Best way to make connections with parents of DD's classmates when preschool doesn't have directory?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The school should give you a reason, because honestly, they're outliers in this regard. You can also invite everyone for a playdate in a park, and have a sign-up sheet with contact info.

OP here.

I asked them about it and they said it's corporate policy (this is a center that is a franchise of a larger company). We really love it there, but this one policy is annoying and frustrating.

I like the idea of a class-wide playdate at a park -- doing it at the beginning of the year as a "get to know you" thing could work.

I'll ask about room parent -- she hasn't had one in the rooms she's been in so far, but I don't know if that changes as they get a little older.

I would wonder if their corporate policy just means that they won't give the directory to you. They can't police how you gather personal information that is freely given to you. Using the example above, how could they police what you did at a park? Or just put out a sheet at back to school night.

OP here. No, I can't imagine they'd be opposed to people sharing their personal information with one another.

My guess is they had some sort of bad experience in the past with having a school directory and therefore decided against doing it in the future.

This is not uncommon. For example our elementary school won't share a class email list for privacy reasons even though the teachers do have one, so the room parents just gather contact information to the best to their ability. I would try to gather that information and share it communally rather than just sending an individual invite to write only you with contact information.

OP here. That might be the way to do it. Say "I'm trying to put together a room directory, to help everyone coordinate playdates and birthday parties. If you're comfortable, please send along your contact info and I'll compile it and distribute it!"

So then it becomes a communal resource everyone can benefit from.

[Anonymous]

OP - I think that is a lovely thing to do. You won't get responses from everyone, and that's perfectly ok. Hopefully those who are looking to expand their horizons and meet new friends will respond, which seems like the purpose of the gesture to begin with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - I think that is a lovely thing to do. You won't get responses from everyone, and that's perfectly ok. Hopefully those who are looking to expand their horizons and meet new friends will respond, which seems like the purpose of the gesture to begin with.

OP here -- right. It'll give us a gauge of who would probably be open to playdates, bday party invites, etc. Those who aren't interested/don't want to share their contact info can simply not respond and that's fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I think that is a lovely thing to do. You won't get responses from everyone, and that's perfectly ok. Hopefully those who are looking to expand their horizons and meet new friends will respond, which seems like the purpose of the gesture to begin with.

OP here -- right. It'll give us a gauge of who would probably be open to playdates, bday party invites, etc. Those who aren't interested/don't want to share their contact info can simply not respond and that's fine.

Would love to know how it went, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I think that is a lovely thing to do. You won't get responses from everyone, and that's perfectly ok. Hopefully those who are looking to expand their horizons and meet new friends will respond, which seems like the purpose of the gesture to begin with.

OP here -- right. It'll give us a gauge of who would probably be open to playdates, bday party invites, etc. Those who aren't interested/don't want to share their contact info can simply not respond and that's fine.

Would love to know how it went, OP!

She'll start in her new room in September, so I'll let you all know!

[Anonymous]

Honestly OP - do you *have* to set up playdates right away? Why can't you wait until you naturally meet parents and drop off/pick up and birthday parties?

I think the whole class park playdate idea is cute, but I would find a note like the one you mentioned to be kind of awkward and try hard. And like one of the earlier Pps, I wouldn't respond until I figured out who DD was talking about all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I think that is a lovely thing to do. You won't get responses from everyone, and that's perfectly ok. Hopefully those who are looking to expand their horizons and meet new friends will respond, which seems like the purpose of the gesture to begin with.

OP here -- right. It'll give us a gauge of who would probably be open to playdates, bday party invites, etc. Those who aren't interested/don't want to share their contact info can simply not respond and that's fine.

This is unfair. Sometimes notes get lost, people forget, it's not right of you to leave them out of class invites just because they didn't respond to one note.

This is why the system of printing out paper invites and putting them in folders/cubbies is still so common. Every invitation we got this year was in the form of a little card in DD's folder at daycare. If your child starts talking about wanting a playdate with x,y,z, THEN you can put a note in her folder.

[Anonymous]

Our preschool had this policy. One mom drafted an email and the director sent it out. It said sent your email to Larlo’z mom if you want to get together as a group outside of the center”. We had a group play date at a park a few weeks later. Several of us are still friends 3 years later even though we have spread out to different preschools / kindergarten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly OP - do you *have* to set up playdates right away? Why can't you wait until you naturally meet parents and drop off/pick up and birthday parties?

I think the whole class park playdate idea is cute, but I would find a note like the one you mentioned to be kind of awkward and try hard. And like one of the earlier Pps, I wouldn't respond until I figured out who DD was talking about all the time.

Because her birthday is in mid-October. I won’t have that much time.

To the other PP: we will still invite everyone to her party, but this might give me some sense of how many RSVPs to expect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. Also if I got a note like that, I would assume accepting meant I had to go hang out with the mom AND the dad. Honestly, as a mom, I would rather just meet the moms and have play dates with the kids. My DH doesn’t want to hang out as a family with random couples from preschool and I don’t really want to hang out with another couple either. Sorry to be sexist.

Wow.

Anti-social AND sexist.

Quite the combo.

Some people already have hobbies and friends and work too hard to want to spend weekends socializing with strangers from daycare. Realizing this early on in your child’s life will probably help you not get offended when people you met through your kids don’t really want to hang out.

NP. So you don't set up playdates for your kids? OP is talking about playdates, not necessarily making friends with the parents (although I don't understand why you're categorically opposed to that notion).

NP. Daycare IS one long playdate. Why do they need extra playdates with same kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. Also if I got a note like that, I would assume accepting meant I had to go hang out with the mom AND the dad. Honestly, as a mom, I would rather just meet the moms and have play dates with the kids. My DH doesn’t want to hang out as a family with random couples from preschool and I don’t really want to hang out with another couple either. Sorry to be sexist.

Wow.

Anti-social AND sexist.

Quite the combo.

Some people already have hobbies and friends and work too hard to want to spend weekends socializing with strangers from daycare. Realizing this early on in your child’s life will probably help you not get offended when people you met through your kids don’t really want to hang out.

NP. So you don't set up playdates for your kids? OP is talking about playdates, not necessarily making friends with the parents (although I don't understand why you're categorically opposed to that notion).

NP. Daycare IS one long playdate. Why do they need extra playdates with same kids?

... most kids want to socialize with their daycare (and then school) friends outside daycare/school. Are you really unfamiliar with this concept?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly OP - do you *have* to set up playdates right away? Why can't you wait until you naturally meet parents and drop off/pick up and birthday parties?

I think the whole class park playdate idea is cute, but I would find a note like the one you mentioned to be kind of awkward and try hard. And like one of the earlier Pps, I wouldn't respond until I figured out who DD was talking about all the time.

Because her birthday is in mid-October. I won’t have that much time.

To the other PP: we will still invite everyone to her party, but this might give me some sense of how many RSVPs to expect.

No, it really won't. Just because people don't reply to your weird note at the beginning of the school year doesn't mean they won't RSVP to a birthday party. Two completely unrelated things. Just be like everyone else and put party invitations in cubbies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly OP - do you *have* to set up playdates right away? Why can't you wait until you naturally meet parents and drop off/pick up and birthday parties?

I think the whole class park playdate idea is cute, but I would find a note like the one you mentioned to be kind of awkward and try hard. And like one of the earlier Pps, I wouldn't respond until I figured out who DD was talking about all the time.

Because her birthday is in mid-October. I won’t have that much time.

To the other PP: we will still invite everyone to her party, but this might give me some sense of how many RSVPs to expect.

No, it really won't. Just because people don't reply to your weird note at the beginning of the school year doesn't mean they won't RSVP to a birthday party. Two completely unrelated things. Just be like everyone else and put party invitations in cubbies.

Is it really that weird to invite others to connect to maybe set up play dates? That’s really horribly weird?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I probably would think, oh, that's nice but not bother to respond until I know who my child is friends with. Once I have an idea of who the friends are, then I would reach out to those people specifically. If I'm inviting a class to a birthday party, I reach out at that time, not really preemptively.

+1

I have to be honest, I don't like all the parents of the kids in my kids' classes. So I'd rather find out who I do and don't want to do a play date with as the year progresses. My least favorite mom showed her true colors at back to school night, so I didn't have to wait long...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I probably would think, oh, that's nice but not bother to respond until I know who my child is friends with. Once I have an idea of who the friends are, then I would reach out to those people specifically. If I'm inviting a class to a birthday party, I reach out at that time, not really preemptively.

+1

I have to be honest, I don't like all the parents of the kids in my kids' classes. So I'd rather find out who I do and don't want to do a play date with as the year progresses. My least favorite mom showed her true colors at back to school night, so I didn't have to wait long...

+1

We send our boy to full day preschool/daycare, and pretty much everyone are working parents full time. We are so busy on weekends. I don't mind responding to the note, but if the first playdate does not go well at the beginning of school year, I would feel burdened to be reached out & would find excuses not to attend anymore. It is not only kid playdate, and it is also parent dates as well.