Best way to make connections with parents of DD's classmates when preschool doesn't have directory?

[Anonymous]

DD will turn 3 in October and is starting a new class at preschool in September. The school has a policy against compiling a parent directory.

In order to jumpstart playdates and collect contact info for birthday party invitations, I'm thinking of making little notes to put in each kid's cubby that just say something like "Since this is the start of a new year, we'd love to connect with anyone who is interested in setting up a playdate! If you're interested, my email is x and my number is y. Best, DD's mom and dad."

How would you respond to such a note? Are there better ideas I'm not thinking of?

[Anonymous]

I would love getting a note like that, OP.

Does this school not have a "room parent" for each class?

[Anonymous]

I probably would think, oh, that's nice but not bother to respond until I know who my child is friends with. Once I have an idea of who the friends are, then I would reach out to those people specifically. If I'm inviting a class to a birthday party, I reach out at that time, not really preemptively.

[Anonymous]

The school should give you a reason, because honestly, they're outliers in this regard. You can also invite everyone for a playdate in a park, and have a sign-up sheet with contact info.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
The school should give you a reason, because honestly, they're outliers in this regard. You can also invite everyone for a playdate in a park, and have a sign-up sheet with contact info.

OP here.

I asked them about it and they said it's corporate policy (this is a center that is a franchise of a larger company). We really love it there, but this one policy is annoying and frustrating.

I like the idea of a class-wide playdate at a park -- doing it at the beginning of the year as a "get to know you" thing could work.

I'll ask about room parent -- she hasn't had one in the rooms she's been in so far, but I don't know if that changes as they get a little older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I probably would think, oh, that's nice but not bother to respond until I know who my child is friends with. Once I have an idea of who the friends are, then I would reach out to those people specifically. If I'm inviting a class to a birthday party, I reach out at that time, not really preemptively.

Ditto this.

[Anonymous]

Def try to meet a few people and then invite. You won’t like everyone and why invite non stop interaction from people to don’t click with or whose kids your kid doesn’t click with upon yourself? Just let life come to you.

[Anonymous]

PP here. Also if I got a note like that, I would assume accepting meant I had to go hang out with the mom AND the dad. Honestly, as a mom, I would rather just meet the moms and have play dates with the kids. My DH doesn’t want to hang out as a family with random couples from preschool and I don’t really want to hang out with another couple either. Sorry to be sexist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here. Also if I got a note like that, I would assume accepting meant I had to go hang out with the mom AND the dad. Honestly, as a mom, I would rather just meet the moms and have play dates with the kids. My DH doesn’t want to hang out as a family with random couples from preschool and I don’t really want to hang out with another couple either. Sorry to be sexist.

Wow.

Anti-social AND sexist.

Quite the combo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. Also if I got a note like that, I would assume accepting meant I had to go hang out with the mom AND the dad. Honestly, as a mom, I would rather just meet the moms and have play dates with the kids. My DH doesn’t want to hang out as a family with random couples from preschool and I don’t really want to hang out with another couple either. Sorry to be sexist.

Wow.

Anti-social AND sexist.

Quite the combo.

Some people already have hobbies and friends and work too hard to want to spend weekends socializing with strangers from daycare. Realizing this early on in your child’s life will probably help you not get offended when people you met through your kids don’t really want to hang out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. Also if I got a note like that, I would assume accepting meant I had to go hang out with the mom AND the dad. Honestly, as a mom, I would rather just meet the moms and have play dates with the kids. My DH doesn’t want to hang out as a family with random couples from preschool and I don’t really want to hang out with another couple either. Sorry to be sexist.

Wow.

Anti-social AND sexist.

Quite the combo.

Some people already have hobbies and friends and work too hard to want to spend weekends socializing with strangers from daycare. Realizing this early on in your child’s life will probably help you not get offended when people you met through your kids don’t really want to hang out.

NP. So you don't set up playdates for your kids? OP is talking about playdates, not necessarily making friends with the parents (although I don't understand why you're categorically opposed to that notion).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The school should give you a reason, because honestly, they're outliers in this regard. You can also invite everyone for a playdate in a park, and have a sign-up sheet with contact info.

OP here.

I asked them about it and they said it's corporate policy (this is a center that is a franchise of a larger company). We really love it there, but this one policy is annoying and frustrating.

I like the idea of a class-wide playdate at a park -- doing it at the beginning of the year as a "get to know you" thing could work.

I'll ask about room parent -- she hasn't had one in the rooms she's been in so far, but I don't know if that changes as they get a little older.

I would wonder if their corporate policy just means that they won't give the directory to you. They can't police how you gather personal information that is freely given to you. Using the example above, how could they police what you did at a park? Or just put out a sheet at back to school night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The school should give you a reason, because honestly, they're outliers in this regard. You can also invite everyone for a playdate in a park, and have a sign-up sheet with contact info.

OP here.

I asked them about it and they said it's corporate policy (this is a center that is a franchise of a larger company). We really love it there, but this one policy is annoying and frustrating.

I like the idea of a class-wide playdate at a park -- doing it at the beginning of the year as a "get to know you" thing could work.

I'll ask about room parent -- she hasn't had one in the rooms she's been in so far, but I don't know if that changes as they get a little older.

I would wonder if their corporate policy just means that they won't give the directory to you. They can't police how you gather personal information that is freely given to you. Using the example above, how could they police what you did at a park? Or just put out a sheet at back to school night.

OP here. No, I can't imagine they'd be opposed to people sharing their personal information with one another.

My guess is they had some sort of bad experience in the past with having a school directory and therefore decided against doing it in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The school should give you a reason, because honestly, they're outliers in this regard. You can also invite everyone for a playdate in a park, and have a sign-up sheet with contact info.

OP here.

I asked them about it and they said it's corporate policy (this is a center that is a franchise of a larger company). We really love it there, but this one policy is annoying and frustrating.

I like the idea of a class-wide playdate at a park -- doing it at the beginning of the year as a "get to know you" thing could work.

I'll ask about room parent -- she hasn't had one in the rooms she's been in so far, but I don't know if that changes as they get a little older.

I would wonder if their corporate policy just means that they won't give the directory to you. They can't police how you gather personal information that is freely given to you. Using the example above, how could they police what you did at a park? Or just put out a sheet at back to school night.

OP here. No, I can't imagine they'd be opposed to people sharing their personal information with one another.

My guess is they had some sort of bad experience in the past with having a school directory and therefore decided against doing it in the future.

This is not uncommon. For example our elementary school won't share a class email list for privacy reasons even though the teachers do have one, so the room parents just gather contact information to the best to their ability. I would try to gather that information and share it communally rather than just sending an individual invite to write only you with contact information.

[Anonymous]

Our preschool is the same way. I just put notes in cubbies. Just add a note taht you'd doing playdate at this date/time/location, with a rain date of XX, and come if you can. Include your contact info.

If you really want to go all out, mention you'll bring snacks, and RSVP so you can be sure to have enough. Then you'll know which parents are into it and which are not.