date planning purposes and then let others know about it if they want to join us.

Would generally agree but the fact that they ignored her when she asked what everyone was up to and she found out after the fact that they went on vacation seems like they’re immature and rude.

[Anonymous]

OP, if they were always good friends to you and kind in the past, have you tried gently confronting and asking if you'd done something to offend them? "Hey, I noticed you guys went to X last week. I would have loved to join as well, but your plans weren't shared with me. Is there a reason I was excluded?" You have nothing to lose. If they still don't respond, they just suck.

I'm sure that's not you, but my friend group stopped inviting someone on group trips after she got incoherently drunk, behaved awfully (getting combative/yelling) and had to be taken care of (getting sick/passing out) on several trips in a row. We didn't ghost though, we told her we weren't comfortable with her drinking and needed her to tone it down. She was offended, said she'd done nothing wrong and was just having a good time, we "took things the wrong way", and she essentially saw no reason to change her behavior. That was the last time she was included.

[Anonymous]

I’m a little confused, OP. Is this an old group of friends that excluded you, or a group of new friends you were hoping would include you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if they were always good friends to you and kind in the past, have you tried gently confronting and asking if you'd done something to offend them? "Hey, I noticed you guys went to X last week. I would have loved to join as well, but your plans weren't shared with me. Is there a reason I was excluded?" You have nothing to lose. If they still don't respond, they just suck.

I'm sure that's not you, but my friend group stopped inviting someone on group trips after she got incoherently drunk, behaved awfully (getting combative/yelling) and had to be taken care of (getting sick/passing out) on several trips in a row. We didn't ghost though, we told her we weren't comfortable with her drinking and needed her to tone it down. She was offended, said she'd done nothing wrong and was just having a good time, we "took things the wrong way", and she essentially saw no reason to change her behavior. That was the last time she was included.

This is good advice, and the only way to potentially learn what's really going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but maybe because as a grown woman you use expressions like "sucks ass"?

Totally fair assessment because that phrase is out of character for me. Just mad and sad so I used it in my rant. Generally do not speak that way.

Fair enough. Sounds like you definitely need to move on and seek out new friends. People who consistently leave you out and hurt your feelings are obviously not worthy of your friendship.

Thank you, I agree. It is just the weirdest situation. They made plans without me and ignored me, but continue to text me. It’s odd and frustrating. Making friends as an adult is just uncomfortable!

Surely as an adult, you don’t get invited to everything?